I don’t know about you, but I’ve been told to surrender countless times. It’s never a satisfying thing to hear, is it? I mean, what does surrendering even mean? And how are we supposed to surrender when what we’d be surrendering to is terrifying, or feels like we’re giving up what we want?
Well, speaking as someone who’s literally been stuck between a rock and an immovable object, I can tell you that it’s simpler than you think.
Watch today’s video to hear my harrowing tale (and the insights it led to).
Surrender! Boy, do we talk a lot about surrender. But, what does surrendering even really mean? Well, to illustrate that, I would like to tell you the story of how I almost died.
Hi, my name is Melody Fletcher, and I teach The Law of Attraction and the technology of reality creation to highly intellectual people, just like you, in a way that actually makes some friggin’ sense.
How I almost died
When I was about 13, 14 years old, I visited my sister in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, which is a place that has a lot of outdoor sports, and one of them is white water rafting. So, we decided to go on a rafting trip. There was a guide, we did not do this on our own, and we all piled into this boat, this inflatable, little raft, basically. It was my sister and I (my sister Tina, you guys have met her), and a whole bunch of adults. For some reason the guide thought it was a good idea to put a 13-year-old girl on the back corner of this raft. I found out later, and as anybody, who actually knows anything about rafting (which I did not) is aware of, that is a better spot to put an adult and, possibly, even an adult who actually knows what the hell they’re doing.
So, we’re rafting along and we’re having a good time. It was a beautiful day, and there were some rapids, but no problems. And there was one really, really, really big rapid. It’s basically a huge rock and the water just drops over it, and then drops down. There’s a big elevation change, and it’s like a mini-waterfall. What happens when the water rolls over a rock like that is, it doesn’t just drop straight down, and then it’s all tranquil. There’s this churning action that happens at the bottom of that rock, and that is really where the danger lies; the water doesn’t just flow, it turns on itself.
And, this is such a popular spot for things to happen (oh joy), that they have photographers set up on the side of this big rapid. I guess it’s kind of like going over a rollercoaster where, when the scary part hits, the photographers take lots of pictures. Imagine me on the back corner of the boat, not knowing what I was doing, and getting out of rhythm with the rest of the group. One could call it a big metaphor of massive resistance, not being in the flow with the river, not being in sync with the others.
The photographers, when they took the pictures of our boat going by, you can actually watch me flip right out of the boat, a little bit, a little bit more, a little bit more. In the end there’s just a shoe sticking out of the water. It’s very, very, very funny, unless you’re the person who that happened to. Because, what happened is, I fell out of the boat and went over the rapid. Then, I got caught in this little churning place.
I was wearing a life vest; I’d taken every precaution, and I hadn’t wanted to sit in the back of the boat, I hadn’t asked for that. There’s lots and lots of wonderful beliefs coming up there. There’s lots and lots of resistance. It was unfair, and it wasn’t right, and I was too young. So many wonderful arguments that we could make why that was wrong, and the guide was wrong. I even dropped some hints, some breadcrumbs to help along the way, to say, “Oh yes, we can all get very outraged about this.” But, in the end what happened is, I was caught in the water, and none of those arguments really mattered anymore because I was going to die. That became clearer and clearer to me as I was fighting a losing battle. Anyone who’s gone up against water knows this (and I have on several occasions in my life; this wasn’t the only time I nearly died in water, but that’s another story for another day).
Accept what is happening in the moment
When you’re fighting against water, you can’t win. You can’t even come close to winning. Water is so powerful; the force is so strong that the human body has no chance against it. And so, you’re up against an immoveable force. I was literally between a rock and an immoveable force! All I was doing was spinning. I couldn’t tell where up was; I couldn’t tell where down was. And, the thought occurred to me, “I am going to die.” Then suddenly, instead of becoming even more terrified, the opposite happened. I actually became very peaceful, and I accepted that this was the situation, and there was nothing I could do about it. Even though I was facing what you could, logically, call the most terrifying moment of my life; it actually became very, very peaceful. There’s something to accepting the situation that you’re in, that brings a great deal of peace. Of course, when I relaxed and surrendered to the water, I surrendered to the situation; I even surrendered to my own death. If you’ve gone through any kind of change in your life, you know that sometimes changes actually feel like death. Or the fear of that change can feel like fear of death, because it’s the same fear that gets often triggered.
Surrendering to create a change
But, even as I accepted, I surrendered to my own death, the energy shifted, and the rapid spat me out, about 100 feet down. I was very afraid, and the guide was very relieved to see me alive. I think he was starting to get really frightened when I didn’t come up, and didn’t come up, and didn’t come up. Suddenly, it wasn’t so funny anymore.
At the time, I didn’t really see the wisdom in all of this. I was just happy to be alive. But looking back I can. you don’t have to be able to read energy to figure this one out. It is all about surrender. Surrendering to our circumstances; surrendering to where we are. That doesn’t mean that we don’t want things to change. It just means that sometimes you feel like you’re in between a rock and an immoveable force that is much, much stronger than you are. And, as long as you keep fighting, it keeps beating the crap out of you; but you’re not going anywhere. That’s when you do the counter-intuitive thing, the thing that doesn’t feel at all like the thing that you should be doing. The thing that scares the crap out of you. You do the opposite of fighting, you surrender. You give into it, you say, “Ok. What happens, happens. I don’t really have a choice. I can’t keep fighting; I’m running out of strength.”
The beautiful thing is that you can actually foster this state of surrender, before you get the crap kicked out of you. You don’t have to get to the point where you don’t feel like you have a choice. You can actually step into this state of surrender much earlier, which makes life much easier. When you are surrendering, you’re not saying, I don’t want this situation to change. What you’re saying is, right now, in this moment, fighting isn’t working, so I’m going to do the opposite. And, I can tell you, oh my gosh, I can tell you; it works. It shifts energy; it opens up energy every time. And, if we could just remember to surrender, clarity comes, situations change. We don’t have to let it get to the point where we feel like we have no choice. Where it’s so painful, or we’re so weakened, that there’s nothing that we can do. We can actually make the conscious choice to surrender anytime things get hard. Anytime things get frustrating, anytime we feel like we’re banging our heads against an immoveable force.
I hope that this video has been helpful to you. Please leave me a comment down below (this should be a two-way conversation). Let me know what experiences you’ve had with surrendering, or what you’re having a hard time surrendering to, and we’ll see if we can spawn another video. Also, don’t forget to like this video. Subscribe it on YouTube, if you’re watching this on YouTube, because then you’ll be the absolute first to get every new video; and YouTube likes us all better!
Alright; I will talk to you next week. Until then, smooshy, smooshy, happy shiny puppy hugs, and thank you for bringing your light to the world. Bye.
I’ve been giving a lot of thought to what happened when I attempted this surrender again and why it didn’t work for me but made me feel worse. I think the emotion I was treating (fear) was too intense and by dropping into it with allowing and non-judgment, the mind would keep switching into coping mode. My default coping mode for fear is depression. So I came out the other side of 10 minutes of solid pratice feeling depressed . SInce thenI’ve discovered a breathing process and the ability to take very small chunks of fear to process at a time. Will report backhere if anyone is interested. I want this to work. Intellectually, surrender makes sense but it needs to be a real thing.
Hi Melody. Thank you for sharing this. You reminded me of a similar water based experience I had in my teens. It wasn’t until I stopped fighting the churning undertow of a heavy surf at the beach that I finally ‘popped’ up in calmer water and was able to swim back in to safety. I have been ‘fighting’ against the endless re-training now required at work, since a company takeover made my previous qualifications no longer ‘compliant’. Irritation is the kindest word for my feelings. However I have now been reminded that ‘flow’ rather than ‘resistance’ will give me the results I want. Thank you
Thank you Melody, I read this post exactly at the right moment – as I often do with your blog.
And! I’ve almost had the entire same experience on a rafting trip – going down a small ‘waterfall’ and being trapped down in the water stream for more time than expected. On that same vacation I had a panic attack 18 m under water taking my divers license, where I thought I was gonna drown. I didn’t surrender or feel peaceful any of those times and I wasn’t in a very good place mentally at that point of my life.
I’ve come a long way and I see things a lot clearer now.
But just today (and for some weeks) I’ve struggled with feeling empty, meaningless and stuck between – yeah a rock and a hard place. Like there’s no exit and I keep fighting and I can’t get out.
But just now I read this and I dawned on me that the reason I’m feeling so shitty is because I’m just fighting so hard against everything. And I had forgot that I could just let go… So I will try to. I think it’s hard to do in practice, but I’ll try.
As for surrendering when facing death, it’s likely everyone does that as a defense mechanism. We don’t get to hear about the ones that surrendered then and died with lungs full of water.
I think it’s extremely important to report what happened when I tried surrendering again today. IT……DIDN’T…….WORK. In fact it made me worse. Don’t tellme I didn’t do it right because I did. I fell right into the emotion with full relaxation and awareness. This is another one of those things that sound good when you say it and it doesn’t work.
Wow – I was just mulling over the idea of ‘surrendering’ and here’s this blog. I heard a thing the other day which said that once you have that once we have that kind of awakening thing it has 5 stages…
1. We question,
2. We start the search,
3. We get exhausted from searching,
4. We surrender
5. Then we see what was there all along and that we are already that which we were searching for.
I thought well that’s all great until the… dah dah dah … SURRENDER BIT…which clearly I haven’t conquered …… and i was pondering what it actually meant to surrender. I realised that for me hearing that it gave me the image of some kind fear of ‘death’. As if we have to get to the point where we have no choice anymore and so we have a breakdown or a collapse or go insane… or something equally scarey and unpleasant. I thought… where the fun in that on a spiritual path is… holding out until the point where you crack and can’t take it anymore and have no choice but to get bulldozed over.
I realised… wow if thats what ‘surrender’ means to me it must mean I am really constantly ‘fighting’ something just to feel able to survive when i am not at the point of ‘surrendering’. No wonder that is exhausting. Does it need to be exhausting just to feel able to ‘survive’?
So then I questioned – can we surrender without having to reach exhaustion first and what would that be like.
Are there different kinds of surrender? There’s the surrender that comes from really being at a place of no option ‘death’ and so something lets go but to get there you need to go over that edge.
I wonder can we truly surrendering without going over some kind of edge first? Can we really have any kind of controlled surrender which is a genuine surrendering and gets the same outcome? or do we have to have ‘given up and accepted the death’ before we can have the real epiphanies?
It feels like being in a place of non surrender is all tense and tight and getting hammered by facing up river and so to surrender before getting to a crisis point must literally be a case of gently turning ourselves from facing upstream to facing downstream, softening and letting some kind of flow back in. Allowing something else to take away some of the pressure and letting a wash of relief in as we feel the flow with the water instead of against it. This helps me to feel like surrendering is less of a ‘giving up’ and more of a turning towards… which is much less scarey (I think !).
It feels like rebel without a cause. When you’re fighting against something i feel that at that point we unequivocally know that we don’t want this thing or we don’t want this situation or circumstance happening or playing out in our lives . But we really are not in an energetic state to figure it out what it is that we really want , like if not this thing or situation then what ?. We are so mirred in that negativity that we can’t decide on our truest desire . It can be said they yes to escape from it is a desire , but then escape to what place or thing or situation and that’s quite impossible to decide in that moment of time . But just as you rightly pointed out , surrendering does give us clarity or atleast the next step we can take , not the end result or goal initially but yes , atleast the easeness to get into a flowing state and that’s what we truly want to be at any time – in a state of Flow. Surrender many a times feels like a war like word – like you surrender yourself in a battle . So it kinda feels like you are going to die and you can’t fight anymore and defend yourself against your enemy . But today , much of the times that’s much of the times you yourself thats fighting against you , and the cause behind that fight is often quite trivial or way back into the past self but it’s kind of staunchly protected by those dementors called fearful beliefs and ideas 😜
I also had an experience at the age of 8 while water rafting, only I somehow got caught under the boat. At first I panicked and was kicking and trying to find my way out, but then I surrendered and thought “I can die, it’s ok if I die”. Then the water became still and beautiful and serene. I watched the fish and was quite enjoying myself lol as I felt a presence come over me. I felt myself in complete peace and began to feel myself fading into the dark as my head almost hit the floor of the lake, but before it did, someone grabbed me up. I was completely ready to die. Had I continued to panic, I would died before anyone saved me. I learned the power of surrender that day too and a peace that passed all understanding.
This is great timing, because today I’d been beating my head against the wall. I ended a friendship a few days back, one where I’ve discovered quite a bit of narcissism in the individual. I thought we ended things positively (as positive as it can be) with respect to our individual journeys and history, but then received an email later which was quite dishonest and deceptive. I wrote many separate draft responses, all with different approaches, but realized they’d all be twisted and turned into something else. Only then, did I really recognize the type of person I was dealing with and was friends with, unbeknownst to me. Then I even considered no response at all. I’m fighting an unmovable force and it’s time to surrender. I guess surrendering to this situation would mean no response at all or just giving up, right? I’ll tap into the energy of my 8 year old self :-).
This video came at the perfect time for me because I’ve been grappling and fighting with my inner CEO. BTW this is a metaphor I came up with today before I even knew about today’s video!
So what happens when a corporation makes a mistake? The CEO internally investigates what the hell went wrong while simultaneously trying to convince herself and everyone around her that thre was no mistake, and if there was, it is not her fault. I act the same way when I do something wrong. I can’t understand why I did it, so I replay the episode in my head over and over, trying to understand. This is the internal investigation. But in my frantic search for explanations, I yell excuse after excuse at the person questioning me. These excuses are defensive, finger-pointing, aggressive statements that even I don’t believe as I’m saying them. But I AMY DID NOT MAKE A MISTAKE! I WAS GOING TO SEND THAT E-MAIL LATER! IT’S NOT MY FAULT THE COMPUTER BROKE. I LEFT MYSELF PLENTY OF TIME TO DO THE ASSIGNMENT. I DIDN’T MISS THE TURN. ONLY STUPID PEOPLE WHO DON’T PAY ATTENTION MAKE STUPID MISTAKES LIKE THAT! I’M SMART, AND I WAS PAYING ATTENTION! THEREFORE YOU WERE WRONG! THE TURN WASN’T THERE! THE STAIRCASE MAY HAVE MOVED FOR ALL I FUCKING CARE, BUT I DID NOT MISS IT! I DO NOT MISS THINGS I AM LOOKING FOR! I DO NOT MISS DEADLINES! I DO NOT FORGET ANYTHING! I CAN’T MAKE THOSE KINDS OF MISTAKES, BECAUSE THEN WHAT DO I HAVE LEFT? NOTHING, SO, IT WAS YOU, YOU, YOU THAT MADE THE MISTAKE NOW LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! (runs to my room crying for another 30 minutes).
This happened to me today. It happens a lot. What am I supposed to say? Am I supposed to put my head down in shame and say You’re right. I screwed up. I don’t know why I did it. I’ve been replaying it over and over in my head trying to find the point where I screwed up, but I can’t. Though I’m smart, I did something stupid. Though I’m rational, I was thinking irrationally. Though I am the Memory girl that is obsessed with punctuality, I forgot and missed the deadline. So stop rubbing it in!
Sorry for the rant. I think I’m working through this issue. Usually it goes away when I think aout something else and get happy, only to crop up again the next time “someone else makes me” make a mistake. (Kidding, somewhat). It’s just that all this shit is how I define myself.
So yeah, I need to surrender my inner CEO and my need to be perfect.
Thanks for letting me share.
Great story! And an excellent metaphor. 😉 i’ve been thinking about surrender *a lot* lately, and my current working definition is simply being a good sport. It doesn’t mean liking what’s happening, or even necessarily accepting it if it feels wrong. It just means saying, OK, i’m not loving this, but I get that it’s what i’m supposed to be doing right now.
So my current mantra for deliberate creation is: Show up. Be game. Have faith.
All easier said than done, for sure! =))
Thank you Melody. I’m here in tears, because this was the answer I needed. Lately I’ve been stuck and overcome with strong feelings of fear with almost everything right now, even driving my car gives me high anxiety.
So, I sat with this feeling. What is it that is bugging me and why have I hit this wall of resistance? Turns out fear is driving me, and this belief doesn’t serve me any more so I am afraid. Afraid to live I guess. I have been feeling afraid of death also for almost 30 years. Now everything makes sense. I need to stop fighting myself, my fears and surrender. If that makes sense.
Big smooshy hugs back,
I can relate to what you are saying … can be hard to surrender or apply any wisdom when every cell of your body is screaming PANIC. I know this well. but then again maybe thats a limiting belief on my part ……… Makes me wonder with my own panic issues if facing it could then lead to the relief of surrender if able to stay in the situation long enough because panic quite frankly fees like imminent death with a need to escape to survive.
Inspiring to remember that surrendering is another option in the panic situation. xx
Sounds good. I have believed for a long time that it is so easy for people to just say things and viola, that’s it. Unless you have to deal with elderly dementia in the family, you may find out that struggle is more than a word.
I’ve been fighting and struggling for more than a decade, almost constantly. It’s exhausting alright.
Good story. The early part is quite funny the way you write it!
I so agree with the value of surrender and acceptance. This is the same thing I’ve realized in my own life, and have been putting it to great use. It’s so difficult because it’s counterintuitive and literally the opposite of what we want to do, as you mentioned.
Thanks for sharing Melody. I find the problem with surrender is; I don’t seem to be able to do it! It occasionally happens as part of a natural process for me but more often than not I logically know I need to surrender and sometimes I’m even really keen to do it but energetically and emotionally nothing happens. As we all know, just saying words (in this case “I surrender” ) doesn’t help. Is there a way to turn an intention to surrender into actually doing it? Trying to give up (“alright fine, I’ll just stay in my sucky job forever”) obviously doesn’t work because it just dive bombs you into depression. Are there any alternatives?
Hi Stephanie – I’ve struggled with this a lot myself, and this is what I’ve come up with: I think the problem is that we’re so wedded to the idea that things happen because of our actions (rather than our energy) that as we run out of things to try, the thought of giving up on what we’re *doing* is synonymous with giving up on what we *want* – if I give up on this attempt and I have no other ideas, then clearly what I want isn’t going to happen. But things do happen because of our energy, and so the more stubborn and frustrated we get as we try, the more we push away what we’re trying to achieve.
Surrendering in this sense is about admitting that what we’re doing isn’t working and trusting that if we relax long enough, another solution will present itself – either because the relaxing itself allows in what we want, or because in the peace that follows, an inspired action can occur to you.
Melody often talks about worrying too much about the “how” when our job is to focus on the “what” – I think this is another take on the same problem. The “how” in this case is our insistence that what we want can only come about through solutions that we ourselves come up with and implement. If we give up on that idea and stop trying to micromanage the universe, more of what we want can find its way in.
Thanks very much for your advice Bonnie. It’s very kind of you to take the time. I guess my problem is I don’t really trust that it will take care of itself. Over many years I’ve made several attempts to leave space and time etc for the universe to solve my problem and it never has. I’m in a pretty desperate situation with work and money. I’ve spent years trying to follow the rules of loa and my situation hasn’t changed one bit. I think you could be right though that maybe I should try and focus more on the what and stop worrying that I can’t see or even imagine a how. Thanks again for the advice. I’ll definitely try and put it into practice. ☺
I’ve been thinking more about what you said and I think you’re absolutely right about the “what” and the “how” thing. I thought I wasn’t thinking about the “how” because I wasn’t thinking about to get money / get a better job etc I was focusing on law of attraction instead.
Your comment just made me realise that I’m completely fixated on the “how” of loa. How to let go of resistance, how to raise my energy, how to get more success etc. That’s a really great and valuable insight!
Wow, that *is* a great insight – thanks for offering it, because I hadn’t actually taken it that far in my own mind until now. 😉
I’ve been thinking a lot about this issue too. The whole idea of surrender is one I’ve struggled with for a while, not just because it feels so very final, but because to me there’s more than a little powerlessness in the word, at a time when I’ve been heavily focused on stepping into my power and really taking responsibility for my experience. It just seems the antithesis of all that.
In the spirit of finding a perspective that feels better, though, the idea of “relax and take a break” or “stop banging your head against a wall” feels not only better, but downright sensible. If all my efforts are only making me more frustrated, I can admit that and back off, even if my efforts consist of doggedly trying to practice LOA itself. And the sooner I do that, the sooner I can relax, find a better-feeling perspective, and maybe even let in a real solution.
That is quite a story! I loved how you explained surrender here. I too believe in the importance of surrendering to what ‘is’ and making peace with it. Like you said, it doesn’t mean resignation and accepting a scenario you don’t like. I think one of the reasons this is so hard for people, especially the conscious creator set, is somehow we think that fighting against what is, being unhappy with our circumstances, and being very clear and vocal about that, is somehow a necessary part of changing them; if the Universe doesn’t ‘see’ how miserable we are, then it might not think we want what we want anymore. But I always like to remind people that the Universe is neutrally responding to your energy, not your discontent, not to what you ‘want.’ And something like surrender gives us what we are ultimately seeking pretty much immediately, which is to feel better! Great post
Thank you for sharing your story Melody. Makes perfect sense.
I really want to surrender and stop fighting things that come my way. Makes everything so much better. Right now, I am in a situation that I may be going through bankruptcy soon. Definitely don’t want that to be what happens, but that seems to be where I am heading. I keep trying to find a way out of it, yet there is nothing in sight to get out of it. It’s like I am heading towards the rapid in your story. I can see it, but not much I can do, so why fight it.
Logically, it makes sense to get another job, or go back to the one I had; however, that would solve the problem but create the problem that I had before I quit it. I felt quitting was the right thing to do, but now, even though I have done some work for creating my own business, nothing is working.
At the moment, I feel like it will be ok, but I have no inspired action to sell my house, or do anything that would help or make sense, for that matter. I have done everything according to the books of what works, and nothing is happening. 🙂
At this point, i guess there is nothing else to do but surrender.
So far, manifesting things doesn’t make so much sense to me at all. The how to do it-and the follow my feelings–usually it seems my feelings are typically wrong or they are just emotions. Unless feelings mean “knowing” or “gut instinct” then maybe i could do that. So, to some how stop this manifestation before it becomes Stage 5, i am rather unsure of how to do, because i don’t really see the bigger picture at the moment.
Anyone have any insight?
I read your comment and one thing jumped out at me that I wanted to bring up since it is something I really stress with people when it comes to the law of attraction and manifestation–I am also a LOA coach and write about it. You mentioned ‘doing’ everything you are told to do and none of it is ‘working.’ I have never seen the LOA as a ‘tool’ you ‘use’ since it is a Universal law that has always been operating in your life. Because we tend to view it in this way, we often make the process very action-oriented and rely on all the tools and techniques to make things happen for us as if they had any power in and of themselves. We still take our very action-oriented way of being and transfer it to energy work, thinking action will equal some sort of result. The tools and any ‘work’ you may be doing certainly play a part for many of us since they help get us off auto-pilot and consciously engage our energy but they can’t change our reality independent of our energy. You have to be honest with how you are really feeling about what is happening and let yourself feel those feelings. I see that as helping us make some ‘room’ in our vibe for the energy we are trying to cultivate. When we just try to brush them aside and suppress them, this fledgling energy can’t compete with this deeply ingrained emotion. It would be nice if a few affirmations or a vision board could override the deeply ingrained beliefs we have and the fear we have about all these unwanted outcomes we are trying to avoid but the momentum is usually too much, hence the acknowledgement and release that can help weaken them a bit.
Thank you Kelli, for your reply. This makes perfect sense. And you reply is confirmation of what I learned yesterday and eve more of today, is just to allow and feel the emotions, allowing them up and out and then the new vibe kicks in. Thank you so much. . Makes perfect sense.