This client felt unable to set boundaries with people and especially men after having gotten out of particularly nasty relationship. We covered a lot of ground on this very emotional call, including setting boundaries in general, saying no to sex when you don’t feel ready, some major differences between nice guys and douchebags (which should be obvious to us but sadly often aren’t due to a fear of being seen as a bitch) and giving ourselves permission to honor how we truly feel.
Topics covered on this call
- She wants to overcome a painful, abusive relationship she had with a man
- Since this experience, she’s had trouble setting boundaries and making good decisions for herself. She’s lost all self-confidence
- She gets very uncomfortable when people talk or joke about sex
- Figuring out if her discomfort is an issue (sign of resistance), or if she just needs to learn how to convey her feelings (set and enforce boundaries)
- What you can’t do while setting boundaries (what will make others react really, really badly to your attempts to set boundaries)
- The right way to set boundaries (in general, applicable to any situation)
- Why you can’t take your boundaries to others
- Why you don’t have to be loud or extroverted to make yourself heard (and why being quiet can actually be more effective)
- Figuring out why hearing sexual innuendos make her uncomfortable
- A woman’s (person’s) right to say no to sex at ANY TIME
- When we follow other people’s rules rather than our own, and why that does so much damage
- How her defensive mechanism of laughing things off is not serving her (it’s ineffective)
- Why it’s important to set boundaries even with nice people (non-douchebags)
- The difference between how a nice guy reacts to the setting of boundaries and how a douchebag reacts
- How we get trained to put other people’s opinions ahead of our own
- Learning to listen to your intuition (your internal douchebag-o-meter)
- The difference in how a nice guy will approach wanting to sleep with you and how a douchebag does it
- Why you have to be willing to walk away when you set boundaries
- How setting boundaries can actually strengthen relationships
- Figuring out what we’re really offended by (it’s never the thing that triggered the offense)
- A gentle technique to practice setting boundaries and honoring how you feel
- How honoring yourself FIRST does NOT mean you can’t care about others
