I’ve talked a lot about anger. It’s one of the most misunderstood emotions we have, but also the most healing. I spend a lot of time coaching people into having constructive anger releases, so they can purge anger from their system. And a lot of that time, I have to give people permission to get ugly, violent, torturous, even. But… there’s one aspect I haven’t really covered. What if you’re willing to have an anger release. You know you have unexpressed anger – it gets triggered at inopportune moments. But then, when you’re home and able to take care of it, it just won’t flow. What then? Well, the answer may surprise you.
Watch today’s video to get the solution to your anger woes.
Wow, thanks so much, Melody!! Yes, I have indeed come a long way and made it to the other side!! 🙂 <3 Isn't that incredible? It's all because one day Dr Google helped me find the best medicine- Melody. Thank you for the tip about my boss, I will try something else and see what helps me hit 10!! <3 <3 🙂
Hi gorgeous Melody, I’m much better at getting in touch with my anger now after all the work I did with you. And, wow those anger releases were SO much FUN. I know I was dying from inside and feeling like crap but working with you made my anger release feel like I was fighting dragons, monsters and trolls, like I was a warrior princess slaying each and every one of those MOFOs. For so many days, after a particularly big anger release, I was even living in a forest (inside my head) with monkeys, flamingos, and a big elephant(who was mad). Any time someone messed with me, the elephant would take me up with her trunk and I’d sit on her back and instruct her to stamp every single person bothering me. I was also a tiger inside my head. It felt SO great to be a tiger. As a tiger was so strong and powerful and with my long claws, I scratched people’s faces, bit off their cheeks and eventually their heads. My recent anger releases include going to the restroom and flushing my boss’s head down over and over again. Watching her head swirl around with my pee is quite a sight. When I head back to my cube, I feel nothing but peace, comfort and if I’m not feeling peace and love, I’m emotionally detached (but cognitively and mindfully aware of what I’m doing.) I’ve been doing this for so many weeks now, it feels great. I even have an invisible cord that goes through my cube wall to where she sits. It forms a loop around her neck and comes back to me. Anytime she calls out to me, first I pull both the sides of the cord. Then when I hear her head snap, I say, “Yes, coming” and walk over to her cube with the sweetest smile anyone has ever seen. I have a lot more anger to release and I now have the tools to release it constructively, like an intelligent human. I hope I persist because I have a lot of anger on just about everything.
Those are some great examples! Thanks for sharing. And you’ve come such a long way!!! I’m really proud of you.
One suggestion: If you’re needing to snap your boss’s neck every day, then there’s something stuck. You’re releasing anger, but not all the way. Do this at home, when you have enough time, but keep going until you hit a 10 on the satisfaction scale (from 1-10). You may need to change what you do to her or even what you need to do in order to find that 10. But when you do, the energy will change, and you won’t have to do the same thing everyday. It will have been released.
Hope that helps!
Hi Melody! Controlled anger release. ..thank you! I have not shouted and sworn and raged so much in the confines of my car. Boy. My throat is still sore, 2 hrs afterwards.
I always thought I was being so disrespectfull to the other person, even if only in thought . Aaaahhhhhhhh and relax ?
Hey MarkyMark, that’s a very common way for people to shut down their anger. It’s disrespectful. It’s not nice. You’d never say that to their face… So? You don’t have to say it to their face. It’s not about what they need to hear, it’s about what you need to say. And it makes SUCH a difference. Like taking an emotional poo. Woop! Woop!
i mean recognising sorry for typo :*
I almost never really manage to have a proper anger release by myself..I always end up saying to myself , as I envision the conversations or arguments, or fights I would like to have “this is only a fantasy..and really you would not have the guts to tell this to their face!” …so I can turn out to feel disempowering to me…It does work if I envolve others to have a rant with but they not always understand what I am doing and just think I am exagerated..I can also take it out through sport and always feel better afterwars. On the other hand I realize what seems so small when I am by myself does have a big impact on others if I end up being nasty to someone.. However I have noticed pulling up anger is not the real problem for me..actually I need to keep myself sometimes not to explode or have big reactions..the reason I can not manage to be really assertive is that on some deep level I feel guilty about letting other people down or hurting them , or not being fully understood and appreciated ..this make me question all in my life: the time I dedicate to people , the quality of my relationships..I guess this fear prevails over the real sense of connection I want to create in most of them. In fact this happens only with some people, like family, friends and those who manage to manipulate me into helping them or sticking around…giving my anger an aim has helped a lot: so now every time I have to say something , before the gulit suppressing-anger comes up and all the vicious circle starts all over, before getting mad or passive aggressive , or struggling to say what I really mean I remind myself why I do it for , when for instance I need to set a boundary or “let someone down ” by leaving or not wanting to do something, I want to remind myself what it will cost me if I do not do it and how I will damage myself by not really expressing how I feel.. so that it becomes a matter of fact to me I could not argue with or compromise on first..recogising and honouring my reasons is a effective way for me to release anger
This is a great post. Sometimes, though, I think it is a way of repressing and self-censoring. Most of us grew up with anger not being allowed and so it is a terribly uncomfortable emotion. So, if the anger is ‘hiding’ whenever it is an appropriate time to let it out, and you don’t want to force it, how do you coax it out?
You keep opening the door. And sometimes it comes out in little tendrils, instead of a big roar. That’s ok, too. 🙂
This might sound silly, but when I started to understand Melody’s ideas about anger, I decided that I would be okay with getting angry in situations that didn’t feel too scary. My anger is (was, am improving bit by bit) highly repressed and shoved down into the emotional pressure cooker, so most situations felt scary to me. I can’t get angry very often about big stuff, but I now am able to get angry in traffic.
I used to stuff anger in traffic. Now I, uh, really let it out when it comes! It’s really surprising. I remember the first time it happened I felt really shaky and intense for a few minutes, like – powerful and full of DO NOT FUCK WITH ME, DIPSHITS OF THE WORLD! but also shaky and unsure. The other day I got mad at somebody in traffic and it just flowed through me and out of me and I was done half a minute after I stopped shouting. But while it was happening it was very intense.
When I say “i get angry in traffic” I don’t mean, like… nothing dangerous is happening. I’m just hollering to myself in my own car. It’s funny, as I write out this thing I do that harms no one and makes me feel better, I feel so defensive! And such an urge to explain how it’s fine and not bad! And as I feed that urge by thinking about it, I suddenly started to think “Wait but what if I’m kidding myself and I’m one annoyed feeling in traffic away from a road rage incident?” Hello, progression of manifestation!
This is usch
LOL for releasing anger in business class! That one made me laugh, nice! 😀 Understanding anger and how to deal with it is one of the first things I teach my clients too because when we do energy healing, most of the time, they go through some uncomfortable anger feelings towards people they think they “shouldn’t” be angry at.
“It isn’t right or acceptable for good people to be angry at the ones they love” is a BIG belief and conditioning we go through in our society. And then we’re all pissed at each other but repressing it, which means it’s still there and festering, instead of us just looking at it, allowing the healthy outpouring of anger, and truly be at peace and have authentic relationships!
And for people who know about LOA and are on personal development paths it’s even harder, because they think they’ll just bring more of it or it isn’t spiritual or evolved to feel angry. But I feel we’re becoming more and more aware of how healing occurs by embracing and loving all our emotions, and that change is spreading fast too, which is exciting!
Very helpful, however, I find undoing the anger acted out directly at someone is not always as easy as saying “I’m Sorry…” I wish I could undo some of these outbursts and have things back to normal. I feels that damage has been done, I broke the vow to myself that I would never do it, unfortunately now there is anger directed at myself for this and I don’t know what to do. Today I plan to climb to the top of a local mountain, maybe I’ll get some insight up there.
If you had a child and he acted out in anger to someone, not because he wanted to, but because he couldn’t help himself – he didn’t yet have the tools to do something more constructive, would you be able to forgive him? And if you could (make the child as young as you need to invoke this feeling), can you then turn that compassion on yourself?
See if that helps. Have fun on the mountain!
This answers so many questions I had! I have had this with anger, but mostly with fear/anxiety. I just could not get to the feeling, and then I would just sit there and be “dammit, this isn’t working”. Then I would try to figure it out in the middle of an anxiety or even panic attack, which doesn’t work either as you have also said. It would just get to overwhelming and I would faint or puke or something which would make it impossible to get more into the feeling.
However, my concern with this is that when you start to think/feel your way through it is that you only think and therefore do not shift anything because you are only intellectualising. Because the feelings are so subtle, I might not be able to figure out if I have really shifted something. I know I have to listen to what I feel, but when it is so subtle it sometimes is just so damn hard. And I have some recurrent things coming up which are probably all layers to beliefs, but it is pretty fucking annoying that anxiety about the same thing keeps popping up, even though I have shifted things and feelings about the issue before. Any tips?
My advice would be to get some help. You can either work with a coach, work with a friend who has the ability to hold the energy (know you will get there, not try to “help”, happily sit with you while you work your way through it), or you can use nature. Nature has a high, steady, very solid vibration. If you go and sit in nature for a while, and then look at your issue, you may find it’s much easier to get it to pop.
Hope that helps!
Thank you. It is really helpful to hear that it is possible to release anger without the drama.
My anger comes from the volunteer work I do. Three years ago I was recruited online to help catch internet predators, and for a long time it’s been very rewarding. It’s felt like a real contribution and the results are very tangible. What could be more important than keeping kids safe, you know?
But now im at a crossroads with this. Im very angry much of the time now. Im angry that such people even exist in this world – I question why the human brain was not made incapable of such things. Im angry at parents sitting in their living rooms while their kids are online behind closed bedroom doors talking to these monsters. Even angry about kids themselves being fooled by these predators so easily sometimes – older kids of course. Most of all, im angry with the social media sites who provide such easy access to victims yet do so little to address it, Youtube being the worst of all.
All this anger is causing me to re-examine what I thought was an important mission that instead could be contributing to the problem. If the intense focus on searching out and catching these criminals online actually manifests more of them, then I want to do whatever it is that reverses the manifestation of them and eliminates their existence as much as possible.
Im not sure where to start because it’s such a visceral subject. The thought of not continuing to help stop these people feels terrible, like it will contribute to more victims, and feels like a selfish act to save my own stress, anger and frustration. Yet, the more I follow your work and the subject of LOA, the more it’s clear this is the wrong approach to address the awful things in the world. But how to reconcile the tangible effectiveness of finding them and reporting them to law enforcement with the unseen effectiveness of seeing the world differently and changing some beliefs? How do we know the new approach has produced results? That is my dilemma I need to find clear direction on.
This is a big, big topic. But I’ll attempt to give you a little direction here.
First of all, it’s admirable what you’re doing, or trying to do. And it sounds like when you started, it felt really good. You were making a difference. You could be proud. But… then you got caught up in the powerlessness of it all. And there’s a lot of that to go around on this topic. Both from the victims and the perpetrators. A big, powerless vortex, and you got sucked right in. And now you’re playing THAT game. Ewww…
You are not “creating” more pedophiles. Just as you can’t keep a child from being molested by taking all the predators off the streets. You can’t manifest in their reality. Not positively and not negatively. I know, bummer.
So, what can you do? You can line yourself up with the reality where kids and people are more empowered. Where this victim/predator paradigm no longer needs to exist. And then watch the path to that open up. You might even then get to participate in that unfolding (NOT MAKE it happen. Participate in it happening, because you want to). How do you do that? You focus on the empowerment. On the awakening. You can’t scare parents and children into empowerment. If we could, this problem would be gone by now. People are more scared than ever. And you can’t just lock kids away into prisons for their own “safety”. What we’re looking for is the opposite of fear (or fear and denial, which is just as bad). See them waking up and stepping out of this energy vortex. They don’t need to be saved by you. that doesn’t work anyway. But you can support their power. And if you really want a challenge, you can see the same on the “predator” side. These are incredibly powerless individuals, as well.
It’s like your supporting marathon runners. You can’t run it for them, but you can give them water and cheer them on, and provide safety. But you can’t pick them up and drag them the length of the route. It doesn’t work that way. Cheer them in their empowerment. If you do that, you’ll begin to see how things are actually turning around (because you’ll become a part of the reality where that is happening, instead of the one where it’s just a hopeless cycle).
I hope that helps a bit.
Thanks so much for your response Melody! You nailed it by identifying it as powerlessness, the real source of all this anger. Im still bothered by the fact that we, as spiritual beings, allow this behavior to exist in the human experience while there seems to be other limitations we’ve placed to ensure our well-being. Gravity for instance, or our limited hearing capacity so we don’t hear the Earth moving haha, but I accept that an answer to that might only be found in the non-physical when I croak. It’ll be exciting to learn why we designed things the way we did.
Your advice is excellent, and I’ve already started in a small way by placing post-it notes around my home office related to empowerment and the alternate vortex where kids have their own innate power to protect themselves. It will take a little longer to see that for the predators as Im so used to seeing them as evil monsters. I ordered your book, and I’ve read enough on your blog to realize that “feeling” the awakening and empowerment you mentioned is really effective, so will stay focused on that. Im a big news and politics junkie also, two more culprits of disempowerment, so it’s time to say goodbye to much of that. Thanks for setting me in a new direction Melody, and for reminding me that this is but one vortex of reality I can thankfully get the heck out of! I can’t wait to see the new one unfold especially for the sake of these kids in a generation of constant internet use. I very much look forward to your book to help me move forward!
You do amazing work. My life was going to head towards children’s rights specifically. Also with these issues related with child sexual exploitation, but many factors made me go towards youth democratic participation and in empowering to participate in their communities and municipalities to shape the policies towards their best interests.
In a nutshell, reading that someone that does an amazing work is writing here, warms my heart bigtime.
Hugs from the south of Europe.
Thank you so much!! 🙂 This is very helpful.
Hey that’s very nicely put Melody . Yea even my anger releases sometimes feel like annoyance and constant irritability . and sometimes they are subtle that just require some time to be released . But yes , for the most part , I get irritated and annoyed quite quickly . This is especially true when it comes to my work . I know there is quite a bit of work to be done in this arena .but what I observed that I have stopped suppressing it and I am more open to release it , following the steps you outlined . That’s given me a great sense of relief , but sometimes the over intellectualisation steps in leading to guilt and all those “I should /should not have done that “. That’s when I need to back off and give myself some time . I’m happy that it’s reducing , but not to a great extent . It does take time to realise that I’m feeling guilty .