So there you are, ready to manifest your dreams. You’re in a relationship, but your significant other is not playing ball. They don’t seem to be as committed to this manifesting process as you would like them to be, or they’re doing something else that seems to be interfering with your manifestation. You are finding yourself getting a little bit resentful because you think they might be slowing down your manifestation and the receiving of what it is you want. If this sounds familiar, watch today’s video and find out what you can do about it.
Today’s Law of Attraction question comes to us from Awesome Charee, who wants to know: “What about if it is in the case of my husband and I? We have so many plans, but he won’t jump in and help, and I feel like I’m doing it by myself. I find myself saying if he doesn’t want I’m not going to either, which I think may be slowing creation at bit. What should I do?”
Well Awesome Charee, thank you so much for asking this question, because I think it’s something so many of us struggle with. Most of us find it much easier, when we are by ourselves, to hold the vibration of something that we want. It’s easy to see the good feeling place, to notice how we are feeling, to allow the negative emotion, to do the work and then to step into the belief that what we want is actually on its way. But enter another human being or even just watching television, and we might find it a little bit more complicated.
You might be feeling really good all day and your significant other comes home and starts bitching, moaning and complaining about the horrible day they’ve had, and you’re now finding it really difficult to stay in your happy, shiny place. You find yourself getting very resentful, because they’re harshing your buzz, so to speak; they’re bringing you down. Or, you might have some common goals, something that you’re working on manifesting together – maybe a new house, or a vacation or something, and they don’t seem to be pulling their weight; and it causes you to doubt that you’re going to get what you want, because this is a co-creation, a joint creation, a joint manifestation, and you become resentful. In either case, the cause is exactly the same. It’s a lack of “vibrational stability”.
What is vibrational stability?
Vibrational stability is your ability to hold the vibration of your choosing no matter what environmental or external factors may be present. When somebody more negative comes into your reality and they start pulling you down, or they don’t seem to be pulling their weight, you’ll start to doubt that you’re going to get what you want. In both of those cases, you’re allowing somebody else to affect your vibration. This doesn’t feel good; you have some negative emotion going on and now you’re blaming them for the fact that you don’t feel good. You’re not taking responsibility for your own vibration. This is vibrational stability (or instability) and it happens to everybody. Before we get into how to increase your vibrational stability, I want to make one thing really, really clear and that is: Do not ever beat up on yourself for your lack of stability. Don’t ever judge yourself for it. It doesn’t mean that you’re doing something wrong and it doesn’t mean that you have somehow backslid into a former vibration (which you can’t do by the way). It doesn’t mean that you have backtracked or you’re not making the progress that you thought you were making. In many cases, it’s exactly the opposite. Here’s an analogy to help make my point:
Let’s say that you want to learn how to surf. When you first learn to surf, the instructor will put you on a board whilst you’re still on the beach. The board is lying on the sand and as you start practicing getting up from a lying down position and then standing up on the board, it’s going to take you a few tries to get that. You’re going to be a bit wobbly; maybe you’ll even fall off the board. Although the board is still on the beach, you are going to lose your balance. After a few times on the board and with some practice, maybe a few weeks depending on how challenged you are in the balance department (I’m very challenged in the balanced department), you’ll be able to get up on the board. Every time you go to stand up, you’ll feel more comfortable doing that.
The instructor will then take you into the ocean and they’ll get you to do this on the water. They’re going to up the challenge; they’re going to up the difficultly level. Of course, on the beach you were able to do it, but the first time on the water, in you go! You’re going to fall right off that board. The second time, you’ll probably fall right off again, and the third time (depending on how challenged you are in the balance department), you’re going to get it. So, at some point you are going to be able to get up. The instructor will start you surfing the smaller waves. So you’ll paddle out, catch a few smaller waves and when the bigger waves come to you, for now, you’ll skip them. You’ll try the little smaller waves at first, but you’ll get better and better as time goes on. When you’ve mastered one level of waves, what happens next is, you’re going to get bored unless you level up to the next wave. You’re going to want to go up to a bigger wave. Every time you level up to a bigger wave, you’re probably going to have a few times where you fall off the board. You’re not going to be an expert at it right away. You’re going to be a little bit shaky or a little bit unstable. I hope you are starting to see where this is going…
Every time you level up your vibration, every time you step into a new territory that’s outside of your comfort zone, you’re going to hit a period of vibrational instability. That means that other people are going to seemingly have the power (but not really) to get to you. Stuff is going to bother you a little bit more; you’re not going to be able to hold your Zen as easily. This is just a temporary period you’ll experience every time you level up; so please don’t judge yourself if you hit a period like this. It’s for your own good. It is you stabilizing at this new level so that this level becomes comfortable. When that gets boring, you’ll level up again. It’s human nature; it’s what we do.
So there you are, you’ve caught yourself in a moment of vibrational instability; first of all, once again, don’t judge yourself. Secondly, treat it like any other manifestation, like any other manifestation of resistance, because that’s exactly what it is. You see, your husband cannot cooperate with you if your vibration won’t allow it.
Are you fully aligned with your manifestation?
What is he showing you in that moment? In his moment of uncooperativeness, he’s showing you that you’re not yet fully aligned with your manifestation. You haven’t completely done the work. Perhaps you’re going for a bigger manifestation than you ever have before and now you’ve stepped outside of your comfort zone. Something you were quite comfortable doing before is now a little bit wobbly. Again, that’s ok; it’s for you to figure out why it’s bothering you.
What I’m feeling in your question is that you, or you guys, have become too action oriented. You’re trying to take action when it’s not yet time, and he’s not playing along. Now you’re thinking that you’re not going to make it happen and you’re resenting him for that. What’s gone wrong is that you’re not waiting for the action to be inspired; you’re rushing the process; you’re not fully aligned. All that is, is a lack of trust that what you want is actually going to come. That’s always what it is when you’re trying to make something happen.
The other example I used – when you’ve been in a higher vibration all day and somebody else comes in and harshes your buzz or takes you down a notch, again that is showing you that you’re not yet vibrationally stable. You want to take a look at what it was they said and why it bothered you. Go past the resentment and take a look at what it is you’re actually feeling. In general terms, you’re always going to get that (feel resentful) when you don’t trust that what you want is going to come in. That is what you want to work on because remember, nobody else can manifest in your reality, not in a good or bad way, unless you decide that they can. If you have decided that somebody else’s uncooperativeness or negativity has the ability to mess with your manifestations, well, then they do. But if you haven’t decided that, then they can’t.
This is what I mean when I say, “take your power back”, which means stop giving people the power to manifest in your reality! Take responsibility for your own vibration; take a look at what it is that’s going on with you and how you’re feeling, what’s really bothering you and how you’re not in full integrity or in full belief that you’re going to get everything that you want. It really does not matter what somebody else is doing or not doing in your reality. They don’t have the power to mess with your manifestations, unless you give it to them.
I hope I’ve answered your question to your satisfaction Awesome Charee. If you guys would like to ask your own question, or you’d like to join the conversation, please do so below. I really look forward to hearing from you guys! I do actually read all the comments and try to answer them as often as I can.
Thank you for bringing your light to world and I will see you next time.
Dear LOA: How Do I Explain This Stuff to my Partner?
How to Be Around Other People Without Getting Drained
Hi, this was such a powerful reading, and the timing was perfect!!!! When my husband and I aren’t at our best, he refuses to listen to any manifestation lectures or even do his visualization. He does it because he knows it hurts me and makes me feel that he has the power to prevent things from manifesting. After reading this, I’m taking my power back!
Great video, Melody, thank you for it! You do a great job explaining things…thank you! I look forward to more of your videos.
Blessings and love to you and everyone,
I only just got round to reading your post so my post is a little late. This topic is always a good reminder for everyday LOA manifestation and it has inspired me afresh. You don’t know how comforting it is in life to know that every time a negative emotion comes up, I know how to deal with it: feel it and then reach for a better feeling emotion.
For example, when I started my job a year ago I was so happy and grateful that I had manifested such a great position. I used to cry with happiness when I thought about it. It was everything I thought I wanted.
After a while my boss started to get a bit demanding (well she always was, I just started to notice it) plus a few other issues and I was scared of her so I jumped when she said jump, and bent over backwards to please her. I tried really hard to do the best job I could and worked really long hours, and I still loved it. Now after keeping up my vibration generally, I’m finding that I am annoyed and sometimes angry at how she treats me and the shine has gone off my job. There are a number of things that bother me. Once I would have felt depressed and stuck, now I know that this means I am levelling up. I am expecting more out of life and these things are to show me where my vibration is at (I accepted less than great treatment from people all my life) and that it’s just not good enough anymore.
So now stay positive and happy generally, I visualise a great relationship with my boss and more money and I know if I keep that up, it will come into my reality (once I get the anger out of my system). I know she’ll either start treating me better, there will be changes at work or I will find a new job (or something I haven’t thought of but equally great for me). I’ve been inspired to start looking for another job so let’s see where that goes.
I have another question someone please help me…
How do you let go and find detachment to the specifics of a dream, if you want that dream so so so bad? Like NOTHING else brings me relief (except death). For me, its either fulfilling my dream , or committing suicide. I can’t find anything else that feels a bit ‘better’.
Hope you don’t mind I jump in again. 🙂
You’re making your dream responsible for your happiness. The truth is, nothing on the outside can bring you lasting happiness.
Your true nature is happiness. When you’re truly connected with the true Self, your universal Self, you are perfectly happy, and realize you don’t need anything.
But your ego has clung on to this one desire as the key to happiness. It’s not, though. It can’t be, because happiness comes from the inside out, not from the outside in. Connect with your inherent happiness, and then it can manifest on the outside.
How to realize this? I recommend meditation, especially mindfulness. Also consider the transient nature of all things. However big this dream, even if you achieved it, one day it will be gone. Do you want to pin your happiness on something so transitory?
Jesus pointed to this same truth. He said to seek first for the kingdom, and the rest will be added to you. I take that to mean that if you seek your own true divine nature first, the world will take care of itself. Your desires will be manifested effortlessly.
Thanks Brandon, I always appreciate and enjoying reading your answers 🙂
I just feel like what if theres more to this than just “releasing resistance”? I see so many miserable (or at least people who aren’t happy shiny puppies 24/7) still get what they want, I have been feeling happy most of the time for a while now and still not living my dreams. I know that sounds like I am only getting happy “to get something”, but I assure you even though that is a part of it, another big part of it is I was/am truly feeling happy because I feel happy, and still nothing shows up. Even if I am “only” getting happy to “get somewhere”, that is still “happier” than what most people around me feels, how come they still have good things show up and not me?
So this got me to think about other factors that could have an influence in our realities, it can’t be ALL just down to our vibration. I feel like my vibration is good, I am happy most of the time, I feel all my feelings (the negative ones too), release them, etc…and yet still not living my dreams.
I understand your concern.
NO one is really happy 24×7, or at least not very many. This doesn’t require perfect happiness before things will start happening.
And, it’s hard to know what someone is really feeling within themselves. You can guess based on their outward attitudes and behaviors, but you can never really know for sure.
My experience has been that reality always matches my vibration. I’ve made an intention before that I had very little resistance for, and seen it manifest within days.
To me, it sounds like you are trying too hard, even though you say above you are not. It can be very subtle, and we don’t always know we are doing it, unless we really pay attention to our thoughts and emotions.
Could you be okay with this desire never happening? See what thoughts and emotions that brings up to the surface.
My guess is that your resistance is very subtle. But, even this experience of things not happening, is bringing resistance up to the surface for you to release.
Can someone please answer this for me? What is the difference between conscious creation and divine timing/destiny? Are we really responsible for EVERYthinG in our reality, including timing?
I wonder about this too, sapphire. I feel overwhelmed by it all, far too often.
My opinion: Well it’s sort of complicated.
First, I don’t think there is destiny, as such. Except for one thing: your destiny is to become free of the belief that you’re a separate person. But when and how that happens is not destined. It’s really all up to you and how you use the pointers that the Universe sends you.
But as far as actual events in life, I see the river of life, if you will, as dynamically responding to your moment-by-moment desires. It will always turn out for the best, when you just let go and let life take you where it will.
Lately I’ve been playing with periods of time where I don’t even intend. And you know what? Everything turns out fine. Better than fine, actually. Because the Universe already knows me. It knows what is the best for me.
Of course, I will also intend, and that’s okay, too. But you don’t have to have it all figured out. The Universe will direct you to the experiences that give you the most joy in life, if indeed you are open to joy. If not, it’ll give you the best it can.
I believe that the Universe is inherently friendly. Even negative experiences are just the Universe trying to point out where we hold resistance, so we can come that much closer to freedom, and be that much more open to joy.
Thanks Brandon, but what if say example, you had a pre-birth intention/soul contract to meet your soul mate at age 25? If you change your vibration and desires to “you know what, I actually wanna get married right after I graduate college”, would you meet him earlier then? But you can’t create in another’s reality?
Yeah, I definitely think it could change. Our pre-birth intentions aren’t super-specific. We might have a contract to meet someone specific, and have a good idea of when and how that’ll happen, but it could change.
I met my current wife under pretty odd circumstances. I know we were meant to meet each other. Could the circumstances have changed? Probably. Nothing’s set in stone.
I’ve got a problem unrelated to this.
Whenever I let go of a particular fear, I get hit very hard by the thing I fear. It’s supposed to work the other way.
eg. (not real). I fear getting bitten by dogs. I decide to go for a walk and throw caution to the wind and really relax my body and mind about dogs. This is always the day a dog attacks. Always. No wonder I stay tense.
I’d ask yourself whether you’re really letting go, or just pretending to let go?
What I mean, when you “throw caution to the wind” and go for a walk anyway, in your example, ar you actually letting go of the fear, or just repressing it long enough to go through the action you fear? Are you constantly trying to convince yourself that your fear isn’t realistic, but yet still holding it in the back of your mind?
I find that’s what a lot of people do when they think they’re letting go. I’d make sure the fear is actually at a much lower level before I took the action.
I know for sure that I could manifest everything I want literally, but because I am stuck in marriage, and i guess I will stuck in there for at least 10 years, I refuse to manifest any good staff for myself, because first of all my manifestations does not much with my husband`s and second of all he would not like if I would manifest for example a Ferrari or anything else really, really good. Especially if he would like to have something similar. So I decided, I will do what I have to do to be a good wife and mother for my children and as soon my children will grow up enough i will leave with happiness in my heart. Even now I writing this I see myself leaving my husband and starting my life, my own life at age 54 and most important i see myself happy. So basically speaking I will be free to manifest whatever I want and not feeling guilty for having what I want and what I need and most important not having to explain why do I want and why do I need…. Big hugs to everyone! Chin up! Life is great!
Thank you Melody, oh wise one!!
You bless us in so many ways.
Nice post, will try to implement everything mentioned above.
Nice article. I want to ask you though something. About 8 months, I meditate, do manifestations, exercise in law of attraction about a specific man that I want in my life. He appears, he disappears. If I won’t contact him, silence. If I contact him, SO WARM. There are many times that I loose my hope. and I think my reaction, it is normal. What can I do? Are there some words,to raise my vibration when I feel that I’m loosing my hope and feel so desperate and in panic? I really want him to show me his feelings and not only me keep the affection between us. We’re mature, not teenagers to act like that… If you can help me, I would really appreciate. Thank you.
Melody, what do you do when putting yourself out there makes you sick (literally)? I record myself singing and upload my songs online, but I can never keep them up for more than a few days. I HATE hearing myself sing. I have vomitted listening to myself. I’ve been training hard and have spend plenty of time practicing and studying, but there are still too many problems with my voice. I want to scream and kill myself when I hear my voice. But I really want to share my songs. I can’t even afford voice teacher or classes at the moment and have been working on my own, very hard. And frankly, I really do not want to go back to any more voice teachers right now. I should probably stop singing, because it’s a torture for me to share…but I still can’t get past the desire.
You say in your post that you must put yourself out there if you want to be an artist or do anything creative. But what about when it makes you sick? What do you do about that? I can’t keep pushing myself like this anymore.
When I read your post, I felt your pain and I wanted to hug you and tell you how amazing you are. I used to be a dancer and I talked myself into quitting. I didn’t honor myself or the gift I was given. I chose to live without my passion. I chose to ignore my love because the pain was too great. I ignored the pain I felt when I watched other dancers living their dreams. Please, do not give up your love! You were given this gift do not ever refuse it. I overcame my fear. I figured out I was a scared little girl that had many negative things happen in my life. I started a relationship with that child and took her hand slowly. I hugged her and gave her the love she never had. She is still hiding from the world but she is also shining and happy. I am taking it one day at a time. My goal is to heal her and make sure she knows how amazing, beautiful, unique, gifted, and loved she is.
I pray one day you realize how amazing, beautiful, unique, gifted, and loved you are.
Your post was so nice to read…I could relate to so much of what you wrote. Thanks for sharing.
Wow. I really needed to hear this one today. I am on the flip side, though. I keep feeling like I am the one holding him back. But if he can’t manifest in my vibration, and I can’t manifest in his, that means that I am not “behind” him in the vibrational game. What a relief! Thank you.
Good to see your back. I see where someone can mess with your vibs…
and put you in a black hole where you simply don`t know who you are or
where you are any more.
Important thing like you say is they do not have the power to take over
Thank you Melody for all the work you do. You’ve changed my life forever and I continue to learn and grow!
Thank you so much for this! I have been “slipping” so to speak and going back and forth between happy and shiny and not so happy and shiny. I do feel like I’ve done another recent leveling up. I don’t know how I know that. I can just feel it. 🙂
But I was wondering – If I’m leveling up, why do I feel so pissy and annoyed with everything all of a sudden. This post explains a lot.
I’ll get out of freak out mode and back into relaxin’ and ridin’ the wave mode again. 🙂
On the topic for others, how can I manifest a partner? Someone I really love who really loves me. I create how he is in my day dreams and feel very loved, loving, warm, happy and cozy when I think of us being together. I focus these visions a lot and love when the day dreams create themselves (us doing different things together, how lovingly he treats me and how I treat him, little details about him, our life later on, etc). Still, he hasn’t manifested physically in my reality. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. It’s been a few years that I’ve been really focusing on this desire, and its intensity keeps growing. According to what I’ve read, he should be here by now. That he isn’t means I’m doing something to block my desire from manifesting.
Are desires always supposed to manifest quickly? I don’t know what I’m doing to block this manifestation. Is there such thing as divine timing, and the situation where maybe I’m not doing anything wrong, but it simply isn’t time for us to meet yet?
I can’t wait to hear from you!
When you think of this desire, is it 100% positive? I’m guessing perhaps there is a bit of resistance in the background you’re just not taking a look at.
Once there’s no resistance, the manifestation comes very quickly. But, because of people’s focus on positive thinking, it can be hard to root out that resistance.
Though, there is resistance that you’re not seeing. There’s resistance arising when you ask, “Why hasn’t it happened yet?” What does that resistance feel like to you? Could you let it go? Could you let go of all attempts to figure it out or make it happen by your own power?
The Universe is ingenious when figuring out ways of showing us resistance. 🙂
I’m worried that I’ll never clear enough resistance to allow this to happen. I’m afraid I’ll have to kill myself in order to ever get my dream love.
I’m not attractive enough for the kind of guy I want. No, it’s not about styling or things I can easily fix, it’s about bone structure. No one who I have been interested in has ever been interested in me for anything other than sex. So I used to sleep with guys just to get a little bit of what I want.
I also fear that the kind of person I’m looking for doesn’t even exist, or only lucky people find someone like that.
I also really don’t see anyway I could meet him where I am now. It feels like a pipe dream, because I can’t see at all how our meeting would happen in my daily life.
Bingo, there are your limiting beliefs. Great job!
Now, realize that these are just beliefs. The world causes you to think these are facts, but they are just mental constructs.
So here are the beliefs I see:
I am not attractive enough
I am stuck the way I am
No one is interested in me for anything besides sex
The person I would want doesn’t exist
I can’t meet anyone in this location
You may have more, but that gives you something to work on.
There are lots of methods of releasing limiting beliefs. Even just facing them, giving them radical acceptance, and realizing that they are just mental constructs, can really help. If that proves too difficult, EFT is also a great technique. 🙂
First, thanks for your replies. I have tried EFT but didn’t get anywhere with it. I have been facing them, but they are true. They can be proven by science (my flaws in attractiveness, for example.) I don’t know what to try now to clear them. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully get rid of them. This is what I’m afraid of, because then I won’t get what I want.
True or not, though I don’t hold anything as absolutely true… you still have the choice to resist these things or not. If you resist them, they will be held in existence. That common saying, whatever you resist, persists.
That’s why I recommend acceptance, to fully accept who you are in this moment, before you can move on to changing anything.
So I just accept myself as less attractive, unable to receive anything except sex, and the other limiting beliefs I mentioned? I can’t even stand to sit with those thoughts very long. Do I just keep thinking them, consciously, over and over? How do I accept them?
Sorry, missed your comment.
You don’t need to think them over and over. The goal is to remove the emotional pain from the thoughts. So when you think about your goal, let those limiting beliefs arise, and allow yourself to sit with that energy. It will flow out of its own accord. The only reason it’s stayed this long is because you’ve repressed it, because it’s too painful as you said.
So let them come up. Emotions are like little children needing to be heard. They will pester you until you turn your attention to them. Once you do, they’ll vent, and then they’ll be satisfied and go away.
I hope this helps. Inner work can be difficult, but it is so important.
So it would be ok to let myself sit with feeling anxious, depressed, overwhelmed and all of the other intense emotions I feel? What if it takes a long time (days, weeks) to pass through them? I am afraid that if I indulge these feelings, I will end up staying stuck in them. It’s happened before, and I fear it will happen again. I’m afraid I won’t get through the day and do the things I need to do.
Lately I’ve been feeling the need to retreat from others. I feel so much judgment from other people and like I can’t be myself around them. I feel safer alone but obviously have to expose myself to people to move ahead in my life.
It seems like so much has been coming up for me recently. A lot of emotional distress and pain…it can feel really overwhelming.
Honestly, when you fully allow the feelings, it shouldn’t take days, let alone weeks.
When I say to welcome them, I don’t mean to wallow in them. You want to notice them, from a detached sort of standpoint. Like, allow them, without getting lost in them.
I used the example earlier of a child venting to you. You’re not necessarily going to get sucked into their drama. You’re just going to listen, and allow them to say their piece.
Let your feelings be what they are. Neither get lost in them, nor push them away.
Does that make sense? I know it’s a bit subtle.
And no, you won’t get stuck in them. Emotions are simply energy that wants to flow. Let it flow, and it’ll leave pretty quickly. Just notice the sensations associated with these feelings, and let them do their thing.
Hello Melody and anonymous
Anonymous, I believe you’ve created too much “further away from what I don’t want” energy surrounding your looks and how you view men (as interested only in sex from you). Because of this, you need to back right away from this subject. Forcing it to happen will repel it even more.
You’re focusing on how you don’t have what you want yet and it’s creating more of the same. We all do this to different degrees because we want it so badly. It’s lonely without him, I know!
So how do you fix it, find ways of giving yourself what you could get from a male companion;
Affection – snuggle with your parent, friend, sibling or your child
Sex – get yourself a silicon product from an adult shop. Watch porn
To feel special – get involved with animals especially dogs
If your language of love is words/intelligence – engage online with others who will respond in kind (Quora)
You will be surprised when you don’t need it, you’ll get it. It’s the paradox of the Field! Just pretend that you’re OK even if you have to do the above for the rest of your life. You wont have to though as The Field has no choice but to give you what you want. You see we direct The Field with our thoughts… we are it’s master!
Just allow whatever is happening right now to happen. Keep saying it is what it is. Take one day at a time and don’t think about where you’ll be in a weeks, months or years.
My female friends (who know they are the complete package and are worthy, expectant etc) find creating huge sums of money out of thin air easier than relationships so I wonder is creating relationships using LOA different from creating material possessions using LOA?
I felt like that for years. I kept going out with losers. I started looking at other people in healthy relationships and wondered what was wrong with me. I never thought there were any good men out there and if there was they would not love someone like me ( bipolar). Then something changed in me. I was tired of thinking like that. I started thinking, there is nothing wrong with me. I am me and that’s that. I started myself no matter who I was with. I fell in love with myself and started thinking, ” someone would be damn lucky to be with me”. I started making the decisions who I would spend time with. I didn’t need their love and acceptance anymore! I wrote a list and decided I would not go out with anyone unless they possessed those attributes. I stopped going out with users, losers, and people I that did not respect me. Once, I wrote that list, I wouldn’t take anything less. I stared to realize I needed to be the best version of myself. I wanted someone that felt the same. I started to believe relationships are the icing on the cake not the cake.
That is when I found my soul mate. I met him when I wasn’t even looking. I took it slow and trusted that if he was the right one it would happen. He loved my craziness and loved me when I was depressed. We have been married for 26 years now and are celebrating our 27th this weekend. I’m not perfect, he’s not perfect. He is perfect for me and I am perfect for him, warts and all.
Your feelings are never bad or wrong. Your feelings will change when your ready. Its your journey, your life.
I believe one day a light bulb will go off and you think,” It will happen when you are both ready to meet”.
Thanks for sharing your story Laura, it’s really comforting to read. I just hope the lightbulb goes off for me sooner than later. I’m not sure how to be the best version of myself. I’m pursuing my dreams in the ways I can now, but I’m unsure if that’s enough.
Really it is good to know that you found someone who lives and accepts you for you.
Something that might help: Melody talks often about the vibrational ladder, and how you can move to a *slightly* better thought about your problem, and from there a slightly better one, until eventually you’re able to shift a really entrenched limiting belief. One example she’s given is of someone stuck in a belief that they can’t get a job in the current economy, and that it might be possible for them to think, “Well, *some* people are managing to get jobs, so a solution exists,” and to work your way up from there.
To that end, I wanted to offer the example of someone I encountered in college. She was a receptionist of some sort, and… well, I hate to be uncharitable, but by conventional standards, she was spectacularly ugly. She looked like a troll who should have been sitting under a bridge somewhere. She was a large person generally, along with being somewhat overweight, but her head and features were so huge and distorted that you had to assume something went genetically wrong somewhere to produce that. She also naturally looked like she was frowning all the time. And yet…when she spoke, her voice was light and sweet, and her smile was kindly, and she was clearly one of the gentlest, most helpful people in the office. There was also a picture of her sitting with a little girl on her lap, both of them with radiant smiles, and I’m pretty sure the frame indicated it was her granddaughter. So if someone like that could be married, then there’s proof for you that it doesn’t matter what “science says” about the “objective” beauty of your features – the true beauty of this woman’s soul shone through in everything she did, and somebody noticed, just as I did even in my brief encounter with her. I think her husband was a lucky man.
Hey Journeywoman, Thank you for sharing that story. About the vibrational ladder, I’ve spent time working my way up as described in Melody’s work. I kept getting frustrated though and found I felt better if I went and did other things that make me happy. So I’m not sure if I’m holding myself back by not directly shifting the issue. It is true though that others have found partners they love, so there is some hope.
I have a pretty big fear of being the less attractive one in the relationship, and the type of guy I want would be too attractive for me. But I don’t want to settle either.
I don’t understand where I’m messing up, because I’ve been visualising this for so f****** long, seeing him like or at least be interested in me the way I am now. Working on my own self image and worthiness issues, doing what Melody wrote in her post “Are You Good Enough For The Lover You Want?” But I’m still not manifesting anyone or anything to let me know I’m lining up. I’m really frustrated with all of this LOA stuff. If I never get what I want, what’s the point of living? What’s the point of settling??
The difference is that you are holding on to beliefs that are blocking this manifestation. NO you don’t have to clear everything, but you do have to leave enough of an opening for the Universe to start bringing you glimpses of what you want.
How much do I have to clear to see glimpses of what I want? What do the glimpses look like? What evidence will show up if I’m lining up? Maybe I have been getting glimpses, but I don’t realize them. Within the past month, several people I’m close to have brought up the topic of relationships with me, asked if I want children, etc. I showed them some photos of someone I find very attractive. They all thought he was very good looking too. Actually me finding out about him (he’s kind of famous, but I didn’t know what he looked like until a year ago) was a big deal for me. He is my physical ideal, I would so love to be with someone like him. Just knowing he and people like him exist gave me some relief.
A friend of mine has a very attractive husband, and he is very kind, loving, and not at all stuck up and thinking he’s the best thing in the world. He also gave me some hope.
It’s really subjective. I can’t tell you exactly how much you must clear. But it sounds to me like you are seeing glimpses of your reality.
You just have to allow these glimpses to be more real than the beliefs you think are fact. It is these beliefs that are holding you in place.
I will say attractiveness is a subjective quality. We have a standard of attractiveness in society today, but it is far different than it was say a hundred years ago, or even today in other cultures. If you showed the same picture to 100 people, I guarantee at least 1 would say that the person depicted was attractive, no matter how little they adhered to that common societal norm.
So to say its a fact is just not true.
I just hope that this does not take so many more years…I feel like I’ve been desiring forever, but let down because nothing solid has happened. Is it normal for big desires to take a long time? I know we can manifest very quickly, but let’s be honest, for many of us it takes years to get what we want.
I wouldn’t say it needs to take years. Only if you’re really not letting go. That is your choice.
When I have little to no resistance on something, it takes a few days at most to manifest. The more resistance, the more time it takes. But if you were to absolutely let go and allow, I think it would be very fast. 🙂
I don’t really know how to let go and allow anymore. That’s what I thought I’ve been doing for a long time now, but obviously nothing has happened. Do you have any tips?
You have to find a way of this current situation being okay as it is right now. Only when you completely make peace with what is, can the situation actually change.
There are lots of methods for releasing resistance. I have developed one I call radical acceptance. I also recommend The Sedona Method®, EFT (tapping), or The Work of Byron Katie. These are all great techniques.
I also use NLP to help with releasing resistance. That does it pretty directly. 🙂
The synchronicity of this arriving in my inbox today is phenomenal! I am working on an out of my comfort zone rather big manifestation, and someone showed up in my reality today that showed me my resistance. Your reminder today enabled me to recognise this immediately, and therefore keep up my high vibe and notice the synchronicities flowing. Wow!!! This post is one to keep close to your heart’s guys, as a constant reminder……… Melody, you really are just the best!
Loving the call archive link Melody!!!! Also can you cover in more depth in a future post about other people’s power to manifest in our reality and how to take back our power from them? I don’t feel like I quite got that yet. xxx
The way you understand things and way you explain them is commendable.
Melody! Didn’t you write in a previous post that you realized your lack of balance was a made up belief that wasn’t true? I know it’s a humorous blog, but still!
ahhh, this makes SO much sense! And the power that nobody can keep or take anything from me is insanely liberating.
I’ve gotten so much use out of your idea that other people are just a mirror. Like really. Not that I can always (or even generally) act on it yet, but remembering – oh wait, this thing that I find annoying is mirroring back to me what I’m vibrating! So helpful.
Just today I was spending time with someone I don’t really like. The reason I don’t really like them is that I perceive them to be really negative, gossipy, just… I don’t know. Then after I was annoyed about it for awhile, I was able to think about how rare it is for me to encounter that type of thing (I guess a major benefit of the hermit lifestyle?!? hahaha!) and also to remember, you know, if I’m intersecting with this person while she’s in this mood, it’s because that stuff is still a player in my vibration to some extent. Now I think the trick for me is to not get caught up in it but to stay Zen, nonreactive, and realize that it’s vibrational residue, old stuff.
I hope I’m getting more stable in my vibration. It’s a little hard to see when your progress is so incremental!
Hi Melody. I have an unrelated question. Ever since before my 12th birthday I’ve had this thing where I’d make a promise to myself to never do anything immoral again in my life. And I’ve broken the promise every freaking time. The other day I turned 18, a legal adult, and was really happy because, like every other time, I thought this would be different. But within a day I lost my temper and lashed out at my family. Last night I was crying because I feel condemned. I feel like 18 was a fresh start, and I ruined it. I’ve felt this way, this happy resolve to be perfectly moral, followed by the depression when I fail, on every birthday, Sunday for awhile, first of month, new years day, etc. I know these days are arbitrary and that I shouldn’t beat up on myself, that the universe doesn’t judge, so why do I feel so unclean after this happens, like I’m tainted and can’t get another fresh start for a long time?
I’m not Melody, but wanted to comment on your question here.
What is “moral” or “immoral”? These categorizations are only judgments of our mind. The Universe knows nothing about them.
Is losing your temper somehow sinful? What if it is okay as it is? And what if nothing at all was wrong with it?
The more you judge yourself, the more you will disappoint yourself. There is never anything wrong.
But instead if you totally accept yourself, life will flow much more smoothly.
Recognize these ideas of “fresh starts” as just stories in the mind. Every moment is a fresh start.
Hi, Brandon. Thanks for answering me. That’s so powerful, “Every moment is a fresh start!” I’m seeing a therapist tomorrow who doesn’t believe in LOA; I can’t afford LOA coaching and he’s family so it’s free. Even though he doesn’t believe I think he can still help because I’m going through a lot of things. Thanks for responding.
I’m so glad you’re getting the help you need.
On your own time, there are lots of ways of releasing negative emotions and limiting beliefs. My favorite is what I call radical acceptance, which I’ve discussed in the link below. There’s also EFT, which works very well in my experience.
Amy, i feel for you. Melody wrote a book you need to read. There is a part in there that discusses our emotions. Our emotions, rather they are our raging anger or minor irritation, are not “bad” or “immoral”; they are there to show us how we feel. What do you feel angry at? As long as you keep tamping it down, it will keep coming back and it will get bigger and bigger. There is a great exercise she recommends you should try, called “letter to the universe”. Try searching for it in her blog; I do believe she has written of it before. Basically what this letter is, is a way to give you a manner of releasing all this anger that you are experiencing in a way that you will feel is safe. She goes into great detail how to do it in her book. I truly belive this will give you some of the relief you seek.
just a quick remark regarding your borken promisis and the LOA.
“never to do something again” does not work with the LOA. Because that puts focus on what you do not want. And thus attracts more of the same. Instead of promising yourself not to be immoral again. Just decide to be and act moral (whatever moral means to you).
I can assure you that every time I told myself “I’ll never do that again”, I always ended up doing exactly the same again. It took me many years to learn. So don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re still very young and seem already to be aware of many things.
Good for you to get help.
Wish you the best !
Amy, the whole problem is that you don’t feel like you are enough. Not smart enough, rich enough, pretty enough, talented enough, etc., or in your case, not perfect enough. You have tied your self-worth into how well you “behave”. You have a misguided notion that if you are not “perfect”, then you are worthless. Everyone gets angry. It is an emotion we experience when when we feel slighted, treated unfairly, taken advantage of, belittled, etc. It is a normal emotion. When you get angry, try to stop for a minute and figure out why you are so angry before you lash out. When you find the root of the issue, you can deal with it instead of letting the emotion take over and take away your rational thought. Check out this video by Marisa Peer for more information on not being enough. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lw3NyUMLh7Y Being perfect is not the answer. Being enough is.
Yes! Yes! yes!
Thank you Melody!
Very glad you’re back! Nice to see another blog post. 🙂
I like your idea of vibrational stability. It can be hard sometimes to keep our vibration stable when someone else is involved.
But, I think it’s a great opportunity to release resistance, as you suggested. It shows us where we’re still holding on or looking at what we don’t want. So really it’s a great chance to dig up more resistance. 🙂
In regards to someone being in a lower vibration, that’s definitely a hard one. I’m very empathic, so I get very sensitive to other people’s energy. It’s taken time for me to work on keeping my own energy stable and not be so affected.
Great post and I think something that will be super-helpful for people. We are so accustomed to holding things outside of us responsible for how we feel and that is particularly true for other people. It is really easy to say our feelings are because of someone else and our mind makes a very good argument for why this is so. But like you said, it is just triggering something within us and showing us the pieces of ourselves that are not quite there yet. I think holding others responsible for how we feel is something we all fall prey to at least sometimes but as it starts to sink in more and more that we must take responsibility for our own energy we catch ourselves more quickly and rather than just fall into blame we are more likely to go within and see what’s going on with us.