Denial, in all its forms, can be pretty insidious and sneak up on us when we least expect it. Spiritual Seekers and Happy Shiny Puppies aren’t immune from this. In fact, when we use our spirituality (including religious faith) as a defensive mechanism, when we utter platitudes instead of facing our emotions, or dismiss our own or other’s pain as “ego”, we’ve fallen into the denial trap called “spiritual bypassing”. In today’s video, I explore what spiritual bypassing is, how to avoid it and how to guard against others who try to use it on us.



Today’s burning LOA question comes from Awesome Anne, who wants to know…

“Hi Melody, do you think you could talk a little bit about Spiritual Bypassing? I’ve recently discovered the term and I think it means then I’m at the point in time where it’s relevant. Backstory: I grew up in a community of very religious people, who spent a lot of time in prayer and worship, but didn’t always treat others or each other very well outside of that. As I grew older, I discovered alternative forms of spirituality and I discovered secular activism, and I found myself veering towards these things. But even though I believe in good, and I believe in love, and in justice, and in truth, I sometimes see echoes of these people from my childhood in myself. And it really hurts, because I know how much it hurt to see people stand by in silence in the face of injustice, even as they claimed to believe in a faith that was about justice.

So, I guess what I’m wondering is

a)      What’s going on here? I love how insightful you can be about drenching up what’s not been said in a question. But also,

b)      How can we avoid the pitfalls of Spiritual Bypassing? How can we make sure that our pursuit of spirituality is not a distraction from dealing with the here and now?”

Well Awesome Anne, thank you so much for asking this question. Spiritual Bypassing is not a term that I personally use, so you won’t have heard me use it before. But I’m very happy to talk about it and translate it into the words that I do use, into the deliberate receiving language, or the happy shiny puppy language.

What is Spiritual Bypassing?

According to the internet, spiritual bypassing is a “tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.”  Translation: Spiritual bypassing is all about being in denial. Remember that denial is being unaware about how you feel, and your unwillingness and inability to face how you’re feeling, or to face what it is you are afraid of, and then using your spirituality, spiritual words, phrases and platitudes as your defensive mechanism to create a defensive shield around yourself. It’s no different from any other defensive mechanisms; this just happens to be when you use spiritual words and platitudes, or your spirituality (pseudo-spirituality) in order to do that. So what does that look like?

This might be when you see somebody who is in a lot of pain, maybe they’ve lost a loved one, or they’ve had their heart broken by someone and you say to them, “Well you know, you create your own reality and everything does happen for a reason.” And they just want to punch you in the face, because in that moment the vibration behind your words isn’t one of support. It’s one of trying to tell them that they shouldn’t feel what they’re feeling. Telling them “Don’t be in pain! Don’t you know you brought this upon yourself with your own vibration?”, is actually a really powerless way of going about it.

The message behind those words isn’t one of empowerment, it’s actually the exact opposite of what we teach; it’s the language of denial. Here’s the thing that you have to remember about words: Words, in and of themselves, don’t actually mean anything. We have to assign meaning to them; just like everything else in our reality. Words can actually have drastically different meanings depending on the vibration that’s behind them. In secular terms, you might say that it depends on the context in which they’re used, the emotion that’s behind them, the meaning behind them. It’s about what somebody actually means when they say something, whether they’re aware of it or not.

Somebody might say to you, “God bless you.” And if, in that moment, they are in a vibration of pure appreciation and absolute celebration of who you are – a powerful being, you are going to hear that differently than for example, if I’ve just denied you service in my establishment because of your skin colour, or your sexual orientation, or your gender identity, or I’m just being a passive aggressive bitch, and I say to you, “God bless you.” In that moment, what I might be saying (if I was this kind of person), would be, “I feel very powerless in my own life and that is unfair, and then here you come in and you dare to be different from me, which scares me, and you dare to be an individual, and you dare to buck the system and these rules that I have forced myself to conform to, even though I don’t want to. I now feel I have absolutely no power and if I could just gain a little tiny bit of power over you in this moment, I can feel a little bit better….God bless you!” Yes, you are probably going to hear that a little bit differently!

Words mean different things depending on the vibration behind them

So you see there are different vibrations behind words and they don’t always mean what we think they mean. This can be very confusing to children growing up in religious, spiritual, or moral households when those households are actually anything but those things. When we tell a child, or say in front of a child “God is love”, but when the words “God” and “love” have a bunch of baggage behind them and we actually mean something really disempowering by saying something like that, the child is going to pick up on that vibration. We all do this; we all pick up on the vibration behind things, whether we know it or not. Children are particularly sensitive to it because they don’t have as many defensive shields up yet.

What happens is that you start to associate these words that you hear, like Forgiveness, God, Love and Compassion, with the vibration with which they were said and not how you actually want those words to mean or what they can mean in the positive sense. When you then go out on your own and you decide you don’t want to live like that anymore and you find a higher vibration, you start to discover these concepts (possibly tied to other words), and they feel way better. But when you hear these old words, they will activate within you the vibration of how they were once said, and what they were associated with before. That will feel really off. For example:

Making peace with my religious upbringing

I was born and raised Catholic, and for many years, whenever somebody said to me that they were raised Catholic, my first response was to give them my condolences, which was kind of sarcastic, but also not really. As Catholics, we shared the same kind of heritage of guilt, hypocrisy and contradiction. We were taught that God loves you, but if you messed up, you were going to burn forever. He is just going to punish you in the worst possible way for all eternity, unless you tell a priest what you did before you die; then it’s all good. We were told God loves you but if you stand in line in front of me at the breakfast buffet on Sunday after church and you take too long, then I will cut you. That was my experience with Catholicism, which is why my response used to be to give my condolences.

When I was a teenager and in my early twenties, I really broke away from that in a big way; I became an Atheist for a while and I went to the other extreme of “There is no God”, but that didn’t feel right either. I then started to move more and more to spirituality, finding my own way, and making my own decisions, but I had to question everything in order to do that (I’m sure you’ve gone through this process yourself). Even though I did that and got to a really good place on the whole concept of God, for many years after that, I would still bristle when I heard certain words. For example, the word “Lord” as in “The Lord”, as in “The Lord Jesus Christ Our Saviour”; especially when somebody asked me if I had found him, to which I would reply (for many years), “I did not know he was missing!” Which never really landed with that crowd… surprisingly!

I had really made peace with the concept of God in my own heart and within myself, but the words “The Lord Jesus Christ Our Saviour”, these words still really triggered me. I would bristle at them because I had grown up in an environment where those words didn’t mean what they could have meant, what they were purported to mean. When people were talking about love, they were often not in a vibration of love. They were talking about the Saviour, but it was all about us being broken human beings, sinners, being horrible, about everything we had done wrong, and how we should feel guilty all the time, and I mean all the time. This was the concept, the association that I bristled at. Finally though, I realized that the words themselves really didn’t mean anything and I could assign them a new meaning, I could choose to assign them a new meaning. So I did, and I realized I could actually hear those words in the moment and translate their meaning, no matter how they were said, no matter with what kind of vibration they were sent to me. I could choose to deliberately receive (see what I did there!) the words in whatever way I wanted to, whatever way I chose to.

When somebody said the words “The Lord Jesus Christ, the Saviour” to me, suddenly I heard “compassion” and “unconditional love”. I didn’t bristle anymore, because why would I bristle at that; that’s beautiful. It didn’t matter with what energy it was said, because I could choose to hear them in whatever way I wanted. I got to the point where I could say those words and they still meant whatever I wanted them to mean. Now when I use the words “God”, “The Lord” or “Jesus”, when I’m talking to somebody who’s language that is, I have no problem using their language because what I mean by those words will often be very different from how other people have used them, and certainly different to other people from my past who use those words. What is really beautiful is that this may have been the first time that a person has heard somebody use these words with that vibration. That can bring a lot of aha moments, comfort and a lot of healing.

How to protect yourself from Spiritual bypassing and other forms of denial

In your question you asked what is going on here. Well what is going on here is that these associations in your psyche are still being triggered; these associations, these words that you are hearing are still being triggered. These concepts about what faith is, what spirituality is, what religion is, you’re still grappling a little bit with that. And of course it’s showing up within you. If it wasn’t in you it wouldn’t be showing up in your reality at all.

So how do you protect yourself against Spiritual bypassing or against this form of denial?  You become aware of how you feel. And here is where I want to make a little bit of a point, because Spiritual Bypassing can go right along with gas-lighting, which is the manipulative art of being really shitty to somebody and making them feel like it’s their fault, making them feel they are over reacting or being over sensitive, or by saying it’s their problem. In spiritual terms, this often looks like this: “I am so enlightened and if you don’t like something that I’ve said, or you are offended by something that I’ve said, or you just disagree with something that I’ve said, then you are wrong and I am right. I am the enlightened one, and you just don’t “get it”, because you are just not as enlightened as me.”

You are entitled to feel and think how you do

Now if you are a spiritual seeker on the other end of that then, as a spiritual seeker, you are going to question yourself. And as well you should, because you are taking responsibility for your own vibration. Your first thought might be that it is your own thing; for example, if somebody says that it’s just your ego acting up, you may question this, which is all fine and good. Question it, take a look at it, search yourself a little bit. However, the problem arises when you start to give them more power than they are due (which is any power), and you don’t just see it as an impetus to question it by searching yourself, by seeing how that feels and working your way through it. Instead, you ascribe authority to them and assume there is something wrong with you, because you believe there’s nothing wrong with them, there’s nothing wrong with something they’ve just said; they must be right, so you must not be seeing something. There’s something in you that you’re definitely not seeing; there’s something wrong with you! Here you have swapped over into self-blame. There’s a big difference between taking responsibility for your vibration, doing a check, asking why did I manifest this, what am I hearing here – and thinking there must be something wrong with you, believing that the other person must be right and taking their word for it at, or taking their word at surface level.

Bottom Line

Sometimes you are going to manifest somebody coming up to you, saying it’s just your ego, in order for you to say, “No it isn’t! No it isn’t! That doesn’t feel right at all. I am actually entitled to feel the way that I feel and think how I think. You don’t have to agree with me but it doesn’t mean I’m wrong for me.”  When somebody is gas-lighting you, when somebody is doing the Spiritual Bypassing, what they’re always doing, as in any form of manipulation or denial, is they’re saying, “You’re wrong and I’m right.” The only time that anybody needs to do that is if they’re insecure and they’re still living in fear, because otherwise you can say, “I’m right for me. You can be right for you. We’re all right; we’re all cool. So, let’s just pay attention to how we feel and reach for better feeling thoughts.”

I hope I’ve answered your question, Awesome Anne. Once again, thanks for asking it.

If you’ve had your own experiences with Spiritual Bypassing or Spiritual Gas-lighting, please share them in the comments below.

This has been this week’s Q and A. Thank you so much for bringing your light to the world. See you next week! Bye!

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  • Hi Melody,
    I know you have shared on a previous post that all perspectives are valid. Do perspectives have a vibration and do some perspectives vibrate at a higher frequency? A simplified example is, would Hiller’s perspective vibrate at a lower vibration than say Ghandi’s?

  • Thank you so much! I get what you’re saying and all the blog posts I’ve read are sinking in more. I think I’m on the right track now as I’ve been talking to my body more positively . I’m so grateful for all my good health and my strong healthy body. I love you back, and I thank you for all the support and strength you’ve provided to me and continue to provide me. I love you hips and legs for all the strength and power you’ve given me and continue to give me. I love and accept where I’m at now and I’m so proud of how well I’ve done and continue to do. I choose to let go and let God and let go of fear and resistance and allow it all to be easy. As i let go I’m allowing the amazingness of the Universe to flood in with all that I desire. I love to acknowledge how much I’ve accomplished because it makes me feel better. I’m so excited about walking around the park again.

    • Barbara.
      I found this excerpt from Dr. Robert Anthony
      whose “wording” is how I personally would like to communicate the following information:
      “I would like to continue our discussion a little
      further so that you really get what’s happening. I realize your
      teachers, parents, mentors and those around you have taught you to
      tell your story about the WAY IT IS. After all, that is “reality”.

      But here is what you must do. You must begin to tell your story
      about the way you want your life to be. Tell your story of the way
      you want it to be until you begin to believe the story. (After all,
      you believed the “old story” you were telling your cells/body as though it were true!)
      When you believe your New Story, your vibration will shift and the
      universe will match your story. The universe is always matching
      your vibrational energy. Most people don’t know they can offer a
      vibration that matches what they want. Instead they believe they
      should offer a story about the WAY IT IS, not realizing they are
      attracting more of the WAY IT IS.

      You can get swept up in the WAY IT IS because the WAY IT IS gets
      your attention. The reason for this is all of our physical senses
      are designed to help you observe your environment. What you see
      with your eyes is a translation of vibration, what you smell with
      your nose is a translation of vibration. What you feel with your
      fingertips is a translation of vibration. What hear with your ears
      and taste with your tongue is a translation of vibration. You are a
      veritable vibrational interpreter. I just want you to realize that
      the true interpretation of the vibration that is going on within
      you is translated into emotion. Your emotions are really telling
      you the story you want to be aware of.

      So when you feel negative emotion what your inner guidance is
      telling you is you’ve got chronic thoughts going on, and more
      importantly current thoughts in the moment that are not a match to
      what you want. And, depending how strong the negative emotions
      are, it will determine to what extent your thoughts are in alignment
      with your desire. Negative emotion is always the indicator.

      When you feel ANY negative emotion it is time to pay attention
      because you are going in the wrong direction. You are moving AWAY
      from your desires. Use this powerful indicator to your advantage
      and shift your energy in that moment and start moving TOWARDS
      what you desire by changing your story from the WAY IT IS to the
      way you want it to be.”

      I’d like to acknowledge your other statements “So, perhaps its better to just focus on raising vibrations, like watching funny videos, or finding ways to laugh or focusing on anything else but my fears ? That works too, right?” with the following….

      Surrounding yourself with a “Consciously Chosen” “Environment” that nurtures YOUR STORY {, tastes, smells, Music, feelings, Thoughts, etc…TREMENDOUSLY Help while you Embody “Feelings of Confidence” deep enough to continue until manifestation is obtained. Perseverance and Patience are suggested here, because on the physical realm , the “upper energy waves of thoughts” take TIME and SPACE to “redox” [i.e, re-structure the old story into the New story] into Manifestation on the Physical Realm.
      LOVE and LIGHT ItisMe

  • “Words” are the tags that activate the vibration/vibrations they are “Tagged onto”

    “Words/Labels” abound in the external environment, awaiting for you to plug into them and Invest Your AWARENESS, Your ENERGY into establishing enough total Energy for their physical realm manifestation.

    Reading the following will help in your understanding where I’m coming from….

    “The words you choose to use can literally change your brain.”

    Dr. Andrew Newberg, a neuroscientist at Thomas Jefferson University, and Mark Robert Waldman, a communications expert, collaborated on the book, “Words Can Change Your Brain.” In it, they write, “a single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress.”

    When we use words filled with positivity, like “love” and “peace”, we can alter how our brain functions by increasing cognitive reasoning and strengthening areas in our frontal lobes. Using positive words more often than negative ones can kick-start the motivational centers of the brain, propelling them into action.

    On the opposite end of the spectrum, when we use negative words, we are preventing certain neuro-chemicals from being produced which contribute to stress management. Each and every one of us are initially hardwired to worry; it’s how our primal brain protects us from dangerous situations for survival.

    So, when we allow negative words and concepts into our thoughts, we are increasing the activity in our brain’s fear center (the amygdala), and causing stress-producing hormones to flood our system. These hormones and neurotransmitters interrupt the logic and reasoning processes in the brain and inhibit normal functionality. Newberg and Waldman write, “Angry words send alarm messages through the brain, and they partially shut down the logic-and-reasoning centers located in the frontal lobes.”

    Here’s to Us acting and reacting from the place of CONSCIOUS OF BEING CONSCIOUSNESS
    ItisMe {Embodied LOVE Expressed as Unique Perception}

  • Question – I’m trying to visualize feeling good and healthy and going for walks again But, because I’m feeling so shaky and anxious and my legs are weak and unhappy, everytime I do so it just reminds me of how weak I am physically so I’m thinking its just reinforcing the negative. So, perhaps its better to just focus on raising vibrations, like watching funny videos, or finding ways to laugh or focusing on anything else but my fears ? That works too, rght?

    • Barbara
      EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY to create a new language between you and your body…..RIGHT NOW !!!

      Speak to your body while mentally acknowledging that every single cell is presently waiting for your instructions, and for the feeling of the Being acknowledged. through your conscious intention of doing so… on a subtle level which science is beginning to Acknowledge,,,,you can CHOOSE the Building Blocks [i.e.words/labels ] by consciously choosing the words YOU DESIRE to see physically manifest as you walk along and feel your bodily feelings.

      thoughts of “how weak you are physically” can be re-phrased to merge with it’s complementary “positive thought”, that when combined creates Energy which can then be used in the creation of your new communication connection with your body.

      Example: “I’m walking along and my legs feel weak, I would acknowledge my body cells effort at communicating with me by what I find myself feeling in my legs as I walk. I would then interact with my cells by feeling/thinking something like this… “feeling rather weak today are we ….well let Us remember that just means that we are releasing the old connections and at the beginning of making new connections, and Feeling Weak is a NATURAL RESPONSE in the beginning of New Connections.

      I am FEELING YOU.!!! [my cells. my body}which indicates we didn’t lose contact in the release of the “old wording connections” used in our communication connections. Thank you cells for working with me to Choose “New Connecting Feeling words” to connect the communication between me and you. Thank You so Much!! I love you ! let us now continue our walk as we visually and emotionally saturate ourselves {my cells} with love and gratitude at our partnership as we finish our walk. Then I would FOCUS on Feelings of Love and Gratitude for my cells and body-form for working in partnership to do as I as I ask of them. Talk to your cells and body as if they were babies waiting for your instructions.
      any negative talk of feeling weak, respond with understanding that it’s Natural to feel weak in the in-between stages of New Connections.

      yes ….Negative thoughts are the Simulators…Positive thoughts are the Relaxers. And Practicing saying “NO ENTRY” to uninvited thoughts [positive or negative], will not only show you How hard it is at first to stop thoughts in their track until you take back control, but will also show you an Empowering tool we ALL have within us waiting to be plugged into. perseverance and patience
      Love and Light ItIsMe

    • Barbara
      Here is a tool for Anxiety

      Acupressure is an ancient Chinese healing method that involves putting pressure with the fingers or the hand on certain points of the body. The pressure can unblock the flow of Qi to release tension and restore inner harmony. The great thing about acupressure is it is something you can do on your own to promote health, relieve stress and prevent disease

      PC 6– Starting from the wrist, measure down with three fingers as shown in the picture to the right. Where your third finger touches the middle of your wrist is the acupoint. Take your thumb and apply firm pressure to this point until you feel some mild discomfort. Only apply enough pressure to interrupt the normal blood flow but not too much that it causes pain. Hold this pressure point and gently knead your thumb in a tight circular motion for about 2 minutes. Do this to both wrists and you will feel your anxiety descend immediately. This point is also good for nausea!

      HT7– Apply pressure with your thumb at the point where your wrist forms a crease with your hand. Hold the acupressure point for about 2 minutes, applying a generous amount of pressure. This point is good for relieving tension.

  • This is exactly how I’m feeling. My mom passed away this January and my whole world fell apart. I’m an only child, not married and no kids, and so have no close family left. I entered into a period of intense anxiety – sort of like being stuck in fight or flight all the time. I sought help, and realized it has to do with feeling unsafe in the world, but it didn’t help with the fear. It lasted for many months and eventually became physical so it messed up my nervous system and my back, so could only stand for a couple of minutes at a time. I went to a woman who is an intuitive and she said that its my focus on the fear and on the fear of being alone that created all my physical problems. She said instead of focusing on mom not being here, focus on her spirit being around me instead. She basically made me feel like its all my own fault and i caused it all with my negative vibes. Grief has a life of its own – its strong and deep. And the fear was not even conscious – my body just felt like it was being chased by a tiger all the time. So now I’m trying to not blame myself or be so hard on myself, although I do. I’m upset that i’ve created so much of my own pain, but then I remember that I had no control of what happened, and all I can do is learn as I go and acclimatize to a new life in a new world. I could not have done it any differently. I just have to accept that. I still have intense anxiety – still haven’t figured out how to shift it. Its so unconscious.

  • Hi Melody, great video! Over the years, For a long time I struggled with understanding what ‘true’ spirituality looked and felt like. I’ve become fascinated with the ways in which we try to feel endlessly good. In some ways, we are now spiritually distracting ourselves from our feelings, thinking that we are walking a healthy spiritual path.
    Anyway, Thanks for inspiring article.

  • Melody one of the many things I love and resonate strongly with you Abraham about is the message that wherever anyone is is perfectly alright. No one needs to be or “should” be anywhere else. No one is bad, inappropriate, less than or less evolved.
    I’ve never heard the term spiritual bypassing before, but it made me think of emotional scale bypassing. I think when helping anyone it’s essential that you meet them wherever they are on the emotional scale, and don’t try to get anyone to make too big of a jump up the emotional scale. It really is about finding the best feeling thought one has access to.

    • You let them happen, observe and accept them. They don’t have to “interfere”. Yawning can be a release of energy. If you need to sneeze, sneeze. If you itch, scratch. If you need to cough, do so (don’t go choking to death out of principle, lol). You don’t have to detach from your body during meditation; embrace it and all its functions. It’s all about being present, not about being “perfect” in some way. Oh, and if something gets your attention (like a fly), trust that it’s part of the meditation. Because it is. 🙂


  • How can I find the partner I’m looking for? I feel like none of the men I have ever liked wanted a girlfriend or a long term relationship, they just wanted easy sex. They would also, without fail, end up leaving me. I’m afraid I’ll have to settle for someone who I don’t really like and/or am not attracted to.

    I really want to find someone to grow with and marry. Yes, I understand this desire may sound pretty old fashioned and low vibrational on an LOA site, but it’s a real desire of mine. I’m just afraid I won’t find anyone. So far I haven’t. I have recently put my profile on a few dating sites but haven’t found anyone whose profile and photos interest me yet.

    • Also how can I attract a guy whom I’m attracted to who will pursue me, instead of me pursuing him? I feel like the only guys who pursued me were ones I wasn’t attracted to and/or didn’t feel any interest in.

      • Hi Anon

        If you go to the cloud to the right of this page and click on relationships Melody has written lots of blog posts that cover this.

        Hope they help.
        Lorraine x

  • Has anyone gone through a situation like this: Each day I feel “blah” and try to find things that excite me, that would raise my vibration, but I can’t find anything good enough. And then, the more I keep looking for it, the more I realize how boring and pathetic my life is, which actually lowers my vibration quite much. I am grateful and appreciate when the gratitude and appreciation are flowing, but I can’t force it.

    Also, 2 weeks ago, I suddenly got inspired to pick up a hobby I hadn’t played with in such a long time. It excited me, but I started getting pressure in my head and blurry vision, which forced me to stop and lie on bed. The excitement lasted for a week (and the head symptoms subsided), but then it died. I started focusing on the feelings I had when playing with the hobby, but the passion wouldn’t return, nor would I get inspired to do anything else. Not just that, my health (as in abdomen, colon) has started deteriorating again, with demonic pain that feels like there is lava burning inside of me, and the pain is awful. My digestion also went to hell and it’s slow.

    I’ve been allowing the resistance that has been surfacing, and yet the health has been getting worse, and I can’t find excitement in anything. I can’t find things that would raise my vibration significantly, which in turn lowers it (by realizing there’s nothing I can find that makes me feel good).

    Did anyone go through such hell for years, and then finally somehow managed to shift into a great life? I really wish LOA was simple! Why is it so complicated?! When we learn about LOA we should be able to effortlesly shift into a good life, but there are so many catches, that make it near to impossible to get anywhere. There are so many things we need to pay attention to, so many “procedures” to do, like raise our vibration, release resistance, practice gratitude, detach, etc… Does anyone actually find all this procedures simple? I don’t get it, why would the Universe make it so complicated… It’s like we’re in a mine field, and if we don’t do everything right, we’re gonna blow up.

  • “So, let’s just pay attention to how we feel and reach for better feeling thoughts.”

    How clear is that?

    Love it!

    Thanks Melody <3

  • Hi Melody, awesome video again! Thank you! How did you learn and apply/be a wonderful model of LOA and all of this at such a young age?!? :O When I was listening to you, something dawned on me…from ACIM…we give everything it’s meaning. For me I am fearful regarding my health for some reason, so when I hear about health problems, I bristle up. Now I am going to apply what you did and maybe tell myself when I hear something “unwanted” that it just means “misalignment” with my inner being. My inner being doesn’t feel the same way. Any other ideas, Melody??? Thank you so much, my love to you and all on this site!
    Shine on,
    Julie 🙂

    • Is it possible that you associate health issues with powerlessness? I’m just guessing because I’ve had a lot of fear around my body / health and it all boiled down to that.

      • Thank you, April. Yah…and we aren’t powerless or victims…we can shift our emotions and feel better. I love learning or should I say remembering this. 😉 Blessings and love to you.
        Julie 🙂

  • Dear Melody,
    After seeing your video, I felt some clarity, after coming from Catholic, Atheism circle. I feel it is ok to seek out spirituality. I think LOA is a kind of spirituality and it doesn’t impede on anyone yet everyone can come to the LOA party if they want.
    Meanwhile I wondered why though, why am I always arguing with my sister. She draws me out for attention by calling me every day. I wondered how the heck do I manifest that? Did I manifest that? The arguments begin just because I don’t agree with her. I don’t choose to engage with her if I can help it. All calls revolve around her and how sick she is and how her husband is such a immature man and a mommy’s boy. I see both sides of the fence it is so damned hard to get her to understand my language! I wondered is she a messenger? I have drawn my boundaries with her and told her so many times to stop. I feel like I cannot get through and I feel as though she enjoys drawing me in so she gets attention. She loves to have control and more than once I have told her she needs to stop driving her life with the brakes always on, yet she goes on justifying her behaviour – she drives herself in endless circles. I have purposely stepped out of those circles, wanting to live my own life the way I see fit (and I am feeling life overall is getting to the sweet place).
    I looked up the term gaslighting and I saw it fit my situation. I just don’t know how to filter/block her out of my life or at least get to her to pipe down. I don’t want to be dragged into a place of powerlessness. I’ve been there and I refuse to get down and dirty with it again.
    Just not sure what to do or where to go next.

    • I have the same kind of issue with my aunt–she complains endlessly. I tried helping her think more deeply about her situations so that she could resolve them, but her life seems to be one long drama. I tried being honest with her and telling her that if we were going to continue the relationship, I needed the endless griping to stop. She complained less for a few weeks, and then went back to her old habits. So far I haven’t followed through on cutting off all ties, because it’s awkward in a family, plus I worry that I am somehow hurting her by refusing to listen to her pain.
      I don’t want to be a gaslighter, but I also don’t want to have to hang out with people who drag my energy down all the time. How do we draw the line between letting others have their pain and acknowledging them, and yet choosing relationships that bring us joy and fulfillment rather than endless spectator drama?
      If anyone can advise Viv and me, it would be very much appreciated!

      • Thanks for your reply Lisa!
        My sister wants advice, I give it. She rings three or four other people and then comes back to me. Seriously! She says “Viv you were right…” its a cycle I want to stop dead in its tracks.
        I googled gaslighter and its like yes! Thats her!
        I know she is coming from a place of powerlessness. Insecurity and fear (without Google!) and shaming, guilting blaming everyone else but her is default and is driving her. I know it is her choice to do these things and I don’t care really what she does. “I’m just helping, I just care is all…” justifications to back up her actions – but they don’t fit. I can’t fix any of that. I have told her this. Give her a week to cool off and its back in the circle. Today I told her, I am not giving in. I know that I am right and when my intuition/gut kicks in I definitely know I am on the right track. I have been standing up to her for a while now and thats when the arguments start and again always in circles. Can you imagine talking to someone for twenty minutes and its a loop and then they repeat everything you’ve said only after they’ve disagreed with you the whole way arrrrggggggghh!!! . It just irks me that she has to call me up to draw me in just to end up in argument. If I accept her calls, I am allowing her in. (I guess that is an answer of sorts). If I decline her I don’t have to listen – ha ok. I’ve already unplugged the home telephone line 🙂 and she’s on block. It sucks that its family. Maybe I should just cut her loose.
        But did I manifest it in my reality? And if I did why?

      • Hi Lisa,

        I’d say much the same to you as to Viv. I’d ask yourself why the complaining is triggering you. What are you holding that is allowing her complaining to be in your reality? When we let the ego come up with a solution, it never feels good. You try to tell her to stop, or you’ll cut her off, but it doesn’t work, and you feel too bad to really go through with it. That’s the classic sign of an ego solution.

        If you go within and align with the answer, though, your Beingness, Higher Self, whatever you want to call it, will bring you the answer effortlessly, generally within that same day if you’re listening. I’ve done this countless times, and it’s worked every single time. The Universe wants to answer, but you have to align with that answer, instead of continuously asking the question.

    • Hi Viv,

      Just my opinion of course, but I would check what this is reflecting within you. When something bothers us, no matter how much it seems to be the other person’s fault, it is reflecting something from within ourselves.

      Just some thoughts. They may or may not apply to your situation, but I only have your comment to go on.

      It stood out to me that you say you’ve set boundaries, but you’re still drawn in. So perhaps you’re not enforcing those boundaries?

      Also, you say it’s hard to get her to understand your language. Why does she need to understand? She’s in her place on her spiritual path right now. She’s going to, for the time being anyway, be deaf to what you’re trying to tell her.

      Can you just let her be who she is, without trying to change or fix her?

      I know it’s hard when it’s family, because we want to help them. But, sometimes, we just can’t.

      • Thanks Brandon for your take!
        I can’t see what might be reflecting back yet .. Although I have been working on my life and cleaning up the energy and clear up some roadblocks that have been there for a while. It has been well overdue, but feeling better and much happier in my life. Its like a major Spring clean. I have been sitting with the emotions that these problems represent to me and thinking about it and doing things to clear it up so it doesn’t build up and cause catastrophe.
        I do sometimes think that we as sisters/humans/beings are on two different levels (speaking two different languages). I like your idea Brandon, that it could be the path she is on makes her deaf to others. Something to consider as it makes sense.
        I don’t want to fix her, that is up to her to do whenever/however she chooses.
        Family to me means Sam and Dean Winchester kind of deal. Does not matter how many mistakes you make and piss each other off, you’re still family and still forgivable.

  • Hey Melody
    As always you have such a way of explaining such topics. The one thing that was really running through my mind with this post is that many people who get into a teaching such as the LOA start feeling immense pressure to get all happy, and many people who speak of this teaching place this focus on relentless positivity. In the name of ‘manifesting’ a lot of stuff goes unexamined because it’s ‘negative’ to look at it. Also, I think this teaching can hold appeal because it is seen as a way to bypass emotional pain by just being able to manifest all the things we think will not have to make us feel it anymore, not realizing the lack of this specific thing really isn’t what is making us feel badly. It’s the meaning being assigned to this lack that is usually full of really badly feeling beliefs and thoughts about ourselves.

    I speak a lot about being willing to face and embrace all that stuff, and I know a lot of people don’t want to hear that; they just want to know what they can ‘do’ to get their stuff and I totally get that as a fellow human. But all the affirmations, the vision boards and other tools will not be able to compete with that energy, which is still dominant. One of the biggest issues for people working on conscious creation is denial of their true feelings.

  • Super good! Thanks!

    I wonder if you’d say that this is also an thing where a person says “I am in pain” (no matter the words they’re using to describe the specifics) and the other person basically can’t handle being around people in pain, because they’ve been trained to believe that they are responsible for everything (maybe?) – so then I think that other person often naturally tries to make themselves feel better by offering something shallow and trite-sounding like “Everything happens for a reason” or “They’re in a better place now” – which is a way of silencing that other person about their pain. I find this cropping up in my own behavior in surprising ways at times. I think maybe sometimes, if I am super honest, I would actually be able to think to myself “Hmmm, I don’t really want to listen to this person complain about her ex-husband and how terrible he is, that doesn’t feel good to me”, and I would leave the situation… instead of trying to talk them out of their pain.

    Still working on it.

  • I relate to this so much. I still cringe when I hear those Christian words. It’s something I’m working on.

    I like your idea of associating these words with different concepts. So far, I’ve been using NLP to dissociate with them, or just releasing that resistance as it arises. But it’s a good idea.

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