Do you ever have FOMO? Or, Fear Of Missing Out? You know… like when you’re invited to a party and you don’t REALLY want to go, but you go anyway because… well, you never know what you might miss? Guess what? That happens to the best of us. And the rest of us, lol. Yup, it even happened to me!
Sometimes we all need a little reminder (or, in my case, a massive kick in the ass), and so, because this is how I roll, I thought I’d share my little adventure and my not so little insight with you.
If you’ve ever made a decision because of even a slight fear of what you might miss, check out today’s video.
Transcript
Hello, my happy shiny puppies, it’s Melody Fletcher, and today’s video is a little bit different! I’m coming to you from a hotel room in beautiful Laguna Beach, California. That background noise you’re hearing, that’s not me fucking-up the audio, that my ladies and gentlemen is the Pacific Ocean! So, I’m going to take you around here – it’s a lot of light, but I’m going to, hopefully, be able to show you here, this gorgeous ocean right outside my room. That is where my balcony is at, and that is the ocean!! I love the Pacific!!
Right, you can’t see me this way, so I’m going to have to turn around again – not too much, so you don’t see my messy bed!!
Right, you can’t see me this way, so I’m going to have to turn around again – not too much, so you don’t see my messy bed!!
Being an introvert at a conference
Anyway, I woke up with a thought today, and I thought I’d make a quick video for you, (other than to just show you the splendor of my life). I want to talk to you about FOMO – fear of missing out – because I had a little bit of an insight this week on that. Like I said, I’m at a conference here; it was a 3-day conference (it was amazing), and I love conferences. But at every conference they always tell you, particularly the introverts in the room, take this opportunity. You’re only here for 3 days or 5 days, or whatever the conference is, so don’t come away from the conference and go back to your room and hole up there. Challenge yourself to get out there and talk with people, and connect with people. And, I totally agree with that on principle, but here’s the thing:
When you are an ambivert
You might think that I’m a total extravert, and I definitely have that side, but I’m actually, what I consider to be an ambivert, which some people don’t think exists. Well, screw them, here I am! Which means that sometimes, I’m a total extrovert – I get my energy from people; I’m energized by being around people. And sometimes, I’m a total introvert, which means, people suck the life out of me. And, I have to listen to which side of me is coming out in that moment. I have to listen to what’s correct for me in that moment. Which means sometimes not going for the party, or going for that dinner with someone.
I became invisible to everyone
At a conference like this, you have to make a lot of decisions. “Do I have dinner with this person? Do I have dinner with that person, this group, that group? Or do I just go back to my room? So, I had an experience where there was a cocktail party. Normally I would be like, “Yay!! Cocktail party!” I mean, I don’t drink, but I like parties. But I really kind of felt this – not strong, by the way – but this inkling that maybe I didn’t want to go. And, I thought: “Ah, just go try it.” And then, everything went horrifically wrong. I mean, not permanently horrifically wrong; I didn’t get maimed, or anything. But what happened was: I turned invisible, which means, that everyone I went up to talk to, just, I wasn’t there. Like, they didn’t even acknowledge my presence. And, that’s happened before, so I did not freak out, and I didn’t think that I was dead. “Did I die in the alley, and I didn’t realize it?” But it is a really shocking thing to have happen to you. And, I had to really think about that, so it took a minute, and then I was like, touché, ok, I got it.
A fear of missing out
But it still bothered me, because it seemed like a really harsh manifestation for just, you didn’t feel like going to the party. So, I went ahead and went home, but I really had to think about it, and it took me a little while to figure out what had happened here. And I realized that what had come up was – that I was challenging myself to go to the party because I had a fear of missing out. I was afraid of missing some important conversation, or some connection, or some possible partner, joint venture partner for my business. Or, you never know what’s going to happen at a conference like this; who you might meet, and who you might connect with. So, that’s a little bit of trying to make it happen!! I know, some of you might be tempted to go, “Well, it’s easy for you to talk about fear of missing out Melody, there you are in Laguna Beach with the Pacific Ocean, and your life seems so fabulous.”
It’s not easy for me to say! That’s the whole point; it’s not easy for any of us. This is a challenge, because it comes up no matter where you are in your life. By the way, it’s not like I’m at a hotel every day!
So, here’s the point that I wanted to make. Because when I finally really gave in to this – last night was my last night here, today I’m flying back – and I really realized that I didn’t want to spend the night – I didn’t want to spend the night with anyone – he-he! It sounds sordid!!! I didn’t really want to spend the evening with anyone.
You’re not missing out if you follow your insights
I had a ride back to the hotel, it was comfortable, and then I realized that I was a bit hungry. So I walked down the street, and I found this little, tiny Indian place, and it was the best Indian food I’ve had in years. I took my book, and I was reading, and I was thinking; and it was just so nice to have some time by myself. Even while being in a restaurant, that didn’t really hurt anything; it wasn’t a very busy restaurant; it was a tiny, little place. And, they were so friendly, and the food was so amazing. It finally dawned on me, this fear of missing out is such bullshit. Because I would have missed out on that experience. I would have missed out on sitting there and having this delicious food, and enjoying this amazing Indian family, and the atmosphere that they had so lovingly created. I wouldn’t have enjoyed having the epiphanies and the insights that I had, and sort of cleaning up my mind, going through some of the thoughts from the last several days, some of the insights that I’ve had. I would have missed out on that. And, what might I have subjected myself to by forcing myself to do something that logically seemed like it was a good idea, but wasn’t what I was being called to do.
And so, realizing that the insight sometimes to not go to the party, or to not do something that seems like it would logically be a good idea, is the Universe telling you – is your higher-self telling you – that out of the options available to you in that moment, this IS the one that’s going to serve you the best. This is the one that’s going to feel the best; this is the one that’s going to resonate most with you. It’s going to be the most fun for you. Your logical brain may want to argue with that and go, “Well, that seems boring, or that doesn’t seem very productive. Taking a nap doesn’t seem very productive. I know I’ve talked about that before, how that can often be the best thing that you can possibly do if that’s what you’re called to. This is kind of the same thing, but it up’s the challenge when other people are involved or there’s a deadline because, “Hey! Here I am; I’m only here for 3 days. I’m only going to do this for a couple of days. I’ve got to do this before it’s gone. I can’t miss out.” And, that’s what deadlines do, they create that urgency in us. But, it’s ok to say NO. It’s ok to say no to that and go, “You know what? If I don’t feel like doing this right now. I’m not going to miss out on anything, except for, probably misery.”
Because it was not comfortable at all to be invisible!
Bottom Line
I don’t always have to be the most visible person in the room, but to be completely invisible wasn’t comfortable. And so then, I realized, Ok. There was a bigger thing at play here. It wasn’t just like, “You didn’t listen.” It was that I was really trying to make something happen, and there was a bigger fear underneath that I might mess this up by not making it happen.
Yeah, happens to the best of us. Right? And, the rest of us! Ha-ha!!
Ok, I hope that it wasn’t too bothersome to have all that noise – that ocean noise – in the background. Until next time, I wish you guys all the best. Thank you for bringing your light to world, and I’m sending you the biggest happy shiny, happiest, shiniest, smooshiest puppy hugs ever.
Bye.
I can relate to the total invisibility! I have have had that more often than not at conferences! I’m glad I viewed this as I’m getting ready for one now, followed by vacation. I do have a tendency to be more introverted and have to give myself pep talks to go to some of the activities. Now I’ll pay more attention to what is going on inside and grab a nap if that’s calling to me….
My first question – what Indian food did you have 😝? Just curious as I am an Indian and I eat it everyday . This is one of the best videos of yours I have ever seen and this fear of missing out is widely prevalent and lurks out every time there’s a big event nearby . Also I feel I experience it in great amounts when I see my Instagram as you see those pictures If your friends taking a vacation or eating some yummy food at some swanky restaurants with their friends or boyfriends which are very much photoshopped or those pre-wedding shoot pics and here I am studying for my exams and well I’m missing out on so much . Also , this FOMO mode is kind of like YOLO I think . Wherein they want everything grandiose and magnanimous, but I guess it’s those little things in life that you enjoy and that add up to your life and later become the big things . I feel it’s those little things just like the quiet dinner you enjoyed , and your experiences of it define the quality of your life rather than how much expensive the restaurant was or how popular it was. Doesn’t this FOMO also not tie down to the opportunities we have in life like job or career or education or networking or may be popularity ? It’s like having a mind made definition of what’s fun , what’s an opportunity for you , and so on and if you do not conform it retaliates, much like overthinking or over intellectualisation.
Hey Chaitrali,
Oh dear… I don’t remember the name of the dish. It was simple – chicken, bit of veg, a perfectly spiced sauce (no cream or yogurt), Basmati rice, and garlic naan. The sauce was red? Sorry, I hadn’t seen the name of this particular dish before, but the owner recommended it with passion in her eyes, so I jumped right on that. I guess this is why people take pictures of their food? So they can remember what the hell they ate? LOL.
You make a great point – that FOMO uses someone else’s definition of what fun is, and what we might be missing out on. But really, it’s about being aware of what WE want, and what feels good to US.
Smooshy hugs!
Never mind about the dish . May be you can post a picture next time and we can figure it out . Or may be hashtag it next time you eat it ? 😝 as I was reading the comments made earlier one more thing I realised about FOMO- you cling on to someone else’s definition of what’s fun and good and it feels compelling to accept it – that’s when the fear lurks in . Also it’s more of postponing your enjoyment time to that particular event or thing . When you look forward to some event or party and are planning the whole week about it and you have this thing within you that it’s “ this party or never “ that’s when it appears . Also I feel FOMO may be also tied to having something to talk about . Like if you don’t socialise much and live a quiet and peaceful life and you attend a friends party and everyone out there has some event to talk about like the vacation they took , or the new restaurant they tried or the new activity that they did last Month and if you apart from your work life have done nothing else recently , you might feel like an outcast in there and secluded too ..probably that might be the reason?
Interesting timing- just watched not one but two documentaries on Fyre Festival. I’d recommend the Hulu version Btw.
They talked about FOMO a lot. It was the driving force behind thousands of people spending thousands of dollars on what ended up being a non-existent music festival. The story is fascinating on a lot of levels. A huge lesson for us all.
Oooh, yes, hadn’t even thought of that! I’m certain that much of the obsession/stress of social media is about FOMO (have to check! have to check! Something could be going on and I can’t miss it!). I wonder how many companies use FOMO as the basis of their marketing? I’m going to start paying more attention, lol.
Whoa, the part where you said that the feeling of reluctance to force yourself to go the party (or whatever) is a signal that maybe staying home is the best option you have access to right now is interesting. As I’ve de-numbed and gotten a little more sensitive, I realize that often my underlying feeling is “I don’t want to do any of the things I can see right now”, but then it combines with FOMO to make me feel like there are no choices and I have to choose anyway. Is that just an issue of trust?
Hey Cordy,
So, whenever you feel like you have no choices, or that you HAVE TO choose from what’s in front of you (and none of it is awesome), take a step back. Refuse to choose in that moment. Take a breath and remind yourself that there’s ALWAYS a good feeling choice available, even if you don’t currently see it. Widen your perspective by accepting that another option exists. This can be a great feeling to watch for – this pressure, and when you understand that you don’t have to play that game, it’s unbelievably freeing. It does take a little bit of practice, though.
And yes, ultimately, it comes down to trust – trusting that thing will work out, instead of feeling like if you don’t make the “right” choice, and often RIGHT NOW DAMMIT, things will go horribly wrong…
Hugs!!
Hi Melody:
Thanks so much for discussing this and for your usual wonderful insight! This is a discussion I often have with myself. I almost always opt to stay home and commune with my own self/higher self unless I feel a strong urge to go to a particular event or place. Despite my usual practice of staying home unless strongly urged, I am still subject to feeling FOMO. So, I appreciate hearing that even Melody has these discussions with herself! And I loved hearing the ocean in the background!
Thanks so much John. I think we all experience FOMO to a certain degree. It’s natural, and can sometimes even be the little push we need to do something we actually want to do, but are maybe resisting just a little. The key is to be aware of how we’re actually feeling (and not arguing so much with it, lol). Also, great to hear from you! <3
Thanks for taking the time to reply, Melody! And for your additional insights! It is great to hear from you, as well!
Hi Melody!!! Okay, it was a complete shocker for me that you experience invisibility, since you have such a radiant, enthusiastic spirit, but it is also a relief. I have often had this problem (as I’ve relayed to you in the past) and it has been quite devastating to me, as I have often wondered, what is wrong with me?!!! I have had a very interesting contrast going on because my current roommate is ALWAYS seen, it seems…However, I have started to cope with this, and one reason is that I now believe it can be a talent – and a mark of shaman magic. But also, this topic, fear of missing out – I have learned to be fine with being alone so much, I don’t worry about missing out about parties and such, but because I have been alone so much, I also am not very motivated to do much lately. I’m hoping it’s only the winter time, but I am afraid of missing out on my life. This seems to be a slightly different case, don’t you think? Can you address that? Thanks so much! Lots of hugs! Lisa J.
Hey Lisa,
So, you make a really good point. There is a difference between FOMO, where you don’t really WANT to go out, for example, but you force yourself to and then things don’t go well, and actually not really wanting to stay home but being resistant to going out. With the former, staying home feels GOOD, while in the latter, staying home doesn’t feel that great. So, if you’re afraid of missing out on your life, figure out what you want (don’t get too specific, unless it’s 100% delicious to do so), and activate that (step into the feeling of actually getting that). From that higher vibration, take a look at how this has been feeling. Are you trying to force it because you weren’t really in the vibration of actually getting what you want? Were you trying to make it happen and the fear is that if you don’t, it won’t work out? Or are there things that you’d really like to do, but you can’t seem to go and do them and it feels bad? Are you feeling sorry for yourself because you “never get to have any fun”? Explore a little and let’s see what happens. 🙂
Hugs!
Thanks for sharing this. It makes so much sense and was good to hear. I also downloaded your 20 min manifesting booklet… apparently that i why I need to drop by today. Thanks. My hand is ready to fall off, but 8 pages (front and back 8.5 x 11) and over an hour later (I was writing like a demon) and I think I managed to get some things out that needed to be got out – including things I didn’t even consciously really know about. I think I’ll go burn it now and let the universe take over. Thanks.
Well done Penny! It sounds like you really gave it your all, which means you almost definitely shifted a ton of energy. Can’t wait to see what happens next. 🙂
Thank you for this Melody! I have pushed myself to go out in many situations where I wished I wouldn’t have. I like being alone so I figured it was something I should force myself to do, not any more!!
Awesome decision Shellie! Well done, you!!
I wish I would’ve seen this video when I was “suffering” from quite an encompassing case of FOMO. In hindsight, I reckon I actually didn’t have FOMO myself but instead adopted it due to many people projecting their own insecurities onto me. You know, the “you’re young, you must go out and have fun, if you don’t you will regret it at a later age!” kind of talk. The “invisible mode” you talked about sounded so familiar I couldn’t help chuckling a bit. Exactly how I felt back then! Curiously, when I only decided to partake a course that really interested me, took a specific job I knew I would excel at or participated in a hobby that would make my soul sing, I felt anything but invisible. I ENJOYED myself and my time doing that very activity. I definitely didn’t miss out on anything!
On a side note Melody, I hope I don’t sound like a superficial creepster but gawd you look radiant in this video! How old you were again, 25? 😀 You’re a great example that we do not need to deteriorate or become dull as we get older. We can be shiny, healthy and amazing at any age 🙂
Lady R
Thanks so much Lady R! I definitely feel amazing these days.
And isn’t it amazing when you realize that invisibility does not mean unworthiness or brokenness. It’s actually just feedback. Yay!
That is interesting how you felt invisible! I feel invisible a lot and I always assumed it was because my frequency is not a match to many people around me. Sometimes this is a really good thing. I actually think I have FOGO which is fear of going out. No I’m not a hermit, but I do consider myself more of an introvert even though I need to deal with the demands of many people throughout the day at work. This drains me for the most part. Once in a while I want to go out, but for the most part I’m fearing what it will do to the following day: I’ll be tired, I won’t be productive, I won’t get to the gym, a hang over now takes two days to go away instead of one etc. I’m not a big drinker but sometimes even just two glasses of wine can do me in! I try to feel when it’s in alignment for me to do something, even when it’s something that is an obligation. Sometimes I’ll just take a day for me. I need a lot of alone time and I have accepted that.
Hey Erin, that’s precisely what it is! My frequency didn’t match what was going on at the party. The people there were not a match the experience I was positively creating, but by insisting on being there, I was defying my own positive vibration (which is why it turned “bad” so quickly). The party was not the awesome place I was reaching for. Isn’t is awesome when we can just surrender and feel good about what we actually want to do? 🙂
Sooooooooooo love this, thank you! That little discomfort that pops up when we have to make a decision is one that I want to be even more aware of, and, as I learned from you, notice if my decision is coming out of fear/contraction or a desire to experience something/expansion. Guess it’s the catching of the discomfort in the little decisions that I can be even more aware of, so I can move with that guidance even more during the day. 🙂 And I’d never heard of “turning invisible”, that’s manifestation power right there!
Yep, it’s about catching it earlier and earlier. But don’t beat up on yourself when you don’t catch it right away. As my example illustrates, it will “catch up” with you pretty quickly, lol.
Hi, first of all let me tell you that you are looking gorgeous when you tie your hair like that. And I am in one of those FOMO situation. I am not feeling like getting involved but there is another logical thought telling me that it’s a change and nobody will be comfortable with the change, go though it, if you don’t like then you don’t need to get involved but if you like it, then there this whole new opportunity for you…. so I’m torn between the two… is there anyway, I can figure out if I should get involved or not ? This is an offer to join a poly clinic as psychologist and acupuncturist.
Hey Eshanye,
Here’s what I recommend: Look at this thing you’re thinking of getting involved in. Does it feel good but scary (uncomfortable), or just uncomfortable? If it feels good as well, you might simply be resisting the change, while being inspired to do this. If it just feels uncomfortable, don’t do it. It’s not going to get you where you want to go.
Make sense? <3
Hi Melody,
Thank you for the cool video. The sound of the ocean sounds perfect to me!
Feeling invisible is something that I go through often and it can make me feel a bit powerless, without a voice. I tend to embrace it at times, because it feels more good than awful. I don’t have to put up with boring conversation or the like. I was surprised to hear someone else go through the same thing!
I have a fear of missing out – on other things and mostly material things since growing up poor and now while doing ok, would like to take things higher and level up where I feel like I have enough and not missing out. Not sure how to get out of it.
Big hugs back!
-Viv
Hey Viv,
Remember to actually activate (step into the feeling of) getting what you want. That makes it MUCH easier to say no to things that don’t feel that way and trust that you will be guided (inspired) to “do” whatever you might need to, to facilitate the manifestation. In other words, if your action is required, you’ll be called. If it’s not required, that doesn’t mean nothing is happening. It just means relax and go have a margarita. 😛
So true! Have often felt like that at parties I didn’t feel like going to. This is a great perspective, because I just start to feel like there’s something wrong with me for being invisible. However, maybe I just didn’t want to be there! Thanks for sharing your insights, such a great reminder to really listen to what you desire/ or not, as the case may be.
You’re so welcome Helen! There’s always a better feeling perspective, isn’t there? <3