Is it ok to use the word hate, as in “I hate something”? The Law of Attraction police would have you think NOPE! But I say Yes! Watch today’s video and find out who’s right!
Today, I want to talk to you about the word hate, or any kind of expression of negative emotion. A lot of times when I’m coaching someone, they want to tell me how they’re doing, what is going on in their lives, what it is that they want to fix, or what’s not really working for them. They want to tell me what they want to work on, basically, but when they try to do so, they start to censor themselves, because they’ve read all The Law of Attraction books, and they’ve heard so many Law of Attraction students and teachers say that you shouldn’t express negative emotion, and if you do so (saying you hate this or you don’t like something, or saying something makes you angry), you are focusing on the negative and therefore perpetuating it in your life. Well, I have another word for that: denial.
If you are not aware of how you really feel, if you’re not able to express it, if you’re not able to look at it and get in touch with it, then you can’t shift it. You can only shift that which you are aware of, because it’s often only through the expression of it [your emotion] that you truly become aware of how you feel. If you don’t allow yourself to express it, you often forgo the awareness. Here’s the thing:
Why are we in denial?
You can be in denial because you are asleep, you haven’t awakened yet, and you’re not at all aware of how you feel or even that the feeling is important to you. You have been trained out of that knowledge completely and you go through your life not aware of how unhappy you are. We all know how that feels, because we have all been there or at least we know people who are still there. You can also be in denial because you have awakened to a certain degree, you know that emotions are important, you understand that shifting emotions are important and that you can feel better, and you know you are the creator of your own reality; but you demonize the negative feelings and you don’t allow yourself to express them or fully feel them, and therefore, you cannot shift them. Both of these kinds of denial will do the same kind of damage, because in both case,s you are suppressing how you feel; you are suppressing your negative emotions.
Why we have negative emotion
Remember that negative emotion is a messenger that will deliver its message! If you don’t listen to it, it will manifest in bigger and bigger ways until it’s screaming loud enough, or it’s smacking you in the back of the head with a frying pan, so that you pay attention and you get the point. You then look at it and think, “oh my god, this is too painful!”, and you finally turn the other way; you finally make a change.
It doesn’t have to get that bad before you can make a change. You can feel a little bit of negative emotion and say, “Oh hello friend; let me hear what it is you have to say; give me your message.” It gives you your message and then it goes away! When the messenger has delivered his message, he leaves, because he has done his job, or in the case of emotions, they have done their job.
Now, I can hear you asking, if you say you hate something, are you not perpetuating negative emotion? No you’re not; not necessarily… If you are aware of what you’re doing, meaning you are doing it consciously (that is the real pertinent word here, consciously), then no, you’re not. You will feel a great sense of relief when you finally admit how you truly feel. I cannot tell you how many times, possibly thousands of times, I’ve heard people finally come out with the statement, “Oh my god, I hate my job!”, “Oh my god, I hate my husband!”, and “That thing really pisses me off to no end.” Or they simply say “No! That is not ok!”, when they’ve been trying to tell themselves for years that it is ok.
I have witnessed that over and over again, and I’ve seen the sense of relief that comes with it when people finally let go of the need to negate how they feel. They admit it and there is a flow of energy just from that admission. Only then can you start to shift the energy of it. You start doing that by listening to the emotion, by feeling the emotion, by sitting with it and giving it a moment. Do not negate it or judge it and do not push it away. In fact if you can allow it, you don’t need to do anything else. The energy will shift just by doing that. But if you have resistance to that [the allowing], there’s a whole bunch of intellectual based techniques in my book that you can use.
Using the word “hate” consciously vs. unconsciously
What happens when we use the word hate without consciousness, i.e., from an unconscious point of view? The emotion isn’t being shifted, because the emotion isn’t fully being acknowledged. You see, there is always something behind the hatred; there is always something behind the negative emotion. That’s the message it’s trying to give you. When you are not conscious, you’re not getting that message. So, when you fully understand your own hatred, you’ll understand what’s behind it, which is a fear. When you understand that fear, then you can shift it. When somebody isn’t doing that consciously, then yes they are perpetuating the energy of their resistance, and so it just gets worse and worse, again, until it gets bad enough that we eventually run the other way.
We can witness at lot of that going on in the world right now. There’s a lot of this ricocheting happening at the moment, because there’s a lot of things happening in the world right now that are so abhorrently painful that it’s causing explosions of consciousness to happen. A lot of the time that looks like people finally standing up and saying, “It’s not ok anymore. I was trying to be ok with this, I really was; I was trying to be Zen about it; I was trying to feel better about it; I was pivoting and I was thinking positive thoughts, but goddamit, it is not ok!”
A lot of times awakening looks just like that. If you look around, you can see that happening and it’s a beautiful thing. If you look within yourself, that may also be happening to you as well. That also is a beautiful thing. It’s a process that leads you to empowerment, so just let it happen. If you hate something, say it and say it consciously. If you dislike something, if something is not ok with you, if you have been abusing yourself in some way by holding yourself in a situation that isn’t ok with you, then you have to say so. THEN, dig deeper and find out what it’s really about, because that is how you shift the energy. You get to feel good! It’s just that often times, you have to first acknowledge how bad you’re actually feeling, before you can let the good feelings in.
In the beginning of this video, I said (in a tongue in cheek way) that some teachers say this, and I say that, and who’s right; but of course, no one is right and everyone is right, and it turns out we both are! If you are doing it from an unconscious point of view, then saying I hate something doesn’t really shift anything. And yet, telling that person that they shouldn’t say “I hate”, isn’t going to do any good as they won’t be able to hear you or understand what the hell you’re talking about. If you are doing it from a conscious point of view, then the words you are saying don’t matter. It’s the energy behind them that matters. If you are expressing something, if you are expressing your truth, then use whatever words you want to, because you are on your way to shifting to a better feeling truth. You can only do that if you are completely and totally aware of where you are and how you are feeling.
I hope I have once and for all cleared up the confusion around this topic and given you permission to use whatever words you want to, so that you can express your truth on the way to becoming more empowered.
If you have a question that you’d like me to answer in a possible video like this, or you’d like to share your own experiences with being censored by the LOA police, please do so below. Thank you for bringing your special light to the world.
Until next week – Bye!
Just read this now. Sometimes I feel like I’m not “supposed” to say something or be negative and then I feel restricted. But there are times when I do feel negative and down and it’s ok to express that. Thanks for the post, Melody. 🙂
Thank you, Melody, this has cleared up confusion AND I just might RELEASE some stuff and allow wellbeing in! My love to you and all on your site.
Love, Julie 🙂
Have you seen this? A little bit of scientific evidence is always a good thing. The whole theme of memory reconsolidation is so interesting, and ties in perfectly with LoA.
Thanks for the link! I hadn’t seen this before. Very interesting. They are activating a frequency and then disassociating it from the trigger. I’d be interested if they are actually able to shift the underlying cause this way, though. Getting rid of a trigger doesn’t mean the thing that was triggered is now gone. I’ve been digging into PTSD a bit more (or PTSI, as I like to call it. Injury vs. Disorder), and what I’m realizing is that soldiers who come back with PTSD already had it when they left for war, just in a much milder form. They wouldn’t have known to call it that. Their experiences in war and how they affected them had to match their vibration, which was already there. So, we always have to get to the heart of that (not the origin of it, just the energy of it), to get rid of the fear itself. Otherwise, it will simply be triggered by something else.
But I love the direction that this professor is taking. I realize that they may not have been able to go very deeply into the concept in this video and they may actually already be shifting underlying energy. And if they aren’t yet, they’re on their way, for sure. 🙂 Happy dance!!! I just love stuff like this!!
“Their experiences in war and how they affected them had to match their vibration, which was already there”.
Yes I agree. The fear is the symptom caused by trauma. The trauma was attracted by a certain vibration. And the vibration was caused by a core belief which needs to be ‘dug out’ and examined. The difficulty with these core beliefs is that they are always surrounded by very vigilant ego defense mechanisms. If you (or they) even get close to such core beliefs, you’re met with a very sudden and aggressive/dismissive/avoidant attitude. Or worse, denial/disembodiment/depersonalization/unconsciousness etc. etc.
I’ve got an awesome ebook on how these beliefs and defenses are layered which I reckon you’d appreciate. Will email it.
Great video, Melody. Guess what? I f*** hate my job! I’ve been saying this for so long and was told by a LOA coach back in 2012, I had to find “peace” with my job and be “ok” with my job to attract what I really wanted. Guess what? It never resonated with me. I studied with her for 1 yr and still hated my job. I absolutely love this! This is what I’ve been trying to do for so long and have held back like others bc saying you hate your job will bring you more of the same, right? Guess what? I don’t give a shit anymore. I hate my job and I am going to own it! Thanks so much. You’re awesome and the ONLY LOA coach who has ever said anything like this!
I have read this post again: http://www.deliberateblog.com/2012/09/04/how-my-teeth-tried-to-kill-me-and-why-im-glad-they-did/
and I have a question.
As mentioned in one of the comments, what if someone had vision problems (shortsightedness or even being blind, whether from birth or since a point in lifetime)? Should such a person then visualize (get into the feeling of) having perfect eyesight, and set a powerful intention to release any resistance staying in the way of perfect eyesight? Would that actually get the energy going and speed it up, and thus create a manifestation that would help them release the resistance? (even if the person doesn’t know what the resistance is about)?
Also, would it be possible to cure AIDS in this way? Would a very strong desire for healing it and a powerful intention to release the resistance that’s causing AIDS create strong, awful manifestations (since AIDS is perceived as incurable), which, if we would surrender to them, would cause the resistance to be released, thus making AIDS (HIV) disappear?
Also, since there are strong beliefs around the world about AIDS being incurable, what kind of manifestations for releasing the resistance might happen? Since we are talking about ultra strong global beliefs, would the manifestation have to be something terrible, like falling into a coma?
As I said in my comment on the Tooth post, it’s not necessarily as simple as vision being about vision. In other words, just focusing on perfect vision and the feeling of it, might not get the energy going that will solve the real issue. I’d start by acknowledging how the imperfect vision feels. That’s going to lead you down the thread of what this vision thing represents. Then, once you have a good idea of that, focus on the opposite of that (what you want instead) to get the energy going. Then, the resistance will pop up to be released.
And yes, AIDS is curable. Everything is. Again, the manifestation will be unique to every individual (AIDS isn’t the same manifestation for everyone). There have already been many, many examples of people spontaneously becoming HIV free. Some through large manifestations (a guy in Berlin had a bone marrow transplant) while others just kind of gravitated out of the disease and into health. The new AIDS drugs are an interim solution we can more easily accept than spontaneous healing. How large the manifestation is, depends entirely on the individual and how willing and able they are to “hear” the message. Maybe it’s a paper cut, or maybe it’s a coma. In any case, the messenger is never bigger than it needs to be to get the message across.
I hope that makes sense.
Melody, thank you a lot for the reply and clarification. This is very helpful, and also very interesting. 🙂
Not to hijack this post, but how did people come to the conclusion that things were incurable anyway? I assumed that this happened because people observed that certain things didn’t start healing on their own and figured it couldn’t be done. Take teeth for example, they can heal, but why didn’t they do so back then (by “back then”, I’m referring to early humans)? Why didn’t they begin to heal themselves, like a cut or a bruise would? I’m confuuused
A lot of limiting beliefs were formed due to simply observing and coming to faulty conclusions. It’s inevitable when you don’t have any frame of reference. Early humans, by the way, had no tooth decay. That developed later, around the time when we began using agriculture. My theory (which is not entirely fleshed out yet, but I’m inspired to share) is that when we were hunting and gathering in tribes, every member of the tribe was valuable. We each had our part to play and we each knew how we benefited the tribe. With agriculture, we allowed more uneven distribution of “wealth”, meaning that powerlessness was able to creep in more. While agriculture allowed for great advancement, it also allowed for a greater energy imbalance. Those with the most “wealth” also often became the most divorced from the land…
Indigenous people don’t assume something can’t be healed. They understand nature, and nature can heal anything that isn’t fatal. But we placed ourselves above nature at some point and decided that we knew better. We interfered with the healing process (we still do). If we couldn’t figure out how to heal it, it couldn’t heal. The belief that if we don’t understand something, or if we can’t replicate it in a lab that it doesn’t exist is still very prevalent today.
All of this didn’t happen by the way, because we’re horrible, arrogant beings. It happened because on our journey to ultimately awakening, we had to go through a process of individuation (Two year olds go through this, as do teenagers). In order to have free will, we had to be able to feel entitled to make up our own minds. And in the first stages, this looks a lot like massive arrogance. Again, see two year olds, and teenagers, lol. It was all just part of the process. 🙂
You can hijack the conversation any time you like. I love shit like this! 🙂
Thank you for your answer, really appreciate it!! Thank you, also, for giving me permission to hijack conversations, lol
Hi Z, just read your comment now and there is a man called Jerome Braggs who nearly died due to AIDs and related conditions and healed himself (twice). He’s a spiritual teacher. You can check out his website here if you’d like to have a look: http://jeromebraggs.com/
You’re welcome, I hope it helps to answer your questions. 🙂
I watched his introduction video, and he said the key component I’m missing: loving myself. I mean, I guess I like myself somewhat, but it’s still low on the scale. Thank you for introducing him to me!
You’re welcome. 🙂 I follow him on Facebook and have found his posts helpful.
I struggle with loving myself too, I think a lot of people do. I’m working on it though.
I had to laugh at that one… I am guessing,you did not get the memo…
I love the direction of this post towards authenticity. I think it’s a fine line in spirituality between acknowledging and becoming conscious of the story, but…..not indulging in it! We have to realize that we….are not….our thoughts/feelings/emotions etc. Which doesn’t mean we should push them away or reject them, but compassionately through self love understand that most if not all of our negativity stems from old conditioned/programmed patterns and often over active limbic systems based on fear. We need to love those thought patterns, and understand they have just been calling out for us to hear and be held, but not indulge in them.
Many people get caught up in “I need to express my story” and don’t realize that all of us, are just expressing different stories to each other and different thought patterns that we’ve taken on. Anger or negativity that has been repressed has been done so likely out of fear of rejection throughout our lives, because we’ve been conditioned to believe that we need love from other people. But, when we come to see that this was just a belief that clung on to, we don’t need to make that pattern part of our story anymore. Nor do we need to continue to indulge any longer than necessary. If emotions need to come up, then let them come up. If not, then just see it, and move on to something that feels better.
None of these are who we truly are. So, it is very vital that we become conscious to these beliefs (otherwise they will play out unconsciously), but also realize that when we DO feel negativity, that negativity is not “who we are”. It’s just often a scared aspect of our own programming which is just looking for our own love. You can’t change the story from WITHIN the story, but only when you realize the profoundness that “you are NOT the story”.
Great as usual. I felt a huge relief just by watching this and immediately started writing down a bunch of stuff that IS NOT OKAY in my life. The world is going through something huge right now and even those who aren’t awaken yet can sense this…
Changing the subject completely, realizing how awesome you are in everything you teach, I really wanted to watch a conversation between you and Bentinho Massaro, that should be interesting. If it ever happens, please record it! Haha I don’t even know your opinion of his teachings, so now I’m curious. Personally, I think you’re both wonderful!
Wow. I hadn’t heard of Bentinho Massaro. But I just checked him out and what a beautiful energy he has!! Will definitely keep my eye out for him. Let’s see if the Universe arranges a meeting. 🙂
Big smooshy hugs,
Wow! I think this is my favorite video you’ve done yet. I’m in the middle of your book(love it!) and you really do have a way of explaining things in a way that fully sinks in for me. Thank you for sharing your beautiful light in the world.
Mel, I like how you let people express what they really feel. I’ve been to many therapists over decades and these dickheads are so fucked up in their own psychology that they can’t permit honest heartfelt expression. It makes them too uncomfortable, because it triggers their own buried pain. Most of them get into the job in order to understand their own problems. No wonder they never actually help anyone. That wil be $250 thanks. See you next week. Arseholes.
Ok there’s my pain expressed. What’s the opposite? More people like Mel! People who allow realness, even when it’s intensely negative.
I second that! More people like Melody needed.
Thank you so much for this video! I tried to ignore the Pink elephant in the room but it was there, and sometimes I thought there was something wrong with me or the LOA. Sometimes I thought Maybe LOA was just another “religion” where you are supposed to BELIVE ( although my eyes, my mind, my feelings and my experience tell something different.) But you cleared this for me, thank you!!!!
I loved this post so so much and I totally agree with everything you say. While it’s true that at some point ‘something’s got to give’ and we do need to work on fostering more positive emotion, we really can’t get to that place genuinely until we deal with what’s already there. If we’re not doing that, we’re basically trying to pile the ‘positive’ emotion on top of the crap hoping that’s enough to tip the scales in our favor. Like you said, the emotion is simply a messenger and it’s delivering us gold in terms of actually changing our energy and clearing out what’s not serving us. For me, the key in really feeling better wasn’t manifesting certain things I wanted–which I managed to do–it was dealing with all the crap because it was that stuff that was the true source of my discontent, not what I had or didn’t have in my physical reality.
I can definitely relate to this. When I began feeling comfortable with letting myself hate things, a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. My life isn’t perfect and there are still pretty big unwanted aspects present. I hate where I live and feel stuck here (though I am researching how to leave, where to go, etc.) I also hate forcing myself to do things to to get where I want to go and expand my skill level in a certain area.
Aside from that, anyone have experience manifesting expensive material items? I need a new computer and certain software that is quite expensive. Right now, I cannot currently afford these things and am not sure at all about how I can obtain them soon. When I think of why I want them and what I’ll use them for, I feel excited, because I’ll be able to do something I’ve wanted to for a long time!!!
Melody, in addition to coaching calls, do you do coaching via video too?
Keep on focusing in the way that excites you, and trust that it will bring about solutions that feel the same way! This is how it’s done! 🙂
I don’t do video coaching (part of the thrill of working from home is that I get to work in my jammies. So I’m not always “camera ready”). HOWEVER, there’s something coming soon, that I’m so excited about, but can’t quite yet tell you, that will fill this request. Stay tuned!! OMG, so excited. Can’t say. Argh!
Thanks Melody! 🙂 So when I focus on what excites me, it can be on any topic, not only on the specific things I want?
Ooh I’m excited to hear about your new project!! Can’t wait for its release!
Yep! It doesn’t really matter what you focus on. What matters is how you feel. 🙂
What if you are in state of “boredom” or void, where you don’t enjoy old activities, and you want new stuff to come in. So you acknowledge it and try to shift but it doesn’t change much, sometimes get worse. I am not denying my emotions but staying in this state is so painful, I imagine or visualise things do not evoke much emotions. Now I have also got this fear of expectations as I expected some things to happen and it didn’t so I doubt if I really want that, or if I am ready for that. Then another thought comes to my mind “do not do anything to make things happen” then I am like ehat to do, old lost its charm and new is not coming and I don’t see any gate either to walk through to the new life. It’s been 3 years like that, I have peeled many layers reading your post, now I feel like shaved chicken ???????????? is therr anything left, sign of unworthy or doubt(may be yes) what to do??
This reminds me of your broken water heater story! It can get really tricky because, as you mentioned before, a lot of us in the spiritual/LOA community will doggedly try to stay all “zen and shit” and try to think positively even when we’re feeling a clear negative emotion, and even if we have to fake it and lie to ourselves.
Agree! Staying present daily….
I hate my job and truly believe that I deserve to be happy…so, many thoughts one reaction!!!!! Bust the old belief… presently looking for new job… effortlessy
I love you Melody. Words cannot express my gratitude for this video. I trust you can feel it. 🙂
I shed lots of tears watching this, tears and anger with myself, for going so long believing other people’s truths were more important than my own. So, I denied and shushed myself, especially when it felt icky. I did it so often and for so long, I got lost. I didn’t even know how to find my internal compass, much less honor it.
Hearing this solidified what’s been bubbling up in me for six months now. I’m ashamed at the abuse I put myself through, yet, grateful at the same time. It brought me here.
Many, many thanks.
I think this is such a fine line. It’s true that we shouldn’t focus on the negative. But, most people take this as ignoring the negative emotions that are present. These are two totally different things.
Abraham says to tell the story as we want it to be. But they say that the it’s not just about the words. It’s about the way we feel as we’re speaking the words.
So, I think we need to take the negative emotions as what they are: messengers, just as you say. 🙂 Notice them, and turn our focus to the positive.
It’s not the emotion itself that’s unwanted, it’s what that negative emotion represents.
Awesome video Melody. 😀
Totally needed this. Been feeling triggered and feeling my emotions lately
YES. Yes yes yes yes yes! THANK YOU for validating this. It’s what I’ve learned in my decades of battling mental illness, and this is exactly the truth that propelled me to overcome and essentially cure bipolar disorder. When I first allowed myself to ask the questions, “What is the purpose in my depression? What is the mania trying to tell me? Why do I keep getting so angry at my kids?” that’s when the answers appeared. That’s when I began to heal. And that’s when I DID heal. It was truly miraculous, and yet it was so, so simple. I just had to take an honest look at myself and be willing to listen to what my emotions were telling me. And boy, they had a LOT to say. Nowadays when people ask me how I did it, how I recovered from severe mental illness (and I’m asked that question a LOT), the answer is always this: I started to look at my problem from the perspective of, “What is this here to teach me?” Then I allowed the messages to come through, and I listened and obeyed. Period. It’s been 12 years since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and 7 years since I’ve been on medication. And not only am I healthy and happy (generally, because we all have negative emotions), but I am now a professional healer. I was able to not only climb out of my own illness, but I teach people how to do the same. And THIS is at the core of everything I teach. IT WORKS!!!!!
Amazing, Lindsay! Thank you so much for sharing your story!!!! 🙂
I love this! Thank you for sharing Lindsay!