By popular demand (I received quite a few emails about this), today we’re going to go BIG. Really BIG. One of the biggest issues facing us today – misogyny. A concept that is as hard to tackle as it is to spell. And yet, I believe I managed (spell check says I did ok). This isn’t a happy shiny video, but it’s an important one. And I bring you to a good feeling place in the end.

So, if you’re ready to reach for some clarity on a big issue, and are potentially willing to face some limiting beliefs, then by all means, dig in and watch today’s video.

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  • <3 this video. With the news making me feel like America is going the way of the Handmaid's Tale, this video is super empowering! Thanks! I've been loving your 30 day video challenge. It's given me so much to think about and so much to work on within myself

  • Hey Melody,

    Powerlessness is such a huge issue I continually face. I’m better with it, but it still crops up on a regular basis. And it’s not just with men of course but in many areas. And your video today made me think that if this powerlessness wasn’t so ingrained in so many people, the issue of abortion would not even be an issue.
    Getting pregnant when unable to support a child, or not having a significant other to help, or getting pregnant from being raped, or just getting pregnant when you don’t want a child…all of this would not happen if this wide spread issue of powerlessness was not present.
    And it applies to so many other areas too. I always feel if I could just feel like I am worthy, that I am enough within myself, just as I am, without anything, anyone, or any situation to make me feel that way, everything would work wonderfully. Sure there would be challenges, but they wouldn’t be a struggle or a problem that I must deal with. They would just be challenges that engage and excite me and make me think.
    To me, misogyny is just the struggle with self worth, with being happy with yourself, without outside factors to validate you. And yet, why is it so easy to understand, yet so difficult to step into? Why do we all struggle with it so much?
    I have a very hard time digesting this fact quite often. With all my knowing and understanding, how is it there is still a struggle? How is it knowing that true happiness comes from inside yourself, from loving yourself, so many of us can’t find that happiness? It’s fascinating and frustrating! And misogyny is just one reflection of that struggle.

  • You hit the subject with just the right tact to help open others’ awareness – well done Melody! This balancing is a definite game-changer ???? – thank you for highlighting such an important topic.

  • I love these big topic issues, because you make so much sense, and it verbalizes what I’ve always felt but didn’t know how to say. A few realizations I had through this video:

    1. This totally applies to your TedTalk, and I didn’t realize how much that pendulum reference is relevant to this issue.

    2. This realization of powerless totally applies to other big issues I’ve noticed in my reality, which is racism and homophobia. I’ve seen that sense of powerless on both sides of these issues, but didn’t what it was or why. I’ve only experienced these in subtle ways, and have always received way more support than oppression, but it’s a big topic that is in effect globally, especially homophobia.

    As usual, thank you so much for this video.

  • This was my favorite video of your series so far! I absolutely loved this message!
    I swung from doormat to rage,warrior back in my mid to late 20’s. I spent my childhood, teens and early 20’s as a doormat and couldn’t take it anymore. I have just sort of stagnated in warrior mode since then.
    I have an issue with seeing men as inferior. You know the sitcoms with the goofy husband who is always doing something dumb and the wife ends up having to fix his mess? Yeah, that’s where I’m at and am trying to change the way I think….because it certainly hasn’t done me any favors in the dating world.
    I tend to see the more powerless side of these men who enact these laws to oppress women. I feel sorry for them because I know their actions are coming from a place of fear. They feel we are more powerful, so they HAVE to suppress us. I mean, our bodies are a freakin’ portal between the physical and non-physical, how could you NOT be intimidated by that??? We’re effin’ AMAZING!!!!!
    Even though it makes me feel a bit more powerful to think this way, I’ve known for a while that this still isn’t the best way to think, nor is it how I want to continue with my life.
    More powerful, respectable men are trickling into my reality and I have my own personal “symbol” who I focus on quite a bit (a celebrity who represents everything a man should be in my own opinion), so that is helping.
    So anyway, I’ve rambled enough. Thank you so much for this video Melody. It gives me much to think about. 🙂

  • Awesome Melody. I love how, from the title of the video, to an outsider the content would seem like it would be a one sided perspective (“leave women alone, men are the worst”), when in actuality you’re presenting a very balanced view—hence the pendulum metaphor.

    That being said, I’m glad you touched upon the nature of the two sides, the women’s and men’s…. and how, although they’re both on the extreme opposites of the spectrum, one extreme tends to manifest in more harmful ways because, generally speaking, the aspects of “masculinity” are more dominance and power based than those of “femininity” in our society. So… thank you for that.

    The self-awareness in you and the commenters here is so refreshing to see. You tackled the issue elegantly.


    On a more personal note, I have been struggling a bit with empowerment lately so this video served as a reminder of my personal responsibility and how, when I feel bad and as if there’s a large cloud looming over me, there I things I have to work through and take responsibility for.

    Weird how mere months ago I would cringe at the thought of ‘responsibility’ and how as I write this, it’s really what has gotten me this far and made my life that much better. The other side, the one where we turn to the external for our happiness always felt so off to me, so heavy. And I think lots of people know that on an intellectual level… I did for a long time. But there’s a huge difference between that and actually aligning with it emotionally. When alignment occurs, there’s no going back (although, admittedly, some days I fear the ‘power’ will slip away and never return. But I have yet to see that happen).

  • Best video, yet, Melody!

    When you said it was going to be “heavy” and said “tomorrow’s video wouldn’t be as “heavy”, I got a little squirmy, as in, “You don’t have to apologize for doing such a fantastic job of unpacking this important issue!” And judging this as heavy didn’t seem necessary to me, nor apologizing for it. It actually made me think….hmmmmm, is she just a little bit unaware of her immense power right now and just how fantastic an example she is setting as an aware, awake, woman, and could it be that she isn’t quite accepting that power or feeling really comfortable in it? I don’t know of course, but just sharing the impact on me.

    Bring it on – more of these “big” issues, please; this was SO helpful!

    • Hey Joan,

      Could very well be, yes. I wasn’t sure what was going to come out when I began the video, to be honest. And this was another one of those that made me a just a little nervous. Which let me know that it was absolutely the right thing to do. 🙂 Every time I level up, I have to learn to own it all over again. Thanks for the validation, my love.

      Huge smooshy hugs,


  • Holy shit Melody! You just opened up a world of shit I didn’t even know was ruling my life. Oh wow! I always felt super happy to be a woman and all that came with it. I didn’t have misogynistic experiences that I could directly pinpoint. This video has helped me to call a spade a spade and identify a theme that’s been holding me back.

    A few weeks ago, I stepped into a seemingly unrelated emotion of disempowerment and found myself taken back by what I heard in my anger release in regards to the treatment of women. I allowed the process to happen, being consciously aware, but also had a moment of, “wow, I’m actually pissed”. I’d connected to emotions and beliefs that I didn’t even know were there.

    I find it so weird, though. In my life, if I would hear of a women’s rights issue, for example, pay- I never felt that it was valid for me. I grew up in a New Thought Christian church with a female pastor who instilled early beliefs in me, so maybe this helped balance the experience, whereas I didn’t have those types of misogynistic experiences. She’d preach the power of our thoughts and Who the real Source of everything we’d ever need was, so only in a misdirection of our power to man from God, could we ever find ourselves in trouble. Maybe that belief helped me to counter some things. However, in the area of relationships, it was everywhere!!!!! I’m finding that I grew up with very independent strong women, but if I ever felt I needed something from a man, the universe lovingly mirrored back an experience of disempowerment in misogynistic ways. Love was like breathing air in my life, so it was a perfect area through which to manifest my power.

    I will say, the day after that anger release, I felt like I was floating on a cloud and it was all clear to me. It was a huge release! Thanks for this video, it’s taken me to an even higher level of awareness showing me ways I’d held myself to a belief that was no longer serving me; one I wasn’t fully aware of when I found myself in relationships with men that seemed to be in a power position. I’m stepping into what it means to be a woman in this time space reality and to BE that power! I wonder where this is heading! 🙂

  • Bravo, Bravo well stated. No one is a victim, all are God. God, Infinite Intelligence, etc., is not a victim. One thing I would like to address is when you speaking about Planned Parenthood. I know it is time out for all us to stop referring to people as “the poor.” If we as a collective consciousness keep seeing that there are “the poor”, then we are what is keeping that illusion in place. If I can say “Gee I would sure like a Snickers bar” and it shows up at my door without me telling anyone, that IS my Wealth. At one point I was getting food stamps years ago, but I saw it as a part of my wealth. I never looked at it in any other way. I bought steak and lobster for me and my family, I didn’t shop “poor.” I saw it a part as my infiniteness. When it was time to move on from that I did by my choice effortlessly and easily. I was awakening all those years ago. it would be great not label people as “the poor” “the sick” etc and speak of “them” as who and what they truly are, Individualized expressions of consciousness. Much love, Carla

  • …so I have not been taking part to conversations as much as I really wanted as I have been feeling quite low . I am not for forcing feeling good at all costs  and I do recognise and listen to anger when it comes up. All these past days and period I have really been trying to relax at the best of my ability, doing some work with Eft and more stuff to feel better because there are many changes I am aiming for and things have been too slow. I know I have got much more to work on and that’s ok . However,  quite frankly I did not expect  certain kind of issues and manifestations would still happen to me , especially when I ask for support and relief in an already difficult moment. I really thought bullying, aggressive men and all that kind of blatant problems were finally out of the way after I had to cope with years of that crap that spoiled my all teens years starting in my own house with my father (plus all the nasty guilt that comes with knowing how much he loves us even if he can not do any better and shows feeling his own way)
    if on one hand this video comes at the perfect time on the other hand I really do not know where to stand , apart from saying I have just lost any faith things will unfold nicely and smoothly for me ..maybe until I get kind of intolerant towards what I do NOT want. All the work I have been doing so far amounts to manifesting, just literarily today,  an argument (and I know we are not done yet) with a nasty , aggressive piece of crap, which is also one of my house mates .. I know I was not keen on him but we never had any problem or issue. I know I am not completely assertive and I surly got stuff to work on.  I am planning to change many things at present. My place is one of those however it was not on top of the list, as other stuff has priority. Plus I never had an argument with anyone in the house so I really did not see any problem coming or as something to sort out with urgency. An argument over the silliest thing ever started off this morning .. making me feel , for a second there (and a number of more seconds later on) again shaky, unsafe and fucking alone. I really did not know he could be THAT shit . He really is SHIT. He did not find me lost for words as I did not back down to him, yet  I must say when things like this happen, especially when I am asking for help instead and I get right at the opposite of what I am asking for , I feel they do not do me any favour. I just loose more and more faith things are going to work for me. I know shifting brings up resistance to be released however I quite baffled I still have to deal with this , in SUCH a big way. More than everything else I am really tired.  I can sit with the feeling and I know it is going to be about powerlessness . As you say I am not going to justify him.. not to mention trying to understand him or envision him with love or in any other way than what I think he is . I think the only value I can find in this all episode is the value of setting strong boundaries.  This stuff feels just random , scary , nerve pinching and really tiring. Getting into any kind of fights is the last thing I wanted to do .. now I just feel I want to be intolerant .  I can not see any magic happen in any other way , the only thing making sense to me right now is not justifying anything I do not like EVER. I know it sounds extreme . I just feel this LOA work will never start really work for me until I really put my foot down first. And I think I failed BIG TIME so far. It is a nasty place to be in.I feel this is the first step I need to take if I ever want to get even remotely close to  really appreciating anyone or being more compassionate , open or less defensive.

    • Hey V,

      I know you said you stood up to him and bravo. But have an anger release anyway. Alone. Go deeper. Let yourself do and say anything you really want to do and say. You may surprise yourself with what really wants to come out. You’re obviously making progress. That’s what brought up this resistance, ugly though it may be. Don’t use anything as an excuse not to get in touch with and express (constructively) the rage. Even if you don’t think it will do any good, or will change anything. Do it anyway. See what happens.

      You can do this, my love. Your comment wouldn’t have lit up for me the way it did, if you couldn’t. I wouldn’t be inspired to answer you, otherwise. You’re doing better than you think. This is just a bit of a shitty part. But you’ve got this. Let your inner warrior roar.

      Sending you huge smooshy hugs,


      • thank you for being there and your support. I really want to pin this down and will not gloss over any of it no more . Big love to you

  • Thank you for broaching this topic, Melody! I have experienced misogynistic attitudes most of my life and can remember fighting against them even as a small child. I am amazed and saddened at how pervasive these attitudes remain. I have no tolerance for being treated as any less of a human being because I don’t have a penis. You are so right when you say that these actions come from a place of insecurity – on both sides. I learned from my mother (who remained in abusive relationships) what kind of girl and woman I would NOT be! My sisters, unfortunately, followed in her footsteps. I have worked very hard to instill in my daughters their full worth and to protect that worth from those who would try to diminish it. I have also worked to instill in my sons that same understanding of a woman’s worth.

    And Z, I agree with you regarding abortion. No one, but no one, has the right to tell me what I can and cannot do with and to my body. I have seen enough neglect and abuse of children that I think abortion is a far kinder act than to subject a child to abuse, neglect, and depravity forced on them through no fault of their own. Women need the resources to empower themselves to make the best decisions for them, not ridiculous and outdated parameters forced upon them by a society hampered by fear and narrow-mindedness.

    Melody, this always triggers something in me – not anger so much any more, just an eternal flame that pushes me to encourage, teach, and empower others. Thank you so much for stepping out to address something that creates blocks for people – blocks that they may not even realize they have!

  • Hi Melody ,

    WOW ! That was really deep , but followed every word .
    I see so many times usually on TV talk , women talking about equal rights etc but they end up putting men right down in the shit which is kind of hypocritical considering that is what they want an end to , its what most of us want an end to . But followed every single word you spoke with complete understanding , and agreement . omg you are so fucking good at this . love it !


  • Dear Melody, this morning I paused your video to go to the kitchen for a coffee and immediately a van drove past my kitchen window with MELODY written on the side. It made me laugh. Looking closer I saw it said MELODY MAISON, which is a furniture shop apparently; I googled it.

    Great video, it makes a lot of sense to me. I just want to mention something I’ve been pondering lately. I did a yougov survey recently and it was asking if it was offensive for men to refer to women as girls or ladies and if it is offensive for women to call men lads or boys. Also the other way around, if women can call other women girls/ladies and if men can call men lads/boys. I didn’t see anything offensive and was surprised that anyone would. It just sounds friendly to me. I’m wondering if I have it all wrong and I should get all prickly and offended if I’m called a girl, but that seems daft. I’m not insecure so why should I get hung up on words that come from a friendly place?
    10 minutes ago an Amazon delivery man said to me, ” Have a nice day young lady!” I thought he was a nice friendly guy.
    Is political correctness getting us a bit screwed up and looking for offense where none is meant? Is this a distraction from real instances of genuine prejudice?
    Just my random thoughts and I’m genuinely interested.

    • Hey Anna,

      Remember, it’s not the words. It’s the energy behind them that you want to look at. There’s also a difference between a friendly chat, and doing this to someone in a professional setting (like a board meeting or the Senate floor), where it’s clearly meant in a different way (not friendly). We feel the need to degrade when we feel threatened. When people are not threatened, the same words hold a different meaning and can actually be full of love and light. Same. Exact. Words.

      So, no, you don’t need to become offended by something that you aren’t offended by, lol. Don’t get hung up on words.

      Smooshy hugs,


      • Thank you for the reply. I can see I was not thinking of the bigger picture there. I was just thinking of my own experience which is a long way from boardrooms or high level politics. I absolutely see what you mean.
        I am getting these synchronicities the last few days when I’m reading your book or your blog or just doing some work on where I am focusing my thoughts. The big Melody on the van passing my window the exact moment I went in the kitchen as well as a lot of 11s and 22s which happens to me at times. It just makes me think the universe is telling me that I’m on the right track.
        Hugs and love. Xxxx

  • This was very inspiring, thank you. I am a guy, but I get triggered when people talk against abortion, especially if it’s the church. I believe we only start living when we are >born<, not before. Why should a woman be forced to endure the pregnancy she doesn't want, give a birth to a baby, and spend her life resenting that baby? I especially dislike when priests or the pope talk about it, meddling where they shouldn't. I feel that Christianity is really overstepping its boundaries, and should be silenced once and for all. I know, this is something for me to work through, but I had to mention it.

  • I love the points you made in here about everyone stepping into their power and meeting in the middle. I can think of quite a few people (and groups) who would benefit from listening to this. If they could get past their own anger enough to listen with an open heart and mind.

  • Mel.

    I just wanted to share something, not exactly about this particular video (since I’m not watching vids most of the time, due to the circumstances), but out of some random happiness and joy.
    I don’t want to bore you with the story of my life, nothing cool, nothing special (well, everything was cool and special as a teaching material). There was always something wrong, always some resistance, always some kind of weight. I’ve been trying to consciously change it for a while now (like – four years?), using many ‘tools’ at my disposal, I’ve met a shaman (or four) that clicked with me and helped me a lot, and we’ve became friends and all…
    And it always stopped somewhere along the way. Something was missing, a piece of critical information, like I’ve forgot to put a ; in a frickin code somewhere.
    And then You came. Like a wrecking ball. Soft, fluffy, shiny wrecking ball.
    Sometime this year (january, february, something like that) Your book was released in poland. I had an urge to buy it the moment I’ve heard of it. Universe sent me on a delegation to germany immediately after so I had a lot of time, and could read it in a car. I was saved.
    I wasn’t, though. The circle came around: my game experience changed for a while, but somewhere in the middle of april I hit a wall. Something was wrong again.
    And that little cheeky bastard, The Universe, did not give up on me.
    Since the middle of april I have so much free time at work, I’ve started reading your blog for like seven hours daily. Can’t really watch vids in the office to not disturb other people. I’ve found it accidentally, looking for something entirely different, and the post I’ve been reading answered my questions at that time. I’ve started to go deeper, jumping ‘chaotically’ from post to post (via links hidden in text, or just ‘next post’), and each and every one answered another question I had at the time. Sometimes, when I feel like I ‘should’, I even read comments. I never read comments.
    With answers came more questions. More peace and quiet. More awareness.
    I started trusting my intuition a lot more. Life started to work my way. My shifts became faster and easier, that last week, to the point I’ve actually got slightly scared (and still wanted more, like a moron I am).
    Today I’ve let this scare go, and I’ve heard a voice. My voice. Saying it’s me. It’s me who can talk to all-being.
    Whoever it is, that all-being lad.
    And he started answering my questions, and asking some, saying he’ll help me until I realize that I also can easily talk to all-being after I melt down that resistance saying I’m not elightened/worthy/old/whatever enough, and it’s… I have no idea. It’s some magical mindfuck. I am so amazed, yet I ain’t, cuz I did know it will happen.
    And the funniest thing… I, the everlasting coward, fearing every single stupid thing (not like girlish-screams-scared, but more like ‘We’re going to Jail’ by Gabriel Iglesias), am not afraid this is some multiple personality disorder kicking in.
    I feel like some wall fell. Actually, I feel like I’ve been holding a wall, afraid it will fall on me, let it fall on me, and it was made of pink sunlight.
    I think I’ve just today became a full fledged, happy, shiny kitten (I’m more like a Cheshire Cat than any puppy. Sorry. World would be boring without a bit of random racial diversity).
    And it’s all due to … myself. With the massive help of ya’ll, puppies.
    You absolutely have idea how thankful I am.

    I’d give you all my hugs, but I know you won’t take them all, so have as many as you want 😀

    • What an awesome comment Raphael!! I just received the Polish copies myself. Weee!

      And I may put “Soft, fluffy, shiny wrecking ball” on my business card. That’s fantastic.

      Huge smooshy hugs,


  • My powerlessness is expressed as anger and trying to control. Hadn’t made that connection, but it is true. And, for me, that anger and defensiveness comes from not having clear boundaries and, even more, not enforcing the boundaries that I do have. That means I can’t trust myself to say no when I don’t want something, or to ask for what I do want when I want it, because I have the conditioning and habit of “pleasing” or “tolerating”.

    That lack of trust (emotional trust) that I do have the right to ask for what I want and say no to what I don’t want, is the cause of the powerlessness and the defensiveness that then says “I can’t trust anyone” because if they want something from me, I don’t know that I can say no. It’s sad to feel this is still in me, but it’s a very good thing to be aware of. And now I have another piece to add to that awareness: anger and trying to control come from that lack of enforcing my boundaries.

    I also loved to know that you had 2 weeks to dive into the anger, and you’re a pro energy shifter. As an energy healer, I sometimes feel I “should” be a lot further ahead than I am in some issues and that they should be shifted instantly. I know better, but it still comes up. So I really appreciated knowing that 2 weeks of daily tuning in and integrating energy is perfectly ok! 🙂

  • Thank you for such a powerful message. More like this please. They are relevant. I keep meeting people who are afraid of what is going on in the world especially the change in the White House. But I believe he is a catalyst for change. Not Armageddon instead evolution. On a personal level. You did trigger an aha moment in me as am trying to let go of my core issue of powerlessness. Thank you for being so honest and sincere.

  • Hey Melody,
    The video from today and yesterday were especially insightful. Today’s video not only made me think more about my own beliefs about being female and the feelings of powerlessness I’ve picked up around it, but also about race. I’m of mixed race, and lately I’ve been having A LOT of deep seated beliefs about how people see me, identity, passing, racism, beauty standards and societal beliefs about the different groups of people. I feel that race and gender are similar, as they affect how we see ourselves and feel how other people see us.

  • There are so many great points in this video that could be applied to anything, really… Thank you for sharing. I wasn’t triggered by this, I was inspired. With time, newfound knowledge and experience, my beliefs about men have shifted and softened to a decent degree… But this video definitely made me notice the fact that I’ve been pushing against the other end of this issue.

    We tend to think the problem is out there… We think the issue really only comes from the other side… We look at these problems at face value and all of that, but, the thing is… These things are the manifestation and the result of our belief in powerlessness. This video really made me realize that. That’s why you said that the solution is to step into our own power, because that’s all it is, that’s where these issues derive from… Not necessarily from men or women or what ever else people tend to blame for this and that issue, but it’s the fact that so many of us haven’t stepped into our own power yet.

    Now I see why it’s possible for the world to change for the better… Typically, when you say that the world is “well on its way”, it’s difficult for me to accept, because I used to think the solution was big and complicated, but in actuality, it’s so simple. We just step into our power… Like you’ve said in the past, that’s not always *easy*, but it is that simple, and the more that people do this, the better things will become, even if that progress doesn’t look super pretty along the way.

    We aren’t helping ourselves or anyone else by staying in one place, pushing against these manifestations, or incessantly staring at what they look like on the outside… But, when we step into our power, we can share what we’ve learned, or others can be inspired to do the same just because they see someone who embodies their own power.

    We’ve been taking issue with the wrong thing, and so many people are realizing that these days. Wow, I thank you for this and everything else you’ve opened my eyes to. Thanks again. 🙂

  • Bravo Melody! What an amazing video. In my opinion, this is the best one in this Video Challenge series so far. Your energy in here is stunning and no, I absolutely didn’t get triggered. At all. You managed to tackle the issue from an empowering point of view, that actually makes some freakin’ sense! This video actually inspired me to step more into my own power, to realize what a glorious creator I am. I’m no fucking victim nor a damsel in distress, I’m a force to be reckoned with! Yay!

    Lady R

  • Wow, Melody. This is the first time I’ve heard this topic addressed in a way that felt completely right to me. I’ve manifested a fair bit of “evidence” of misandry in my past and while I recognize the global, historic inequity faced by women and girls, I have also felt a bit under attack by unfair contemporary depictions of men and masculinity. And I’ve never admitted that before (due to my own limiting beliefs on the subject). Is this a sense of powerlessness made manifest? Yes, I think it is. Such a heavy topic… but I’m feeling a lot lighter right now. I think I can approach it with more compassion and less fear going forward. Thank you, Melody. You are a treasure.

    • Hey David,

      You’re so very welcome! And thanks for joining the conversation. I so love that I have so many amazing, gorgeous, shiny men in my audience.

      As women are starting to come out of the doormat state, they face (and manifest) their fear of being overpowered. They have to get in touch with their own inner rage warrior, so that they can eventually balance out.
      As men come out of their defensive state, they have to face (and manifest) their fear of being overpowered. That’s when they meet the rage warrior women and get squashed. That’s when they face misandry. On the other side of all of that is the balance.

      Isn’t it interesting that even though we deal with it differently, our fear is the same? And what if we all just realized that… 🙂


      Smooshy hugs!


  • I think this is your best video ever! Hearing a person who knows how to shift energy talk about clearing something for themselves is really clarifying for me. Can I ask: while you were having the anger, how did you (if you did) keep yourself in that anger just with yourself, rather than giving in to the urge to try to get other people to listen to you and agree with you or argue to you? Not that I have that, of course. :p

    I used to have many misogyny triggers (I am a woman) and I think I’ve released a lot of it. I still see things like male politicians being opposed to Planned Parenthood and get huffy about it. It rarely comes further into my personal experience. But I had some realizations a while ago that have helped me to release a bit of my cultural awareness of this stuff. One was realizing that if I want my own freedom, I have to allow other people freedom, even if I don’t like or understand what they choose to do with it. I don’t know if the following will make sense to anyone or just trigger them wildly, but here goes: I realized, hey, you know, women who live in very conservative regions are not hapless bystanders: they have the vote and they choose to elect politicians who oppose things like Planned Parenthood. They could choose something else, and they don’t. And presumably if it gets so bad that they personally really feel like they don’t want to take it anymore, they will rise up and vote them out. Until then, is it really my business? I get quite a bit of relief out of this, but I think that even a few years ago I would have felt outraged by this and felt that it was immoral to abandon women, so I dunno if it will help others!

    • Hey Cordy,

      I’ve had a lot of practice at this, so I don’t really battle the urge to go fight everyone in my anger, lol. I withdraw a bit. I don’t have conversations about the topic that has triggered me because if I do, I will start just raging. Now, that can be fun if the person I’m raging to can totally handle it. But I’ve found it’s not really productive. Because as soon as I let off some steam, I kind of realize that I’ve been ranting and dominating the conversation (and it’s not like I’m really resolving anything in that moment) and I stop. Alone, I’m much more likely to keep going until I’ve ranted it out. So, that’s what I do. I avoid speaking with others about the topic, but I don’t avoid the topic when I’m alone. And I make sure to spend plenty of time alone, so I can face the topic.

      Hope that helps!

      Huge hugs


      • Aha! Do you literally talk out loud? Or write it out? I feel like I’m missing a thing that will help me get the topic OUT of myself where I’m shoving it down, without trying to get other people to go along with me. (Which I don’t want to do anymore.)

        • I do whatever works. It’s not always the same thing. Here are a few techniques I use:
          – Pretend that they’re there and talk out loud to them
          – See them in my mind and talk to them there (helpful when I’m on a plane or something).
          – By talk, I don’t just always mean talk. Sometimes, I mean “beat the shit out of”
          – I journal it out.
          – I just sit and feel it and notice what happens in my body. I allow it to do what it’s gonna do
          – I do that, but in nature
          – I ask someone to hold the energy for me (who is capable of doing this for me) and I talk it out. That’s often the most helpful, in terms of getting to clarity. If someone just hold the energy (stays unaffected by what I’m saying, just listens, no judging, and no needing to help me), I can usually talk my way to clarity in 5-10 minutes. Sometimes it takes longer, if it’s a big issue.

          Hope that helps!

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