In the personal development and spiritual world we often talk about having an impact on the world, or serving others in a big way. But what if you don’t want to do that? What if you don’t want to be Mother Theresa, or a healer or a teacher? Is it ok for you to just focus on your own happiness? Watch today’s video and find out!
Awesome Dudette’s Burning Question:
“How come people are always trying to give me the advice of ‘serving something bigger than yourself’, like working for a cause, or serving humanity. Who cares about any of that crap? What if I just want to do things for me? Why isn’t that good enough? I just don’t really give a shit about what everyone else wants to do with their realities. Also, even if I did care, it wouldn’t matter because I have no control over anyone else! And anyways, if I just do things to make myself happy, aren’t I ultimately serving everyone else by becoming my best version? It’s not like I’m walking over bodies get what I want, I just don’t feel like trying to change what everyone else is doing!”
Well Awesome Dudette, I am so glad you asked this question! It’s a fantastic question that a lot of people are secretly asking themselves, but aren’t always courageous enough to talk about out loud, because they’re afraid of what other people might think. They’re afraid of being judged and, of course, judgment is not something you are going to find here.
Helping others can be joyful for some people
Here’s the thing: A lot of people really do get a great amount of joy and satisfaction from the idea of helping others, particularly if they’ve found a great deal of happiness themselves, are on that happy shiny puppy vibration, and are full of joy. Often times they get a great deal of satisfaction from having an impact on the world, or the idea gives them a great deal of joy when they hear those kinds of concepts. Serving the world or having an impact on the world – that’s actually a really positive feeling statement for them.
A lot of people in the personal development/spiritual world do talk about that, because it is received in a really positive way and it gives people a great deal of inspiration and motivation. However, for most of us alive right now, we have grown up in a society that puts great value on helping others from the point of view of: You have to do it, and you should want to do it, and if you don’t, you’re a bad person.
Some of that absolutely transferred to some personal development and spiritual circles where people have morphed that into: You are here to serve a bigger purpose, and if you are not willing to sacrifice yourself, it’s implied that you’re a bad person, you are not very spiritual, you’re not spiritual enough, you’re not evolved, or you’re not enlightened. That’s just the other side of the exact same coin. It’s manipulation.
Follow your own bliss
You do not HAVE TO do anything. You have no obligation here on this planet. You do not come in with a job; you come in with a joy. Yes you set some intentions before you came here, and people can call that a “purpose”, but that intention is not to serve others or to sacrifice in any way. That intention is to experience something, to participate in something. The best way that you do that is by following your own joy and your own bliss. This is going to take you on a fantastic, winding journey which may or may not include, directly or indirectly, having an impact on others, or helping, or teaching, or healing, or bagging groceries for others, or dancing naked in the rain, or whatever it is that you want to do. Isn’t that a wonderful system, by the way? That your purpose is actually what gives you the most joy? As long as you follow your joy, you are living out your purpose. I think that is an amazing system!
You are actually correct when you ask, if by following your own bliss and doing what your heart tells you to do… (I’m paraphrasing here), if you’re not actually having the best impact on everybody else anyway by doing that? You are absolutely correct when you are following your own bliss, because by doing that, you are participating in the vibration and adding to the vibration of joy, which makes that stronger. It gives it more momentum and it makes it easier for other people to find. It’s not something that you have to do, but following your joy is something that you do want to do, in general, broad terms – not because it serves other people in some way, but because it feels really, really good.
It’s not selfish to follow your bliss
I realize that there are going to be people out there who hear these statements and think “Oh my God, she’s advocating absolute and total selfishness; maybe even a little bit of psychopathic behavior!! So, let me explain this.
Like you said in your question, you are not walking over bodies to get to where you want to go. If you are following your bliss, if you are following your heart, if you are in a high vibration and you are practicing awareness (which is what we are teaching here; that awareness is a big part of it), meaning you are not in denial about how you feel, you are absolutely aware of how you feel. And if you are following those things, then you are following the best feeling path.
When you’re doing that, you are not going to ever be inspired to walk over bodies or hurt somebody else in the process. Those types of behaviors come from utter and complete powerlessness andunawareness; it comes from a lack of awareness and total denial. People who don’t know how they are really feeling and aren’t really aware of it cannot follow the best feeling path. They still do in some way, but their view is very limited, and so they take part in actions that nobody in their right mind really wants to take part in; but they are better feeling actions from a place of total powerlessness. Hurting somebody else feels less horrible, less powerless, than complete and total powerlessness. At least you have power over somebody else.
The only time people take those kinds of actions and have that kind of impact on others is when they feel they have to, they have no other choice. Again, they are coming from a place of powerlessness. The work that you are doing by becoming aware of following your bliss, by raising your vibration, means that you will never, ever be that person that participates in that type of manifestation. So you do not have to worry.
So, I’m here to tell you: No, you are not a bad person if you don’t want to actively help others and you don’t want to be Mother Theresa. You absolutely don’t have to be; you don’t have to do anything. Follow your own heart; stop listening to other people’s advice, especially when it contradicts what your heart, what your intuition is telling you. Follow your path of joy. Practice awareness and go inside and listen to that inner voice. It will never, ever steer you wrong. If that voice contradicts what conventional wisdom, or people out there, or teachers, or anyone else is saying, defer to that voice – always. It is the voice of your wisdom and it will never ever steer you wrong; it will lead you directly to your bliss. When it does that, and you follow it, and you trust that, you will have the greatest impact on the world and the Universe that you could possibly have.
So you know what? Tell that to those gurus that are telling you that you have to do this and you have to do that. Send them this video and then let me deal with them! Ha!
I hope I’ve answered your question. If you have a question of your own or you’d like to leave a comment, please do so below.
For this week, this is Melody Fletcher author of Deliberate Receiving: Finally, the Universe Makes Some Freaking Sense! This has been this week’s Q&A, and I’ll see you next week. Bye!
I just saw this video today and it reminded me of this post.
Thank you, Melody, for this post! Bravo! I believe this video will help a lot of people. I’ve been there, too. You gotta help because you have to be a good person, because it’s polite, because it’s unselfish, because, because, blah, blah…
I am someone who loves to be alone and even if I do love people, I love being by myself even more. My girlfriend is the same type. But I also love to have interaction with people and then it feels good. I love helping people, simply because it feels good. And I learned that you could help in a myriad of ways (as someone above pointed out) and that I myself have to feel good and do not have to suffer while helping. And that it is totally okay if someone does want to do his/her thing.
Thanks and bless you!
Inspirational thinking, means to do something that provokes, seeing more of…
interesting, almost incredible feats ! Do you see… Can you imagine yourself in
the Circus amazing feats as flying through the air with no safety nets, just to
say I WANT people to believe I can do this !` Well` is what you have just created !
Just to say…We look for excitement. Just like, The Beatles,U-2,or Micheal Jackson !
What will you see next, or better create…See..
I think this post reached all over the planet ! Awesome. As Cheryl said
above, we all are connect and are just one big… soul…to…speak…
What are you thinking just, right, NOW…? I know, awesome, I like to
hear people feeling happy. Laughing out loud at how good they feel, and
creating joyful (willingness to grow in a fruitful passionate evolving way ).
I work in a very “save the world” type field (education philosophy and policy) and I do sometimes feel overwhelmed by the weight of the problems we face. But I’m not necessarily in it because I think I am going to make a significant impact (though this is an awesome possible by-product). Rather, I like problem solving. I get so immersed in the minute details that the wider view fades away. I feel just fine with the fact that my motives are not completely altruistic. I think we do better work when it is interest driven rather than motivated by extrinsic purposes.
We are all the same at level 4 (to use your analogy melody) so chasing your bliss contributes to the happiness of others just as much as helping others find their bliss does.
Unified soul theory. We’re all just one, big soul. How could making this earthly YOU happy do anything but add to the happiness of the *big* you?
I’ve had this guilt too! Especially in the beginning of my journey. And what you wrote about intuition is also what I needed to hear. I feel so unsure of the right things to do, think and be. As much as I love this blog, sometimes I get confused about which advice applies to me and which doesn’t (because there are different questions and answers for different situations!)
How do you get yourself to act on something that you need to/should do? In my case it’s looking for work and a new place to live. I feel a lot of dread, overwhelm, stress and just plain not wanting to do it. I have been sitting with these feelings, letting myself feel them, and have even searched a few times already, but I would quickly stop and back off because it felt full of struggle and stress. I have trouble trusting that the Universe could deliver me something soon without me having to go out and look for it myself. My trust about these types of things used to be a lot better, but since learning about the LOA, it’s not very strong anymore. Ideally I could just get all the money I need another way or receive it very easily without having to do much, and have some great new living situation just present itself to me…but I don’t really believe these things could happen unfortunately.
Find the feeling place of having that perfect place to live, and a job that would make you happy and enjoy going to work every day. Just let that feeling get stable within you, and soon you’ll be inspired to the right actions to get what you need.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this video! Thanks so much for addressing this topic. I needed to hear this, and then, your video just appeared in my reality!
I will probably listen to it about 10 more times to make sure it is firmly implanted in my consciousness.
I loved this post so much and I totally agree with what you are saying. I think to some degree we all want to contribute to the good of others in some way because it does feel really good to help people but there are so many ways to do that. It doesn’t always have to be with some bold action or in a huge way and it CERTAINLY does not have to involve any sort of sacrifice on our part, or by having some sort of career like a coach or a healer. If you love fashion, you can help design clothes people love, you can help people be beautiful if you are a make up artist, if you love math and numbers you can be an accountant and help people with their finances.
I do coaching because I love it and it feels really good not because I ‘have’ to or I feel some sort of obligation to share my ‘wisdom’ or whatever.
The energy of the question had a lot of frustration and perhaps guilt there, so I hope that this answer quelled some of that and this person can just go about finding their happiness in the way that works best. And I do agree with what she said that her being happy in and of itself does serve a ‘larger’ purpose for sure.
I love the ‘Auntie Mellow-D’ !
And thanks for the clarification Melody – it IS about following your joy – and you are so very inspiring !
You’re the best, your guidance lifted my sadness and fears away and I love your laughter in this video. So adorable!
And if I may speak on behalf of everyone else (because I can create in their reality when I’m on your blog) WE. ALL. LOVE. YOU
Yes, this drives me nuts sometimes.
I’m of course in a line of work that helps people. But, I do it largely because, well, I feel good doing it. If I don’t like working with a particular person, I won’t. If it gets to the point where I no longer feel good doing what I do, I won’t do it.
For a while, I let myself get to the point where I felt like I “had” to do these things. And I noticed because it started to feel bad, or like I was forcing it, and I just felt like I didn’t have as much energy.
But then I started focusing on what I love about my work, and what I want to attract more of. And then things got a lot easier. 🙂