Last Monday’s post, Dear LOA: How Can I Stop Hating The Rich? focused on how to stop seeing those with money in a derogatory light. After all, as we LOA teachers are fond of pointing out, you can’t manifest money if you hate those who have it. Or can you?

The post sparked some interesting discussions and questions in the comments (which I do read, even if I can’t always answer there. Here’s your proof, puppies). Readers wanted to know why they had to raise their freaking vibrations to finally get the moolah when there are so many seemingly low vibe people with fat wallets running around. I mean, how did those assholes from Enron get all that money? How does a “greedy and evil” politician manifest all those bribes? And if they can manage to manifest all that cash while miserable, why the hell can’t we? What is it with all this “you need to get happy first” bullshit, anyway? Why do we have to do so much more work than they do? I’m paraphrasing here, but that was the general gist of the questions being asked, and I thought you guys made some excellent points. So, I’ve decided to swiftly write a follow up post focusing on precisely this paradox, today. I know, right? You want to pirouette through the Alps belting out “The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music”. Me too, puppies. Me too.

How do the rich bastards manage to get rich?

Ok, so let’s get right to the heart of it. How do those rich douchebags (not the awesome rich, as I described in my last post, just the ones that seemingly don’t deserve it) manage to manifest all that bling?

The problem with this question, is that it doesn’t make any vibrational sense. How does anyone manifest anything? They have to be a vibrational match to it. Let me give you an example that’s going to seem totally unrelated, but will help me to totally make my point if you just stick with me for a minute or two. This is not the time to go for a pee break, is what I’m basically saying.

Let’s say that you have a friend and she gets cancer. Chill out, it’s hypothetical cancer, ok? She’s the nicest person in the world, has a loving family and is even doing something she loves for a living. You can’t for the life of you figure out how this happy spirit could get such an awful disease. How, you ask, did SHE manifest cancer? She doesn’t deserve it. She certainly hasn’t been thinking negative thoughts. Her life, other than the illness, is amazing! What the hell?

The thing is, and this is the mistake that a lot of people (including many teachers) make with the Law of Attraction, manifestations aren’t that black and white. You don’t get cancer or any manifestation, because you do or don’t deserve it, because you’re thinking directly about it in some way, or as punishment for thinking bad thoughts.

It’s all meaningless. But don’t let that depress you

Your manifestations are nothing more than representations of energy. They are totally neutral all on their own. I know, I know, how dare I state that something like cancer is neutral. Let the hate mail commence. But the thing is, it’s ALL neutral. Nothing, no event or experience, has any inherent meaning. It’s YOU and your perspective that assigns it any kind of meaning. Let’s keep going with this example, and I’ll explain further.

Because meaning is assigned by the individual, and it’s always a very private thing, no one can discern that meaning from the outside. You can’t ever really know what a manifestation represents to someone else. Honestly, it’s hard enough to figure it out for ourselves, we should probably just leave everyone else out of it (would if we could, eh?).

Your friend’s cancer is an inherently neutral event. It can have a negative or a positive meaning, depending on her perspective. And yes, I deliberately chose a charged topic to make a strong point, because the concept behind this entire blog post is actually a really big one. Let’s look at both scenarios, the “negative” and “positive” possibilities:

A negative representation

Even though your friend is, by all accounts, happy and balanced, she will definitely still have beliefs that she’s not aware of. Unless, of course, she’s fully self-realized, but there aren’t too many of those kinds of people running around yet, so let’s assume she’s still on her way to total enlightenment. As a student of LOA, she begins by not freaking out about her diagnosis, knowing that nothing has gone wrong and that even when things seem tragic, there’s always a gift contained in each event, if you’re willing to look for it. So, your friend asks herself how this cancer feels to her. What is it bringing up in terms of emotions? The obvious answer is fear, but what kind of fear? She digs deeper and realizes (I’m going to just skip ahead here) that she’s always been afraid of taking after her own mother and not doing a very good job with her kids. And although she’s managed to overcome the fear to the degree that she’s been able to create a happy home, that belief still lingers and was recently triggered big time by her son’s angry outburst at school. Has she inadvertently passed on her family’s f*#@ed-up gene to her kids? The dread of it fills her often and has even caused her to lose some sleep, but she dismisses it. Logically, her son is just fine, her family is happy, and of course her baby boy isn’t going to grow up to be an alcoholic. She’ll make sure of it, because she has everything under control. Um, right?

Nope. Your friend’s fear and resulting sense of overwhelming responsibility to keep everything together may not be outwardly apparent (unless you really know what to look for), but it’s still a belief that’s not serving her. And her refusal to engage with it has caused this belief to manifest in bigger and bigger ways, finally resulting in an illness that feels exactly like that fear to her – something you can’t possibly discern from your outside perspective. The point is, you don’t know what someone else’s manifestation means to them. Incidentally, when your friend clears her fear, the cancer, having done its job and successfully delivered the message it was meant to, disappears. The doctors assume they misdiagnosed her, and give her a clean bill of health.

A positive representation

How could cancer or any illness possibility be a good thing? Well, I just gave you one example. If your friend sees the illness as a messenger and shifts the belief it was there to point out to her, not only will she regain her health, but she’ll have a better life. She’ll experience a lot less fear, have closer relationships with her kids as they grow up (free from the need to control everything), and ultimately, love herself more, which would have repercussions in all areas of her life. That’s some pretty positive stuff, right there. But, just to drive the point home big time, cancer could also simply be a means to bring some awesome manifestation into your friend’s life. Let’s say your friend’s cancer is caught very early. She’s nowhere near death and the doctors are very optimistic. They recommend chemotherapy, but your friend, having a strong belief in holistic medicine, doesn’t feel good about that and goes the alternative route. She focuses on feeling good and lets her intuition guide her to some treatments that help to rebalance her body. The cancer regresses and her oncologist is amazed. He wants to know what she’s done, and begins some clinical trials using the methods that worked for her. Although he can’t include her entire protocol, and can’t talk about the energy aspect of it, his studies will help to bring these concepts more into the mainstream. Your friend, who is a healer at heart, has not only inspired her oncologist to a new life path, but ends up writing a book which ends up helping hundreds of thousands of people. She regularly tells anyone who will listen that the cancer was the best thing that ever happened to her (many people who have illnesses or disabilities do just that, by the way).

Again, the point is, it’s all in how you see it.

Why this may make you mad

Now, I can hear some of you arguing: “So, you’re basically saying that we should just look at all the crappy stuff in our lives and decide to see them in a positive way? If I’m poor, I should just be ok with it, and somehow, magically, it will go away? And if it doesn’t, then I should somehow decide that this is a good thing, anyway? Is that what you’re saying? Also, how does this answer the original question?” And don’t think I don’t hear the sarcasm in your voices, either. This is why I told you to hang in there. We’re covering a lot of ground today, and it’s not all going to be totally clear right away.

I get that what I’ve stated here in deliberately controversial way could make some of you mad. And that’s because you’re still not totally hearing me. You see, if you have a strong opinion about something, one that you don’t like but don’t think you can change, and then I come along and say “Choose a different perspective, just feel better about it”, what you may be hearing is “Choose a different perspective on your opinion, and just feel better about it”. In other words, you think that I’m asking you to keep the belief that doesn’t feel good, i.e., cancer is a horrific thing that no one deserves, and feel better about that. Or, being poor is awful, but you should be ok with it anyway. Yeah… that’s not going to work. In fact, it will feel awful to even try.

What I’m advising you to do is to find a different perspective of the event or experience – one that you can believe and which feels better. And yep, I understand how tough this is (until you really get it. Then it’s really not that hard). This is why I write so much and why I offer personal coaching. Teaching people how to really apply this stuff to the details of their lives can require a lot of explanation.

The most important thought to keep in mind is that you can get what you truly want, and that everything, EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Nothing is random. There is always an energetic cause and effect, but it’s a very individual cause and effect. There are no cookie cutter solutions here, and you can’t logically determine what your underlying beliefs are, much less someone else’s. You CAN figure it out, though. Nothing ever happens by mistake, and there’s always a positive reason for everything, even if you can’t see it. Embody this mindset, and your life will get tons easier, no matter what happens (and yes, stuff will still happen, although it will mostly stop sucking.)

You don’t have to be ok with being poor or ill, in terms of not wanting to be abundant or healthy. But you do want to understand that the poverty or illness or whatever is not indicative of anything on its own. Each manifestation carries a personal message for you AND ONLY YOU. Cancer will not mean the same thing to your friend as it does to someone else. And, wait for it, neither will money or the lack thereof.

YOU are placing a certain meaning on money. When you ask how a douchebag could become rich, it makes no sense. What does him being a douche have to do with his monetary status? That’s a bit like asking, how could a brown haired guy manifest a relationship. What?

Ah yes, I can hear you protesting now, “But you teach that we have to be happy to get money! Why can they get money without being happy?!”

Because, and this is the big point I’ve been leading up to all day: Money doesn’t represent the same thing to all people as it does to you. I teach that you have to be happy to get money, because money represents happiness to you. Period. If you said to me, “Money represents fear to me. The more of it I have, the more afraid I am. Can you help me manifest more money?”, I could theoretically advise you to shore up  the fear. Of course, I wouldn’t actually do that, because I’d get no joy from that, but you hopefully get my point.

What is it that you want?

Here’s the thing that I don’t understand: If you’re looking at some unhappy rich dude with jealousy, what exactly are you jealous of? Do you want to also be unhappy? What is it that you think he has that you want? Sure, you may be thinking that if you had his money, you wouldn’t do what he does with it. You’d be happy. But now you can’t compare yourself to him anymore. You’ve just declared that money represents something completely different to you than it does to him, and is therefore a completely different manifestation. Money simply represents energy, remember that.

When you see an unhappy rich person, you’re often seeing someone with great potential, a large energy, which isn’t being allowed to flow. The money they have in the bank – you know, the stuff that they could spend but aren’t, the stuff they could use to create happiness for themselves and others but aren’t, all that wasted and stagnated energy, is a literal, physical representation of what they are doing vibrationally. When you see someone who is incredibly overweight, you’re often looking at the same thing, by the way. The large amount of stagnant money is, in fact, often a way for the Universe to increase the pressure on the individual. Remember that money is an amplifier. So a rich guy who isn’t being Who He Really Is, may well feel the pain of that more the richer he gets.

If you’re focusing only on the money and not on what it represents, you’re missing the point. It’s a means to an end. It’s like coveting your neighbor’s photograph of a yacht, instead of the yacht itself. “If only I had that photograph, I’d sail around the world.” No, you wouldn’t. Because that photograph can’t bear your weight in the ocean (or that of your manly, muscley, oiled up crew.) Um, what were we talking about? Ah yes. What you really want is the yacht. But your neighbor doesn’t actually have a yacht. So why are you looking at him as an example? Why not go and find someone who actually owns a yacht and enjoys the hell out of it the way you would?

Money does not equal Happiness

This is precisely why I and other teachers are so adamant about the fact that you shouldn’t focus too much on the money. And yes, we know how annoying that is. It is merely a representation of something, and it will not represent the same thing to others as it will to you. If you must look at rich people for inspiration, look at the awesome rich, not the douchey rich. The douchey rich aren’t happy. They only have the photographs of the great life you want, not the life itself. If you’re going to say “I want to be like that. I want to have what they have”, why not make sure that they actually have what you want?

Stop striving for money. Strive for what you want that money to bring you, what it represents to you. At your core, that’s going to be happiness, because that’s what we all want. Sure, your desires can get a lot more specific than that, but that’s what it all basically comes down to. This is why I advise you to raise your vibration. I’m not here to make you rich, no matter what that means to you. There are people on Wall Street who have made that their life goal. When you make money your goal no matter what, it tends to turn out a little wonky (aka, the state of our economy today, business without consciousness, seeing the environment as an unlimited, free resource, there to be plundered, exploitation of others, etc.) Not only is it not sustainable, but it doesn’t work. All those people who think they can get happy by being rich, never manage to actually make enough money to reach that goal, no matter how many billions they amass.

What you want is to be happy. You can decide that you first have to get rich in order for that to happen, if you so choose, but I’d advise you to take the shortcut and just go straight to happiness. That way, everything that represents that happiness, including wads of cash, will float right into your experience.

Bottom line

Of course there are ways to make money other than by raising your vibration and letting it come to you, easily and effortlessly. You could work your ass off for years, doing a job you hate, if you believed that this will bring you money. I certainly did that for years. I made a lot of money at a corporate job that was slowly killing my soul (ok, not killing it, that’s not possible, but you know what I mean). I had a strong belief that suffering led to success, and the more I suffered, the more successful I became. I’m certainly not going to dedicate my life to teaching you how to do that. I’m here to teach you the easy way, the fun way, the way to happiness. I’m here to help you become a Happy Shiny Puppy, not a rich puppy, although abundance is certainly part of happiness and will manifest as a result. I’m here to offer one way of getting the life you want, but it’s certainly not the only way.

Sadly, I’m sure that if I offered a course on how to become a rich, unhappy bastard, it would sell out in minutes. But I’m not teaching that course. I don’t want to. I have no interest in creating more douchey rich. I want to create a whole lot of awesome rich, because the world I want to live in is populated by them.

I know, it’s so hard to hear – it’s really not about the money. The belief that you can’t be happy without money is deeply ingrained in all of us. But let me ask you this: If being wealthy is part of your picture of happiness, what makes you think that the Universe would bring you that happiness in all its forms, EXCEPT with money? Because that seems to be the big fear – “if I stop focusing on money, it’s like telling the Universe I don’t want any and then I’ll have to be happy without it forever”. As if happiness was conditional – “Yes, you get to have it, but only to a degree, and not in the ways that are important to you”. It’s only conditional if you believe that it is. You don’t have to settle for a life that’s less than you truly want and learn to be happy with that. You do have to be willing to happy no matter what, and then the life you want, in all its glory, will reveal itself to you. Ka-ching. Ka-ching.

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  • wow… in this post you really DID cover alot of ground. I found this so helpful and very eye opening. thank you for your blog! You address alot of real and important questions. thank you thank you thank you 🙂

  • it is what it is and how we see it is only that, how we see it. Our lives and the parts of them only have the meaning that we ascribe to them, and letting go of that need to assign meaning to everything in our lives frees up a lot of thought energy to use on attraction. Or anything else too for that matter.

    This is a great discussion of this idea Melody, thank you for sharing it with us.

  • I agree get what you expect. We can not really know what makes a person happy, so if money is a given for some people, it is not a big deal for them to get either.. anyway succeeding in certain areas is just expected for some of us, like an inborn right, and their ethics has nothing to do with their expectations. I think Summer has shared a very good tip on releasing resistance, saying you have to find a way of feeling to really deserve what you want ..personally this is what I miss most times , when you are not fully aware to deserve something it is easy to question and pull yourself away from what you want

  • I’m sorry if my comment seems a little blunt and negative. That was not my intention. English is not my native language.

    The way I understand LOA; Having a clean or pure vibration, as in noncontradictory thoughts, is not necessarily the same as being a nice person with good intentions and a happy life.

    I think that’s the reason why people who are miserable or “evil” are able to manifest money,power,success etc into their lives.

    • Blunt, negative, bad, evil,etc. – These are all judgments.
      Judgment is a human invention. It does not exist in nature.
      The universe is not human, it does not judge, it does not care, it is impersonal.
      The universe also does not understand negative statement.

      The secret here is the ability to focus without distraction.

      We are born with the ability to focus. What we focus on and for how long is up to the individual. For example a 2 years walking toward the door
      If the kid is distracted and looks sideway while walking (many of them do), he will stumble and hurt himself. So he takes longer to get to the door and feel sore.
      If the kid looks where he is going and keeps his focus in the door, the trip will be easy, quick and pain free.

      Success is a human concept and a personal creation.

  • I think that “evil” or “greedy” people are extremely effective manifestors. They simply have a “pure” vibration” about money,power or whatever they want to manifest in the sense that they don’t have any contradictory thoughts. They probably don’t loose any sleep over the fact that people are being hurt or offended by their actions. There are people who litterarly walk over dead bodies to get what they want. They usually succeed, even if we don’t like the idea.
    LOA doesn’t discriminate good from bad. It always works!

  • There is the Law of Attraction…and there is also the Law of Accumulation. And that has nothing to do with positive energy, happiness or anything other than understanding how to leverage time and talent, keep what you get, and have an expectation that you’re supposed to have money.

    For real…too many people have been victimized by a whole ethos that says “if I intend it, it will show up.” In reality, when you put your focus on something, you attract opportunities to grow into it. That’s when the work starts…as well as the fun.

  • Thank you so much Melody x This post was the answer to a question ive been seeking! And it answered everything I needed to know in true Law Of Attraction style by attracting the perfect answer to me from such a beautiful, great humorous teacher.
    You bring me so much joy and bliss with your soothing humorous edge on things and its wonderful xxxx Your amazing xxxx Happy shiny magic sparkles xxxx Thank you again! xxxx MUCH LOVE AND ENDLESS GRATITUDE xxxx

  • Hey , my life goes from set pattern .
    I can see solutions , But I feel very low in Vibrations to allow them in my life ,
    I feel I am not DESERVE for things that I really want in my life .
    I am RESISTING good things from happening in my life .

    I just can’t get out from these low Vibraion and Resistance ,

    I need Help .

    • Hi Shashikant,
      One thing that struck me as I read your post was your use of “I am.. ” for example:/ “I am this….” “I am that…”
      I invite you to go back and read what you have written and stated about yourself…..
      We create from the place of “I am”. We are what we say we are… which is why positive affirmations can be so powerful, . So how about turning your “I am” from what you have stated above to something like “I AM deserving..” “I AM open and accepting….” One of the earliest Law of Attraction teachers recommended a heartfelt “I am alive” said three times every morning on rising – said with full energy and power. These statements do help. One of mine at the moment is “I am 62kgs” and every day my body adjusts so that this is becoming a reality. I am eating well and exercising, Now, actually stating “I am 62kgs” into the mirror morning and night, -and believing it- is a new approach – and is is exciting observing how my stated reality is becoming a “real” reality. With you – how about saying “I AM deserving”. Say it 20 times in the morning, 20 times as you commute to work and 20 times as you brush your teeth at night – marvel at how quickly this can help you believe yourself to be deserving. Cheers.

    • I feel like that too, shashikant. I’ve manifested great things that really got me hooked on loa. But whenever something really matters, I keep on sabotaging myself. My subconscious mind won’t be fooled by positive affirmations. It knows that I am needy and desperate. No amount of visualization and meditation made a true difference for me. They quieten the mind for a few minutes, but when it is time to take action, to make that call, to write that e-mail etc. my limiting beliefs creep up on me every time. I’ve tried to release them. I’ve used hypnosis to reprogram my subconscious mind, but it caused me even more distress, making me cry for hours. The thing is: you can manifest what you want, but not what you need. Catch 22…

    • Hi shashikant,

      I went through the same thing when I was just beginning to really try to understand LOA. I was reading about how I could have all of the things I want but I really didn’t feel deserving at first.

      The way I shifted that is that I looked deep down……I mean REALLY deep to find out WHY I wanted what I wanted. It initially started with “I don’t want to work 9 to 5 anymore.” At first I thought, “Well who am I to think such a thing? Who am I to not have to work a regular schedule like everyone else does? I don’t deserve any special treatment.”

      But once I got to the root of my desire, I realized that I was truly deserving of this. For me the reason I want to not have to work all the time is because I want more time with my family. Do I deserve more time with my family? Of course I do. Who doesn’t? Is that a selfish goal? Of course not.

      In the beginning it seemed selfish, but once I really got down to the nitty gritty, I realized most of my desires are not selfish at all.

      I brought up selfishness because THAT was the blockage I had that made me feel undeserving of having what I want. Of course, YOUR blockage may be completely different from mine, but that was it for me. Maybe that could help you too. 🙂

      I have looked at all of my desires and realize that at the very heart of ALL of them, I want people around me to see that it IS possible to change your reality by changing your perception and hopefully they will follow suite and then I will be surrounded by “happy, shiny, puppies”. Everyone benefits! 🙂

      Do you think everyone around you deserves to be happy? If so, then why do you feel so undeserving for yourself? We ALL deserve to be happy! 🙂

  • I’m new here. Not to the knowledge of LOA but to this site. I needed to read this post today. Right now. I am grateful for this delivery, Melody. This feels so right.

  • This was a great post. It absolutely makes sense to me, and it also shows the depth of the saying: “The map is not the territory.
    A while back, I was in a sort of, trance state that I go into to get insights and clear the junk out of my mind. I was thinking of different paradoxes, and I realized, that for me, “Law of Attraction,” is a deceptive name for what is actually going on here. What it actually is, in my representation of the world, is the Law of Vibrational Mirroring. I feel that this is a much less, deceptive name for what’s going on, and I also feel that this post totally confirms my decision to refer to the Law of Attraction as the Law of Vibrational Mirroring.
    Thanks again for the awesome post.

    • Interesting take. I like it!
      I have been trying to find another name for LOA as well 🙂
      Don’t know what to call it yet.

      This is what I understand.

      We have the power to create demands for a new emotional reality with our feelings.
      We have the power to create demands for a new mental reality with our thoughts.
      We have the power to create demands for a new physical reality with our body.
      We can even shape our existing reality with a combination of the 3 – heart, body and mind. (a trinity)

      We don’t have the power to create a new reality by ourselves- that is a job for the universe.

      The universe will, not only create the new reality for us, but also throws us a rope to get there (clue trail).

      All we have to do is to follow the rope.

      I have seen people insisting on doing the universe’s job
      I have seen people ignoring the rope.
      I have seen people using the rope to play the tug of war game with the universe.

      I have been guilty of all 3.

  • Wow, what a great follow-up! I think you’re talking about some of the most subtle & difficult to understand aspects of LOA, Melody, and (as always) you’ve done a fabulous job. I had so many mental light-bulbs going off while reading this it was like the red carpet at Cannes!

    I don’t pretend to have a lot of this worked out, but I do think we need to remember that words like “douchy”, “miserable” or even “evil” are just judgements. I have no doubt at all that there are plenty of people (Dick Cheney leaps to mind) whose idea of “true happiness” is screwing everyone they can out of as much as they can — money, power, women, whatever. People like this are happy only when they’re winning and everyone else is losing, & the dirtier they play the game, the happier it makes them. You’ve heard that saying “it’s not enough that he wins, everyone else has to lose”? There are people like that.

    There are also people who have to compete at every level of life, so for them, making lots of money and buying all the power toys to make that wealth visible does make them happy. They might not be “nice” people in our viewpoint, but what we think is irrelevant. In their world view, they are happy. And the Universe just keeps making them happier.

    Also, there are a lot of people who get a great deal of satisfaction (which feels like happiness to them, I’m sure) about being unhappy. The more “miserable” they are, the more complaining they can do & the worse their lives are, the happier they are at their core. It’s a twisted, backward version of winning some game only they’re playing.

    In LOA terms,all of this makes perfect sense. We get into trouble only when we expect LOA to share our beliefs in what is “good” or “bad”. As Melody says: the Universe sees no black and white; it sees only a uniform gray.

    The one thing I DO understand about LOA is that it **always** works. Always. For every one of us. Every single time. This is the single most useful thing I do understand. Because it means that if I’m not manifesting what I think I want, there’s a reason — and it’s in my belief system somewhere. And that means I can shift it. And I find this infinitely reassuring.

  • The reason why some (me?) are jealous of a rich guy even if he’s unhappy is as simple as it gets: he has the money I want to have and don’t, even if he’s unhappy he has financial security. I’m unhappy and I got no money either, his situation is still much much better than mine and I’d trade in a second. I’d say the same for someone in a relationship.

    I understand it’s not exactly spiritual to think of THE STUFF first and put the feelings in second place, but some of us really want to know what it’s like to not be deprived of the good material stuff in life. Cause being deprived and going without sucks, you know?

    It makes a mess in our heads to see other people having what we want without doing anything while we have to go through years (or a lifetime?) of work to get even 1/4 of what they can have. It honestly makes me feel like I’m a ‘stupid’ spirit who’s now repeating a class while all of their spirit friends are already in better classes…

    In any case, thanks for paying attention to our comments and making this very detailed post, Melody =)

    • Hi Mandy,

      Don´t be so hard on yourself! You are not a ´stupid spirit´. You just have some limiting beliefs around money you have not worked out yet.
      But I bet there are lots of things that are going well in your life.

      You want to know what it feels like to ‘not be deprived of the good stuff’…
      Approach this matter like a LOA professional and stop acting or feeling like a person who does not have enough money or stuff.
      You said it yourself: “being deprived and going without sucks.” So, stop focusing on that and focus on the good stuff, i.e. the things that you do have, your friends, your family etc.!
      Keep asking yourself: what DO I have? What are the things I CAN afford? Just remind yourself that it isn’t all bad.
      Change your focus, change your focus.
      It truly is not about being happy all the time, it is about deliberately choosing to look at the good things in your life and paying less attention to the things you dislike.

      I am totally stealing Melody’s ideas here, but it just works. Try it. It takes some time and dedication, but eventually you’ll get there. Promise!

  • @Pam
    Hi Pam, the point you made just reminded me of a post of Melody
    Would You Be Surprised If You Got What You Wanted?” you may have read already ..I have been trying to manifest something and felt good with my visualizations but from my experience I can say there is a huge difference between admiring something spectacular and amazing, and really feeling part of it is almost like admiring a gorgious paint as an observer and actually be the painter behind it : you are part of it,
    it is not just something you want but actually a physical manifestation of your essence . I think a way of establishing where you are with your desire is asking yourself the question ” would I be surprised..or even relieved if that thing eventually showed up”..the moment you feel like this you know you are separating yourself from your desire as you see it as other than what you are, while I believe it should feel like an extension of you realize this you should also get rid of the need..
    As many others have already pointed out, you can not be sure what your friend has actually found in her relationship ..maybe security ..or (hopefully not) even an alike miserable mate to spend life with (which totally felt feasible to her to get) while maybe you are looking for passion (had she had your same desire chances are she would still be struggling with it ) …I believe this is a very , extremely personal journey , that’s why , despite I totally agree tempation can be very strong sometimes, I try not to compare my experience to others’, as I can never be sure of what their desires are , what they really get and what they eventually even settle for ..

    • Hi V – I have read that post and honestly, no, I would not be surprised, because I have been expecting it for too long. I am more surprised that it hasn’t happened yet.

      • I feel some resentment in your vibration, but maybe that’s just my weird perception! Also, is it possible you’re trying too hard? Doing all the “right things” can sometimes be trying way too hard. You don’t have to really do anything to get it, those things are just meant to shift your energy really.

  • I have had many teachers, all of whom were exactly right for me at that time. By far, my favorites and currently the only two I choose to engage with because they are enough for me at this time, are you, Melody and Bashar. You two are wonderful complements to each other – you both have bullshit fairies and a wonderful logic that makes precise sense.

    There is a point at which you get it. You really just get it. It’s wonderful and liberating and you begin to see the joy of Life at play with itself.

    My biggest problem was always being authentically grateful. I read teachers who extolled the virtues of practicing gratitude but knew in my heart that I wasn’t feeling it, even with a journal. Yet, now I do. I feel a gratitude that fills my heart with song. Morning and evening – when I leave and when I get back in and whenever I remember, there is a song of gratitude in my heart about every little thing. Try thanking your toe-nails with a straight face…I am that person.

    What this has to do with the post is the following: it was Melody who helped me understand the value and power of attending to my vibration. That one call changed my whole life and tied together years of teachings from other teachers. That was September last year, I think. I gained an empowerment that I cannot adequately explain – the ability to see a circumstance and choose how to respond to it. The ability to question a reaction, see whether it serves the vibration I want to radiate and discard it without a second thought the minute I CHOOSE that it doesn’t. And, it did not take away my ability to get pissed off at something for however long I chose (usually minutes, if that) then draw a line at it and relinquish that feeling. I am not 100% there but I feel in control of my emotions and reactions more than I have ever felt in my entire life. Vibration is the key. As Bashar wonderfully says, circumstances DO NOT matter, only state of Being matters. He says listen to this in the English language:
    Mat-ter (n.): Something that occupies space and can be perceived by one or more senses; a physical body, a physical substance, or the universe as a whole.

    I decided to expand my definition of basic needs. I wrote it down and included every comfort I could think of; material/emotional/spiritual (and still adding to it), rather than just the usual food/clothing/shelter. This is what felt like abundance to me. I manifested 3 of my basic needs on the same day, within minutes of each other, in the most outrageous ways possible: one was a pop-up I clicked on out of mild curiosity. The other two I frankly don’t even remember – they were like stray thoughts that entered my mind and led me, like a goat to water straight to exactly what I wanted. At the beginning of this year, I understood so deeply what it means to let go of the ‘How’, get out of the way, allow the Universe to co-create with you. I am more convinced than ever that the Universe derives a great deal of pleasure in manifesting for us in the most exciting, thrilling, ridiculous, absurd, laugh-out-loud ways, when you don’t clip its wings with conventional ‘Hows’. But what if this is what the Universe regards as conventional?

    I remind myself every day: abundance is a state of being. We do not need to create it. It already exists – you do not have the ability to conceive of what you do not have the ability to experience. It already exists. All we have to do is become a match to it. How? You ease up. Literally. You ease up. You get lighter and freer and happier. Your vibration, that is.

    Ps: As I type this, I have just banked the biggest bonus payment of my entire life, in a job that I only have been working at for a year, which is not what I want to do with my life but I can see that it is perfect for where I am right now and are able to genuinely appreciate it. There was a moment when a stray thought coursed through my mind at the amount of tax I had to pay for it – I didn’t demonize it. I allowed myself to feel that woe. Then I CHOSE to raise myself up and thank the Universe that I am able to complain about taxation. Me. I was flat broke this time last year. Laugh out loud. High-five Universe. More, please and while you are it, go nuts! 🙂

  • Everybody wants to be happy? I know people who don’t favor that at all. Some are such prized douchebags. Others are on the opposite of that chain.

    I wouldn’t even say it’s my goal anywhere on the road. Happiness I mean. I’m looking for peace and content. Maybe my perception is just different.
    Never looked for any of it in someone else.

    Never had a problem to find relationship material. Which according to some teachings in psychology is about impossible with my history.

    I do have a problem when I can’t afford food for a week or two. And I don’t understand how a pursuit of peace is pissing off people so bad.
    The less depressed I am the more angry and conflict driven everyone around gets.

    Core beliefs, conditioning – stuck in a rut. Maybe I should’ve been a monk dreaming somewhere far off like an undiscovered mountain.
    Or raise some hell instead of my vibration. Works for some… 😉

    • You have a very valid point, not all of us want happiness. Ever since I learned (as a really young kid) that even if I was really happy something could happen and take my happiness away in one fraction of a second, I was like: “No, thank you!”. Here in latin countries we have a phrase that says: “there’s no such thing as happiness, there are only few happy moments and a lot of unhappy ones” and I probably bought into it as a kid, but it doesn’t bother me. It just seems pointless and just too much work to go from happiness in a to sadness and vice-versa, I’d be very satisfied staying in a boring medium point.

      Neither money or any of the other things I want represent happiness to me, they represent security. The feeling of finally being able to rest my head on my pillow at night knowing I can finally be safe. So in that particular case I should work on feeling safe too, I guess. Uh-oh.

  • Its late here and I had to read some parts again but I think I got it. Basically it’s the meaning an individual/s assigns to money. Or the way I would phrase it is “what are YOU associating money with?” happiness? (that’s the most common answer) but some people (usually the douchy rich) associate money with “power” or “feeling of control” or basically something other than “feeling good/happy” which says more about their fears and insecurities, then anything else. In the other post Melody hit the nail on the head, the rich CEO’s and congressmen etc go to bed terrified, every single night, with a fear that they could lose it all and then who would they be? What would they do with their lives? The answer to that is a big “unknown” and “unknowns” scares the living crap out of most people. So they put the head back in the sand and keep plugging away in denial town until they day comes when they final cant take it any more or death. whichever comes first. Lol.

    Oh and btw I wouldn’t want to be rich and powerful if it meant I lived in fear my whole life. Screw that. I would rather be ok money wise and be happy with my life. But the goods news is I don’t have to have one and not the other. I can have both! wooo! Thanks universe! Lol! 😀

  • Whoo-hoo! She’s back!
    I know she SAID she was back – but she really IS back!
    {Big Bulldog hugs to U, Melody} – ^apologies for the in-joke fellow D~Rs^

  • Absolutely an excellent post! I went through having cancer 6 years ago. Brain cancer. They had me dead in a year. I did not do chemo or radiation. And this statement was my mantra “…there’s always a gift contained in each event, if you’re willing to look for it.” Cancer was the BEST thing that ever happened to me! I learned so much about my life from it. Your example is right on Melody. Right on. I even am writing a book about my experience. So I can share with others they do not have to die from cancer. That it can be a gift. What a beautiful post and inspirational words you have written. Thank you for sharing!

  • It’s interesting to me that some people spend money when they’re worried about not having money (and then end up having even less money and the cycle continues) … but when I spend money, I feel like I have more money, because if I’m spending it, I must have money to spend.

    Maybe I should spend more money …

  • Does your happiness grow on a tree?
    Does your hapiness comes from money?
    Is happiness something tangible that we can buy with money? (And keep topping up)
    Does your hapiness really depends on your partner?
    Does your hapiness depends on your job?

    What if persuing happiness means to practice it and not to chase it?

  • The instruction to examine the feelings to see where they are similar is very helpful, thank you so much! My money feelings remind me of being picked on as a child. I attended an expensive private school, while my family was on welfare. I reacted to the insults by basically thinking, screw them, I don’t care, I don’t want to be anything like them. I thought I had processed that, but apparently there is a deeper strata.

    I love my life now. I am happy almost all the time, but I am worried money will ruin that somehow, by impeding my freedom, making me become a person I do not want to be, requiring me to be unhappy to get it etc. and as a consequence I do not have a lot of money, although when I need it I get it fast. I honestly would not want more money if it would infringe on my present happiness.

    So you can be a happy, shiny, puppy, and not manifest wealth as well. I am working now on removing my conditional beliefs around money. I have really amazing manifesting success in most of my life, including freaky unbelievable scenarios, like losing several pounds while having my breasts grow 4 inches this year (not kidding!). Or silently asking the universe for money, and having a stranger insist on giving me a 100$ bill five minutes later for no reason. I can also raise and lower my body temperature at will, and change my heart rate, am married to my soul mate, and so on. Everyone has different resistance.

    Since I have been working on my money beliefs, I have noticed a few changes. Weirdly, I do not have a desire to spend. I feel like I have so much already. Before I would always spend any money I made quickly. Now, I wait for something to light me up like a sparkler first. Also, my husband has been buying me an insane amount of presents, even after Christmas.

    In addition, I am an artist, and usually a sale would terrify me, but I had a big order last night, felt almost totally calm, and had a great time packing it up, so things are definitely shifting.

    I have to thank you for that Melody (my real name is Melody too, by the way, it just seemed too potentially awkward to use it). Your blog has transformed my approach to manifesting, and I have cleared out ridiculous amounts of resistance in the last few weeks using meditation practices.

    • “So you can be a happy, shiny, puppy, and not manifest wealth as well. ”

      A-ha! That is one of the ideas that sparkled the heavy discussion on monday’s post =)

  • Haha! I can totaly see myself in a picture on a yacht with my manly muscley oiled up crew. I don’t know who owns the boat ( and do not really care) but the crew is mine, and I don’t share:)
    Mel thank you! You made my evening

  • It’s interesting to read about the different perspectives on cancer. I have health anxiety and cancer has always been a big thing to be afraid of. I think it’s because I would see it all around me when I was young. E.g. when I was at middle school, an older boy there had cancer and someone came in to talk about cancer (explain about how it develops in the body, I think but I can’t remember properly). I would see the boy around school and later he died. Then a girl who was younger than me got a brain tumour and she later died. My grandad died of cancer and my grandparents’ neighbour as well. So I think I saw it as something that you would automatically die from. But since then I’ve known people who got cancer and then got better, so now I know that you don’t always die from it.

    I would like to have more money (I want to buy nice things and do what I want without worrying about it) but I have other things that are more of an issue for me. I don’t have any as many blocks on money as I do other things but obviously I do have some because if I didn’t I would be rich! lol.

    Thanks for the post Melody, I think it helps us to examine our beliefs about money and it can also be applied to other things which is useful. 🙂

  • How is it possible that numerous evil people are so rich?

    Well, it could be on the soul agenda. We came here with a specific agenda – with the desire to explore certain themes and challenges for our own growth as well as the growth of the All That Is. We may not enjoy some of those themes once we are here in this physical world, but, nevertheless, we know EXACTLY what we want to explore before we come here and we know why.

    One of those themes to explore could be wealth. And don’t forget, for the universe, the exploration of wealth isn’t better or worse than the exploration of poverty – both serve their purpose and it’s only our ego that prefers wealth over poverty.

    Also, you don’t necessarily need to “raise” your frequency to attract wealth – you just have to focus on and vibrate at the energy that corresponds with wealth. In other words, you need to BE wealthy (no matter what your current outer circumstances may indicate), before you can experience it in your physical experience.

    If you look into a mirror and you want your reflection to smile back at you, then you have to smile first. It’s the same with all your experiences in the physical world – your outer circumstances and events are only a reflection of what is within you.

    Circumstances don’t matter, only your state of being (literally) MATTERS.

  • This sure clarifies things. The image of Barney Stinson came to mind while reading the post because he had made being happy his priority and everything literally just flowed to him with ease, including the bucks. He just knew how to enjoy life to the fullest, without suffering. That was the decision he made and stuck with it.

    In reading the first part of the post, I cannot help but think that all diseases hold certain answers to them and reveal truths. There are so many of them and they keep cropping up all the time. I guess people manifest things all the time in all ways imaginable, due to vibration. People also manifest illness to get a break from the well-oiled machine work is, because there is a belief you are there to work and not have fun and the two cannot be one in the same.

    The self realized, I read, can deliberately manifest an ailment and then make it go away with their own vibration. But then again, the self realized are super focused on only their vibration and, though they do see what is going on around them, like rich douches, they do not swallow nor wallow in that “what-is-ness” nor do they incorporate it in their holy vibe to disturb it. This puts them in a “position” to have what they want when they call it forth. At least that is how I understood it. They also know that nothing is as tragic as society says it is. So, it does pay to be who you really are. The dividends are high and flow to you while you keep on flowing too!

  • Great as always!
    I understand perfectly what you mean. The thinking mind tells us that money is what everyone wants, because money is good for everyone, is the most important thing in the world. And most people does believe it.
    The problem is that they expect to find happiness in it, as if happiness was something that has to be found out there, in the outside world. It isn’t. Happiness exists already in you but you have to be aware of that. And probably when you find happiness it will come with lots of money, but money never will come with happiness. Not for a long time.
    The work is always inside. Be inside what you want to live outside, because it’s only a reflection, it always has been and it’ll always be.

    Thank you Melody! Always inspiring!!

  • Melody, Melody, Melody! I knew this one was coming, but I didn’t know it would come so soon or be so…. Whew! There’s a lot to digest here, but what rang the bell for me was this: “The belief that you can’t be happy without money is deeply ingrained in all of us.”

    When I read it, I thought, “I already believe I can be happy without money…even though I want money, and lots of it”. THEN IT HIT ME: I had convinced myself that somehow my AMOUNT of happiness would increase as the flow of money into my experience increases. I am happy now, but I’ll be happier when the dollars are pouring down like rain.

    Operation “How Much More Happy Can I Be?” commences immediately! Thanks!

    • Stacy, you wrote, ” I had convinced myself that somehow my AMOUNT of happiness would increase as the flow of money into my experience increases. I am happy now, but I’ll be happier when the dollars are pouring down like rain.” After reading this post you determined that this is a good or bad thing?

        • Happy Sunday, Kathy. I realized that my ‘more money = more happy’ equation was limiting because it (1) discounted all of the joy I could experience without spending a dime and (2) assumed that when money is being spent in a ‘more happy’ way, that money had to come from me.

          For example, I love early morning walks in a nearby field and watching the colors in the sky change as the sun rises. It’s breathtaking – every time – and something I could not buy no matter how much more money I allow to flow into my life. Similarly, I was given a free ticket to a formal event a few months ago. I had such a great time mingling, and dining, and dancing all night (with a good-looking man with great moves, I might add) all at no cost to me.

          Since I launched Operation “How Much More Happy Can I Be?”, I’ve been smiling more, laughing more, and generally feeling better. Let me be clear though: I want more money! LOL However, I set the intention to allow the goodness I want to come to me in whatever way is easiest. So, if I pay off my mortgage with income from paid work, lottery winnings, a monetary gift from family/friends, or the oil reserves discovered in my backyard – the end result is the same.

          I hope I answered your question, Kathy. Feel free to let me know, either way. 🙂

  • I’m not sure if this satisfies me or not. I’m single; I know what I want in a mate and have been doing the law of attraction for 7 years now to attract him. I feel good I’d say about 95% of the time, I am grateful, and I’ve kept my faith strong for all this time while being open to receiving inspired action.

    An ex-friend is negative (always clashing with and starting arguments with me which is one of the reasons I had to dump her), miserable, obese and writes on her blog about how she hates herself and her body and is meant to be alone (she actually wrote that more than once on her site…that no man would want her and she is meant to be alone.) Yet she met a man last year out of the blue and they are now living together. He knows all about her struggles and completely supports her. And while I’m pretty sure this man is not someone that I would want a relationship with, it behooves me how she managed to “attract” him with such a negative outlook on life. Yet I know a lot of fabulous, happy, single women who would love to meet someone special…and I would love to meet someone special…and this whole scenario makes no sense to me. And no, I do not focus on the lack of a partner…I keep faith and focus on what I do have.

    Maybe this can be a future blog topic for Melody.

    • I appreciate your honesty, Pam, and can totally relate. However, it seems that what you wrote is exactly what Melody wrote, just on a different topic. You do not want to be miserable, like your ex-friend, nor do you want a relationship with someone like the man she attracted. So, it doesn’t make sense to me that you would compare her situation to yours.

      Do you know a formerly single and fabulous woman like yourself who is now in a relationship like the one you want with the kind of man you want to attract? Look for those examples, and see what you find. All the best to you, as you keep the faith!

    • You said it yourself, your friend thought that she would be alone in life, and she made peace with that. So she released it. She let it go. She no longer felt the need to be with someone, she no longer depended on it. And that is why she got it.

      • Minnie made an excellent point, Pam. You mention that your friend decided that she was meant to be alone. Usually when you get to that point, you stop worrying about being in a relationship. I was at that point. I just felt like I was meant to be alone and I just quit focusing on it. When I DID think about (which was rare) I would imagine myself getting married on a tropical beach and being madly in love. I figured if I couldn’t be happy in real life, I would be happy in my daydreams (I knew NOTHING of LOA at the time). At the same time I was doing this, I was beginning my spiritual journey and I just focused on what I already had in my life that made me happy. And then, after about six months of this, I met my future hubby and we got married about a year and a half later………in The Grand Turks. 🙂

        Reading this has really made me realize that I already know how to do this stuff. I just need to apply it to other areas of my life now. I think the gist of ALL of this is: Stop focusing on what you don’t have and focus on the things in your life that you DO have, that DO make you happy.

        I have been cleaning up my vibes with money. Last week I got a $15 check in the mail from a pediatrician for an overpayment. It was from a pediatrician that I haven’t taken my son to in over a year – he has a new doctor now. I also won $2 today on a scratch off. It’s not huge, life changing amounts of money, but it is a start. Baby steps. 🙂

        • Thank you melody firstly for taking your time to write an explanation for our questions..
          i totally get your point abt assigning energy tags (positive/negative) to every manifestation. i know all the douchey rich that have money, social status etc etc arent happy..they dont value happiness and abundance , they just want material things thinking it would make them happy but it doesnt..their life is miserable, i am actually feeling pretty sorry for them..they have it all but not peace and happiness..and i know i will definitely not be happy in their shoes.when i look at them i am not jealous but i feel that i could be more happy and bring happiness to myself and all the other ppl if i had that kind of money with me..thats true..but i have one question here still..
          and lets just take this only for argument sake , just to make a point..”only for argument sake”.. what if i assign money , perfect relationship, amazing cars, wonderful food, basically everything that i want , what if i connect them to a lower vibration..what if i dont really care abt being happy or abundant but i just want the material things, so i give negative vibes to money and relationship and dominantly spend my time in lower vibration that basically sucks, do you say i would manifest everything i want..leave out being happy and abundant, but the rest of the material things, will the universe bring it to me coz i am being a vibrational match to the things i want even if it means being on a low vibrational scale?? because sometimes i see people who are willing to settle for mediocrity have things that satisfies them and they dont even know how much awesome things they are missing and are actually satisfied with the mediocore things..its like ignorant is bliss and it works perfectly fine for them..i would really appreciate if anybody has some answers..
          Happy shiny puppy hugs 🙂

        • I appreciate all of the responses, but I don’t agree that giving up is the same as “releasing” it. There is a difference. When you release it, you’re giving up the HOW it should arrive but you’re not giving up on the dream itself. She gave up on the dream itself and it manifested and that makes no sense to me. Ironically, I have no problem attracting unexpected money. But I never once said or thought “yeah, I give up on the idea of being prosperous and attracting money.” I gave up on the how it would arrive but I continued to daydream about how wonderful it would feel to receive unexpected money. I specifically asked for an extra $1,000 and one day it showed up and still blows my mind to this day. I also obtained a paid contract job as a social media manager in addition to my regular full-time job, which was another desire. So, if I ask to meet a single, heterosexual man who is kind, likes animals, presentable, classy, has his act together and is attractive to me and as much into me as I am into him and I release the “how” but not the dream of being with him…I don’t understand why he hasn’t manifested by now. It’s been 7 years. Well, my patience has worn very thin by this point. And yes, I have taken action–speed dating, online dating, singles events, Meetups, etc. I’ll only take action now if it’s inspired. It should also happen easily…as easily as I attracted other desires. Maybe it’s time to “give up” as well.

          • Pam, do you realistically believe you are his best choice as well? Do you believe that he will have better options when he comes? Any insecurities showing up? Clear up any insecurities about yourself concerning him. That may be blocking you aside from Melody’s explanation. If you don’t clear that up, you’ll manifest only partial relationships, but not the full match.
            Also, the very KEY thing here is to make sure you FEEL you already have this guy in your life atleast 90% of your waking hours. The whole point of feeling your desires as real is to SHIFT in a new reality where you and the man is happily together.
            Even if you don’t feel as if you have him for a minute, realise you are giving attention to a completely different story! (even if is seems trivial, it’s absolutely not)

            That’s my only explanation why it hasn’t showed up yet. I hope you don’t “dismiss” the LoA as BS, because that would be like a god saying upon herself “let me be powerless”, which is perfectly valid. (I know you won’t!)

            My suggestion would be to be very open to hearing and exploring what might be blocking him from coming. Be excited and thrilled about removing any blocks and being a perfect match to the reality you want. (probably the same way football fans get hyped up during world cup finals)

            I personally have witnessed fat, bald and bad-looking guys getting super hot women regularly as if it’s nothing to them, while very well-dressed pretty-boys go home alone! They don’t care whether they’d get the woman, they just care about sharing their awesome-ness (they BELIEVE they are), they are OVERFLOWING with awesomeness from within SO MUCH that they need people to share it with. That’s some hardcore solid abundance mentality. Chew on it for a while and explore your inner blockages!

            All the best.

          • Hi Gooby (and everyone else)

            I’m grateful for everyone’s responses. This is far better stuff than the dating blog I was visiting for a while, which was overflowing with so much negativity I had to stop reading it.

            I don’t think I have any insecurities about being the right woman for the right man. In fact, one of statements I wrote down when making out my soulmate list is “He can’t imagine spending his life with anyone else and believes that I am the best woman for him.”

            I did some thinking Friday night, and was emailing a friend back and forth…and the only thing I could think of that was blocking me was the fact that I was teased all throughout elementary school and middle school by both girls…and boys. I wrote out in detail to my friend just about every nasty incident that happened to me. I’ll spare everyone the details, but the one moment that stands out to me the most was the day I was walking up a flight of stairs in the middle school, wearing an ESPRIT miniskirt (those of you who came of age in the 80s will remember Esprit clothing, and how it was considered a label that the “cool” kids wear.) Admittedly, I was not good looking during this period…I had a bad perm with short hair, and huge framed glasses. But I was trying. As I was walking up the stairs, two “band” guys with long hair who were a grade or two older than me were coming down the other direction. One of them said to his friend, “I hate it when ugly girls try to be sexy.” As I typed this story out to my friend I felt like I was reliving it, and tears came to my eyes. Never mind that it’s been 28 years or so since this happened.

            There was also a humiliating incident that happened at the 8th grade dance involving a boy I had a crush on the whole school year, and a betrayal by the girl who had been my best friend up until that point.

            As you can imagine, these kind of early interactions with the opposite sex that were so unkind left me with a bad feeling about boys–and more importantly, about myself. It took me a long time to get over it…and maybe I realized on Friday that I wasn’t 100% over it.

            Although I almost never dwell on my past anymore, I did affirm that these kids no longer had any power over me and their nasty words had no effect any longer, either. I forgave everyone…my idea of forgiveness is accepting that the past is what it is, and that maybe it had to happen to make me stronger. It also meant I wouldn’t entertain any feelings of revenge (looking them up on Facebook to message them) as I felt that would be a waste of time and a moot point (and would also make me look crazy.)

            Saturday was my “pretty” day. I took a bath, removing hair that should have been removed weeks ago, 🙂 gave myself a facial, used teeth whitening strips and did my makeup. I affirmed that I was beautiful inside and out and had come a long way since those school days.

            One thing I should mention on here…living/acting as if. First of all, I have a “soulmate songlist” online that I listen to in work everyday. It’s a list of songs that to me represent the relationship that I want…and I imagine how fun it would be to post these songs to my boyfriend’s Facebook page and have him post them to mine.

            Secondly, I have started to look online at gifts for men and pretend I’m shopping for my guy for Christmas or Valentine’s Day. I look at things in The Sharper Image to see what kind of gifts a man would like. I also look at men’s clothing in stores at the mall…actually picking up/touching items just to remember what it’s like to touch men’s clothing again, and imagine that certain colors would suit him.

            Sounds like I’m doing the correct things, right? It sure seems that way.


          • Wow, Pam! It’s great that you’ve uncovered and hopefully released that hurt that you had deep down. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if some signs began to show up and you received your manifestation soon.

          • Great to hear you’re removing the inner unconsciousness in you!

            Remember this if nothing else: As long as you FEEL the feelings that you’d feel when already have him, know that it is about to REALLY happen.

            May I recommend Steve Pavlina to you? You’d probably relate to this one:

            He’s documented a lot of his experiences with manifesting etc that I’d urge you to check out and discover on your own if that helps you somehow. Don’t hoard in information however, make sure the old you is constantly dying and a new you is emerging, wiser, clearer and stronger.

            All the best!

          • Since you seem like ou know a lot about this subject, could it be that this one little thing that happened to Pam so many years ago could be blocking her desire even after she’s done pretty much all the work? (I mean, that is so unfair to her, I’d be hating the universe if I was her) Do we really need to remove 100% of blocks to be able to get the stuff? Does it really need to take this long for things to come when it comes to love?

          • “Do we really need to remove 100% of blocks to be able to get the stuff?”

            Think of resistance between you and what you want like two people talking over loud noise at a party. One person can’t hear the other CLEARLY when the other person talks and talks and talks and talks over loud music. But if we decreased the volume of the music enough that they could hear each other, then they could communicate and understand each other perfectly.

            Same thing with any resistance in life, no need to remove 100%, no need to turn off the whole music, just turn it down enough that it doesn’t prove to be a hassle.

            “Does it really need to take this long for things to come when it comes to love?”

            lol no way! It only has to do with resistance. Do you realize that you ACTUALLY are the universe expressing itself as a human being for a little while? That’s like being uber-hungry, with food just in your hand right outside your mouth and asking yourself how long would it take for me to be full or satisfied. Just open your mouth and chew! (ALLOW yourself to receive the food..i guess that’s why they call it allowing)

            Same thing with all your desires, ALLOW them to come. how do you do that? by “opening your mouth” or removing resistance to it coming to you. You are the universe itself FCS! (REALLY think about it. You are the universe, you are the law of attraction itself. not even kidding)

            You could remove the resistance within a few hours, realizing how freaking STUPID the belief holding you back REALLY is, and love flows right into your life just because you removed the blocks.

            Yes, a belief that you generated when you were 6 years old may be blocking you. That belief may control you like a master, but realize that it is incredibly, hilariously STUPID of a belief! Don’t run away from it, run TOWARDS it and guess what? It will run away itself.

            Also, a big tip when trying to manifest love, EMBRACE this motto: “How may I serve?” rather than “gimme love gimme gimme gimme love me love me”

            Aim to make the life of that man so great internally (from a place of love, rather than hidden motives) that he’ll never ever want to be anywhere else. (Now don’t be clingy, just be like the Sun who just gives and gives ans asks nothing in return.)

            If you want the man of your dreams, then you need to FEEL like you are the woman of her dreams as well. Just FEEL it, don’t go and get surgery. That’s why apparently unattractive women get really hot guys, they just feel like they are the shit.

            One final tip: Always aim to BECOME someone who NATURALLY and easily attracts and HOLDS whatever things she wants to manifest by just being herself. Be the woman that many guys want. Be the woman that millions of dollars want. Be the woman that many people want to be served by. (either by yourself or business or a hobby)

            All the best!

          • I asked this questions since Pam has no resistance and still got no results…
            It makes me think that if it happened to her who’s done everything then there’s no hope for me.

            Also asked about taking too long cause I never see anyone actually get it, all I see around the internet are women trying to manifest a guy but never actually getting it. It just seems so hard, next to impossible to actually get that specific desire… It seems like getting a million bucks is easier than making a permanently single girl getting a relationship and this takes away all my hope…

            It also bugs me that everybody always answer the ‘how long it will take’ question with a ‘you can’t put a date to it, just keep waiting’, and then people just wait forever for something that never comes… I don’t want that to happen to me, it’s too cruel…

            The belief that may be blocking my thing may be very hidden and I may never find out what it is, and for that, my thing will never come… or I may find out what the belief is but beliefs are too hard to change and I may never be able to make it go away, and for that my stuff can never come…

            I know theoretically we are all gods but knowing that doesn’t give me any relief since actually getting the stuff is really really hard. Except for those who’ve always been getting stuff, of course…

            I am not in a clingy ‘gimme me’ paradigm, I’m totally used to being alone and having no one to count on. And I don’t even want that much. I don’t want to extract love from a guy or be clingy, I just want to have some companionship in life, someone to face life’s blows with. And I have this companionship to give him too.
            I don’t even want the guy of my dreams either (how can someone who can’t even have one guy dream of a perfect guy without feeling extreme pain?!), any decent non cheating non leaving guy who likes me to give me a commmitment would be great by me. This is a really small desire and should not take 7 years. If I am the universe as you said, then I should be able to command that it happens fast.

            I just don’t know any single guy at all or any guy who’d want me at all, there is never such a thing in my life.

            I’d be fooling myself if I thought of me as the girl guys want, guys only want beautiful girls and I don’t have that to give. I’ve never seen these ugly girls get hot guys or even get guys at all like you said happens.
            I’d feel like a idiot if I tried to imagine myself as that desired girl cause I know I’m not her. And it’s totally ok, I just want the one who will
            want me and marry me (even if I’m not beautiful) to exist.

            Thanks for answering me!

          • “Pam has no resistance and still got no results…”
            Does she know it for sure? Resistance is very insidious babes!

            “It just seems so hard, next to impossible to actually get that specific desire”

            Lol, apart from just broadcasting a HUGE limiting belief, do you just realize that you have just REINFORCED that reality? (that it is hard to get a really cool ‘perfect’ guy)

            “I may find out what the belief is but beliefs are too hard to change and I may never be able to make it go away, and for that my stuff can never come…”

            Actually, FEELING as if you already have what you want FIGHTS the hidden beliefs automatically, so that later on, that belief will become more and more obvious to you and THEN you will find it easy to face.
            Also, beliefs are not hard to change. (That is just another of your beliefs!) From what you just posted, anyone can sense you are obviously self-sabotaging yourself BIG TIME!

            “we are all gods but knowing that doesn’t give me any relief since actually getting the stuff is really really hard. ”

            lol wut! Being a god should give you all the relief in the world. Which means you don’t FEEL like one. Simple.

            “I just want to have some companionship in life, someone to face life’s blows with. And I have this companionship to give him too.”

            I just pray you don’t see life as “me vs life”, realize that objective reality is all an illusion. Reality is truly subjective. The closest analogy I can give you is that of Neo from The Matrix. Understand that when you’re saying getting a boyfriend is TOUGH, you are at that moment “vibrating” to the state of struggle/hardship/victimhood. And your life will REFLECT that state back at you in many complex ways. Playing “poor me”, “life’s a bitch” etc will only get you more of it! Of course you’ll never get a partner with this mindset! Please fundamentally understand this.

            “If I am the universe as you said, then I should be able to command that it happens fast.”

            No! It ALREADY EXISTS! An alternate reality where you are with this guy EXISTS. You just have to ALLOW it! “Open your mouth” Which means, ALLOW, which means FEEL you already have this guy in your life, when you have juicy feelings that compel you to go outside or something, then DO IT, because that’s inspired action.

            Remember, it is not enough to FEEL you already have this guy for 5 mins during visualization and the spend the rest of the day feeling as if you DON’T have him.

            Spend about 80-90% of your day in that state or closest as possible to it (Feel good emotions), only THEN shit will get real. Your reality will recalibrate itself just to match the way you FEEL about your story. Sometimes violently, sometimes slowly, I really dunno how it works, but IT WORKS.

            Keep holding that state and don’t even think of giving up because as long as you’re holding that state of already having what you want, you are at that moment slowly and slowly destroying hidden limiting beliefs. Many of which may come to your attention and some of which will just be killed instantly.
            That FEELING of already having what you want does the job for you.

            Do you now see that making the beliefs that life is hard so important to your sense of self, actually KILLS all your intentions for good? hmmm!

            “I just don’t know any single guy at all or any guy who’d want me at all, there is never such a thing in my life.”

            Yes, why? Because in the past and right NOW, you have and ARE vibrating 80-90% of the time to the reality that you don’t have single guys in your life, and that these guys will not want you. And since you are the universe, you are feeding that to yourself, and even worse, you’ve “chewed” it and “opened your mouth” to it! Bad!

            What if there were guys who’d want to meet you? What if there are many guys out there who can see the best part of you and love you for it?
            Start with “what if” questions, then build your new reality from there. STICK TO IT.

            “I’d be fooling myself if I thought of me as the girl guys want, guys only want beautiful girls and I don’t have that to give. I’ve never seen these ugly girls get hot guys or even get guys at all like you said happens.
            I’d feel like a idiot if I tried to imagine myself as that desired girl cause I know I’m not her. And it’s totally ok, I just want the one who will
            want me and marry me (even if I’m not beautiful) to exist.”

            Yes, I could easily say that girls want muscular guys too? But guess what? I know fat, balding, ugly, drunk men…who VOMIT on supermodels yet get them. The girls CLING to them. Hmm… (he believes girls want him since he believes he is sexy, guess what? universe reflects that back at him)
            I know a woman who is disfigured, she is married to an S&P500 company CEO.. hmm… (she believes that this reality is possible, guess what? the universe reflects that back at her.)
            I know a girl who isn’t considered attractive AT ALL! But she manages to pull guys left and right by just being herself.

            I have seen SO MANY good looking, well-dressed, rich people go home alone and their total opposites get partners. It’s nothing to do with looks, ALWAYS to do with beliefs and default vibration (80-90% of the time).

            Also if you BELIEVE that ugly girls never get guys, then guess what? That reality will be reflected back at you, hence you’ll NEVER see any ugly girl with a guy or vice versa.

            My tip to you: Feel as you’d already feel when you have what you want 80-90% of the time and HOLD IT. Because if you don’t hold it, your other beliefs won’t be erroded away and will still be here, and thus they’ll make sure that whatever reality they represent will be reflected in your reality.

            Is is hard work? Maybe. If you feel sooo good while visualizing and feeling it as real then it won’t be hard work. But I DO know that you MUST persist in holding that reality. Only then proof that this reality is gonna happen WILL be shown to you via syncronicities etc.

            In order to get from A to B, feel as if you are already at B. Not at A!

          • Hi Mandy and Gooby,

            Such a great discussion. I think time will tell if/when this blockage that I removed is what truly needed to be done to attract the right man into my life. I was just let go of my job earlier this week, so the desire to manifest a new job (and the RIGHT job for me) is taking precedence over my desire for a mate. Or, who knows…the loss of the job may be the first step in the direction to meeting him as I was feeling so lightweight, open, and completely without resistance after releasing this deep down feeling over the weekend. I’m still a little shell shocked. Talk about a time when I need to let go of resistance the most and put my trust into the universe. I’ve been laid off before, but didn’t know about the LOA the other times. I need to figure out deep down what will make me the happiest, and write it all out on a list to begin the first step of manifestation.

          • Hi Pam, that experience with the boys at school sounds upsetting, it would have really upset me. 🙁 I used to like long haired boys (I still like long haired men now), there weren’t many at my school, lol. A boy called me ugly but he insisted on hanging round me and bothering me, so if he thought I was so ugly, I don’t know why he felt the need to hang around me! lol. I was picked on at school and if anyone asked me out or complimented me, I felt that it was done as a joke (because it seemed to be in a nasty, sarcastic way). It’s good that you’re working through some things. 🙂 Your post has got me thinking about my interactions with boys at school too.

            The “soulmate songlist” sounds like a good idea. 🙂 I’ve also imagined what I could buy a future boyfriend.

          • Hi Moonsparkle – thank you…it was upsetting at the time. It’s sad that lots of people had similar experiences of being picked on in school. It took me a while to catch onto compliments, too.

            Yes, I highly recommend a “soulmate songlist.” It will really put you in the mood!

          • Seems like Pam and all the others have valid points and now i am seriously this point i feel like may be knowing abt all this LOA has brought upon so many confusion, may be if i hadnt known abt this i would have in auto pilot mode attracting watever i was a match to and suffering with my life, but now that we know how this stuff works and having seen it work with my own eyes, i cant seem to understand why it works sometimes and why it doesnt the other times.. i know Melody and other teachers here would say it dint work because i was not a match to it vibrationaly or i had way too much resistance to release yet..i dont know..sometimes i just get tired of trying to understand and work these things times..not always , most of the times its just fun with the LOA, but at times it feels really miserable..I really appreciate if Melody could make things clearer.. for Pam and as well the others of us..

          • Yes, I agree, Isis. It’s still confusing and it would be awesome if Melody wrote something making things even clearer, a post on the perspective of relationships maybe. so many women end their lives single (it’s always women, never men!) and no matter what they do the situation seems unchangable, it sucks to see that happening. I feel it will happen to me too.

          • Have you addressed any limiting beliefs concerning relationships? A limiting belief is about the only reason I could think of as to why a manifestation can be blocked or severely slowed down. The reason why someone can be successful in one area of their lives and not the other is due to different beliefs in my opinion. Some supportive, some limiting. This is my only guess since you didn’t mention anything about this.
            Also, although this doesn’t quite relate to your friend’s story, I have heard of people simply getting angry and ‘giving up’ on a manifestation and it happens. Your friend’s story, though, reminds me a bit of my own in a way. I used to have severely low self-esteem (this was before I knew about the LOA), and I attracted a guy who was really supportive and loving, but he also triggered my insecurities (not on purpose). I intuitively know now that my encounter with him was very important and that he was one of my ‘soul mates’. Because of my experience with him, I learned many, many things and I grew as a result. To me, he reflected my insecurities, yes, but he also reflected the love I have within. We broke up last year and I even grew from that lol! One of the best things that could have happened. I don’t even know if that explanation makes sense though… I don’t even know what my point is anymore. 🙂

          • I used to have limiting beliefs about men and relationships, but haven’t had them for years now. I genuinely like and appreciate men, and unlike many bitter women that I’ve met, I don’t believe that all men are bad, or are dogs, or want nothing but sex, etc. I do know of one woman in my Meetup group who met a very nice guy on and they got engaged over Christmas after dating for less than a year. I DO know how to focus on the positive things that I see. I used to have low self esteem, and I was teased all throughout elementary and middle school but I got over that especially once I started learning about the LOA. Even though I keep feeling and believing that it’s EASY to meet anyone, anytime, anywhere, I wish I knew where the “blockage” is that I need to eradicate.

            And yes, like Isis says, sometimes it is really confusing. I keep looking at how I am attracting money and other things and applying it to my love life and it just does not seem to be working.

          • Yeah I definitely agree that giving up isn’t the same as releasing. Maybe I should have worded it differently. It seems we have blockages in different areas. Yours seems to be dating and mine seems to be money.
            Do you know that your friend TRULY gave up? Or was she tired of constantly thinking and talking about the subject, so she dropped it publicly, but secretly, she was still daydreaming about her dream man?
            The thing I’ve come to realize is that no matter how well we know a person, we never truly know what’s going on with their vibration and what it is they’re thinking. Hell, sometimes we don’t even know what’s going on with our own vibration. I felt like I was giving up on meeting a man that I clicked with. I didn’t think it was going to happen ever! In a way, I did give up, but not in a negative way. I wasn’t beating myself up or thinking that I was unworthy. I just truly made peace with the idea of being single for the rest of my life. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I made peace with it. And then BOOM there he was. 🙂
            Maybe your friend kind of did the same thing?

          • Oh boy, if this is what it takes to get a relationship then I’ll probably never have one again. I could never be ok with the idea that I had no other choice but to end up single. Just the thought would make me feel like I didn’t deserve to be happy and all other people do, since they are able to find a partner. I’m glad that worked for you, though =)

          • Hi Summer – I don’t know if she truly gave up as she’s an ex-friend. I only know this because I still peak at her blog from time to time. However, I do get what Melody is saying and it does relate to my friend. Is she truly happy? It’s pretty obvious from her posts that she is not. She has even blogged a few times that when she lost a ton of weight in the past, she was still not happy. So…better to be happy and single and not willing to settle than to be with someone and still miserable. And…I do not know anything about this man. He could have deep rooted issues like she does. She doesn’t talk about him much on the blog.

            I am feeling a bit better about the whole situation and reminding myself that I do have a lot to be happy about.

          • Hey Summer, i totally get your point..when you give upon an idea totally at times, its like there is nothing to lose..when you give up the idea entirely you also give up worries,fears, disappointments in other words all the resistance you have regarding that particular issue, only as long as you want something to happen , expect something to happen , you will have to work on finding resistance and releasing them , but when giving up entirely all the baggage goes the good ones and as well the bad ones, naturally raising up ur when you are in that high vibration , all that you dreamed of before comes to you easily because there is nothing but just pure positive things, no resistance at all, you get what you want..i am right now undergoing this, struggling on to my relationship even when the guy told me to let it go long back, i dint..i struggled to work it out making lives difficult for both of us, i was frustrated because all i felt was anger, disappointment and no love, love was not the top most thing i felt, it was overshadowed by all negative things that happened in out relationship, more than able to feel love i felt anger and things..but finally when i couldnt take the pain anymore i let it go..and that instant i felt the highest vibration of love..and i felt the love, the innocent awesome kind of love for him..again!! and fell in love again..and i am trying to make peace that its okay for me to be single..i dont really want it but i am trying to accept the fact…things started to change and now i am loads better and happy..i just focus how it feels to be in love and find myself smiling and happy, shiny..i dont know the how..but i just keep feeling on the best feels natural that something big is going to happen in my life soon and i am all excited for it..hadnt i given up and still held on to the struggling feeling i would have been in a sure bad place, bitching abt life until may be sometimes it works that way…when you give up totally and trust that what you want will come to you, it might just happen…stop chasing or running times it might feel bad but eventually you will go back to your awesome place again..have patience and trust that good things are happening for you.. 🙂
            love all you guys..i am literally sending love to each of you guys, whichever continent you are my love is going to find you and fill you up…:) oh and tubs of chocolate ice cream cheer up guys..

          • You hit the nail on the head Isis. 🙂
            Actually after reading your comment it made me realize that I wasn’t exactly okay with being single for the rest of my life. That wasn’t what I wanted, but I did make peace with the fact that I was currently single. I also made peace with the fact that it might be the next day when I found someone or it might be a few years before I found someone. I simply stopped chasing the desire. I guess when you stop running, what you want finally catches up to you. 🙂
            Now I need to go apply this to my bank account. 🙂

          • Glad that i helped you and what you said is what exactly i am going visualizations are all happy and vivid and i just know i am goin to get there with exactly the man i love..but at right now i am just making peace with my current state..its assuring that while it worked for somebody else , then it might work for me too.. 🙂 thank you so much summer for strengthening me more on my beliefs..ofcourse i was awesome enough to attract witness supporting my belief..LOA works people..yet again another evidence.. 🙂 and goodluck for you beaming bank account.. 🙂 let us know how it goes..

          • Pam – I think that was one of the reasons I was able to “give up”. I had a lot of negative emotions towards men, so naturally I was always attracting losers. I have a very hideous dating track record. I finally got to the point to where I would rather just be single than settle for another crappy relationship.
            I’m glad you’re feeling better. I love these conversations. They’re so helpful. 🙂

          • That’s a good perspective Pam. I think the vibration of money and the vibration of love are different, which is why so many people are happy in either one or the other. I have had many beautiful kind friends who mysteriously do not attract men, and what I picked up from their energy is that they do not know their own power. They want to attract men, hope to attract men, and believe they have to be or do certain things to “get” them.

            To be attractive (not beautiful, worthy, intelligent, all of which my friends are), just attractive, that vibe has to be reversed to one of what are men going to do or be to “get” you. You want what you want, you deserve what you want, and you are going to get what you want.

            I had nine people propose marriage to me before the age of twenty, one of which is now my husband of eight years. Why? I am pretty, I am unique, but I do not look like Giselle, or any other kind of standard beauty. I had one friend exclaim to me in irritation that she did not know why guys liked me so much when I was so weird (this was my blue-dyed hair phase:).

            Several elements made this happen. One, I am a huge romantic and had a strong desire for love since I was a little girl.

            Two, I believed I was special and knew in my bones I deserved intense true love. I even looked at not being very thin as an asset, because the guy I would want would want that. He would want me.

            Three, and this is the most important, I came from an abusive family, and I was never going to get into a relationship like my mom had. I watched him manipulate her, and I learned from the contrast. As soon as any guy treated me badly in any way or showed any sign of not being what I wanted, I cut him loose. I turned down ten times more guys than I accepted to date, even if they were cute and had other good qualities. This gave me powerful detachment. To this day my husband knows if he mistreats me I will be gone in a heartbeat, and I will find someone better.

            Four, I flirted with everyone, even women and babies, because it was fun, made me feel attractive, and kept up the feeling that the next guy could be “the one.”

          • Hi Sage,

            I appreciate the comments…could you explain more what you mean by “power”? Because I do think I have the power to attract the right man…I have noticed men looking at me.

            Also, I have always daydreamed about being in love and getting married since I was a little girl…and I’m not bragging, but I consider myself “special”, too. I am tall and stay in shape, I am pretty and look good for my age, I have a full-time job as well as a part-time social media gig (which I admit I enjoy more than the full-time one), I write a blog on retro pop culture and manage the corresponding Facebook page, run a Meetup group and I am told that I am witty, intelligent and well read. I dress nicely/sexy (without being slutty) and have no tattoos. On top of that, I have no baggage. I have no crazy exes, no kids (and no desire to have a baby) and I am not the type of woman who wants to control a man right down to the socks he wears. Furthermore, my focus lately has been on what it would feel like to GIVE love to the right man vs. receiving it (of course I want to receive it, but I also want to give it to someone who deserves it.)

            Again, not bragging but a few people from male coworkers to friends to my dental hygienist have told me that I am unique and deserve a really good man on my equal. The thing is, I am not seeking someone who is 6″ tall with muscles…I don’t even go for that type of guy. I like someone who is attractive in his own way and who will appreciate everything about me and what I have to offer, not just my looks.

          • Dear Pam ,
            i might me totally wrong but to me it seems like you have a pattern going on.. cause even though you are not desperate and not really screaming out loud for attention, i get the idea that you are trying it too hard. i mean in one of your comments you mentioned you waited for seven years and said that even people who are not as aligned as you are have found somebody..etc etc which gives an idea that even though you are focused and at peace you are still waiting for it to wonder why hasnt it come yet, you said your patience is wearing thin..none of this actually sounds like its fun anymore..remember melody says its right and in alignment as long as it sounds fun and deftly not right when it feels like too much hard work..if you are really at peace , then you wouldnt mind being single or you wouldnt even notice the fact that its been seven years or that less deserving people are getting might have got some blockage to release in that area..i might be entirely wrong here, if so i apologize but it it helps you in way to find whats going on i am glad to help you..

          • Sage that last fourth point of yours , i just love it 🙂 “even women and babies” wow!! what a fun thing to do..may be i could add pets to the list too..pets and babies never judge 🙂 😉

          • Thanks Isis that’s really sweet:)

            Why not brag Pam? It sounds like you are and awesome person with an awesome life. And everything may be already lined up for you to meet your dream guy tomorrow:)

            I have always believed looks were immaterial when it comes to being attractive, so I was not impugning your appearance in any way. Some of the women I have met with the most love mojo, are obese or in their seventies. It doesn’t matter one iota.

            My sister who was always called “the pretty one,” spent almost all of high school without being asked out. Then in college slept she with a lot of guys, none of whom would commit to a relationship. Now, she is in an unhappy marriage with a man who is fifteen years older than her, unemployed, and very controlling. All of this is/was very painful to her, as you can imagine. Yet she is beautiful, highly educated, and cool (I love my sister!).

            Here, were her issues, as I see them. Not saying any of this applies to you, but the perspective might still be useful.

            In high school, she was not sure any guys would like her, so she was not sending out signals of interest. She wanted them to approach her without leaving herself vulnerable to rejection, but studies (and my personal experience) show that women initiate pretty much all romantic interactions with men via eye contact and receptive body language. Men wait for tacit permission to approach (this is where getting into the habit of flirting with everyone is helpful, so it becomes natural and fun).

            This element just comes down to creating feelings of positive expectation.

            In college, my sister figured out how to send out signals to get men to approach her, but she was not sending out signals to show she was only interested in a serious relationship. She was not filtering for the guys who were looking for the same things.

            This element comes down to feeling deserving, so that you can be clear about getting what you want.

            Finally, she ended up in two serious relationships. The first was with a guy, who showed her no affection, and was not attached to her at all. She cheated on him several times, mostly to see if she could goad him into caring about her. Then, she met her current husband, who wants to be with her, but is not really what she wants, and is very controlling. But she believes this is a good as she can do, as no one else showed that amount of interest.

            This element also comes down to feeling worthy and deserving, and also loving herself and her life enough to love being alone.

            I have given her advice along the way, but these are all things we have to learn for ourselves. Interestingly enough, she has better money vibes that I do. A distantly related childless wealthy couple made her the heir to their fortune.

            Even with me, I did not meet my husband until I totally detached and surrendered. Before him I was engaged to a guy who was almost right for me, but I felt had to break up with him. It was a difficult time, so I swore off dating. Several months later, I decided to spend the summer working at a new age retreat center, still vowing to be celibate. I met my husband, and it was love at first sight for both of us. In less than a week, we moved in together, and we have been together ever since. Amazingly enough, his name and job matched a ouija board description of my future husband from years before.

            I hope you find your love Pam! Sending you good vibes:)

          • Thanks, Sage. I am more aware of how to flirt than I was years ago. I followed some dating blogs and the teachings and comments were consistent–women have to let men know it’s OK to approach/speak to them. I absolutely agree with that.

            Sorry to hear about your sister. One of my sisters is in a tough situation in her own marriage at the moment. I love the story of how you met your husband. Really, 99% of the time I am perfectly OK with being single. It’s just that once in a while I realize it hasn’t happened yet, and I slip.

          • Dear Pam
            Dominic here in Ireland! Your post inspired me to write to you and I empathise with your status in life and your sentiments about what is happening or in this case not happening for you. I feel we are both in the same boat so this is not a sermon, far from it as I do see the plank in my own eye as well as the splinter in yours but here goes!
            First never ‘give up’ on your dream but perhaps redefine it somewhat. You know Pam, that life is an illusion so everything is really not what it seems to be as we are basically animal in nature with a flesh body and a mind that operates to allow us to make sense of it all. But here’s the crucial thing that we most times forget ‘we are spiritual beings contained within the human body’ and because of this we are awesome and all powerful with no blockages or barriers to what we need or want. However we are programmed from birth to ‘fit into’ society which in turn falsely creates limitation to what we can achieve or manifest in our lives. We are told what to like n dislike, what is good and what is bad, and we are even told what to wear thus the flimsy clothing on freezing cold days. Therefore we are all on the same journey but some, like the gracious Melody Fletcher, have discovered the Truth and the reality is that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience.
            Now even after discovering this we are in conflict – the conflict between the mind and the spirit! The mind has creates limitations the spirit does not so we must attune our minds, our limited thinking to the spirit that has no barriers or blockages to whatever we want to manifest in our lives. Now Pam, I know all of this and I am actively trying on a daily basis to achieve mind and spirit to be as one limitless entity.
            So to get back to both our problems – could it be that we are trying to manifest out ideal partner with our minds instead of our spirit? Has our minds set up the barriers to whom this can be thus creating the blockage of the real person manifesting? Has our minds falsely interpret what and whom will be good for us and will make up happy? This is where we could be at don’t you think?
            I noticed that you have stated that you wand a specific type of person in your first post but is this putting a barrier of limitation on whom will be great for you as in soul mate? Have you passed over this person or dismissed with your mind on the dating sites and the speeding events? How do you do this, like in what is your reaction to the person you are dismissing? Is it with disdain and frustration with a sharp intake of breath and rolling your eyes up to heaven? I only ask this because you never know who is watching and maybe on the next table or dating page is your soul mate but because of your rejection reactions to possible would be suitors, your ideal thinks ‘wow I don’t want to be with that person! Perhaps I am guilty of this same reaction also but this is our minds working not our spirit. Can we honestly say these things and answer yes to all of them ‘we are lovely persons’? we truly unconditionally love ourselves? (Not in a conceited way) please get to know me you will love me? Pam, if the answer is ‘yes’ then we are in tune with our spirit and our true wish manifestation will happen right in front of us even without going onto dating web sites or speed dating events. You didn’t need to do anything to manifest the $1000 or that extra job needed, your spirit just put it out there and it happened so I think the same will happen with your true desire for a partner!
            Pam, you state that it is seven years that you want this but I think it is much longer than that and it is from the time that you began to notice boys in a romantic light! I know that mine and your soul mates are there waiting in the background ready to jump into our lives if we just drop the blocking limitations of our minds and let it happen.
            I hope this is of some help to you and please know that you are never alone. I would be interested to hear from you as to what happens in your life.
            Yours truly
            Dominic McKevitt

          • Dearest Pam
            Your post inspired me to write to you and I empathise with your status in life and your sentiments about what is happening or in this case not happening for you. I feel we are both in the same boat so this is not a sermon, far from it as I do see the plank in my own eye as well as the splinter in yours but here goes!
            First never ‘give up’ on your dream but perhaps redefine it somewhat. You know Pam, that life is an illusion so everything is really not what it seems to be as we are basically animal in nature with a flesh body and a mind that operates to allow us to make sense of it all. But here’s the crucial thing that we most times forget ‘we are spiritual beings contained within the human body’ and because of this we are awesome and all powerful with no blockages or barriers to what we need or want. However we are programmed from birth to ‘fit into’ society which in turn falsely creates limitation to what we can achieve or manifest in our lives. We are told what to like n dislike, what is good and what is bad, and we are even told what to wear thus the flimsy clothing on freezing cold days. Therefore we are all on the same journey but some, like the gracious Melody Fletcher, have discovered the Truth and the reality is that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience.
            Now even after discovering this we are in conflict – the conflict between the mind and the spirit! The mind has creates limitations the spirit does not so we must attune our minds, our limited thinking to the spirit that has no barriers or blockages to whatever we want to manifest in our lives. Now Pam, I know all of this and I am actively trying on a daily basis to achieve mind and spirit to be as one limitless entity.
            So to get back to both our problems – could it be that we are trying to manifest out ideal partner with our minds instead of our spirit? Has our minds set up the barriers to whom this can be thus creating the blockage of the real person manifesting? Has our minds falsely interpret what and whom will be good for us and will make up happy? This is where we could be at don’t you think?
            I noticed that you have stated that you wand a specific type of person in your first post but is this putting a barrier of limitation on whom will be great for you as in soul mate? Have you passed over this person or dismissed with your mind on the dating sites and the speeding events? How do you do this, like in what is your reaction to the person you are dismissing? Is it with disdain and frustration with a sharp intake of breath and rolling your eyes up to heaven? I only ask this because you never know who is watching and maybe on the next table or dating page is your soul mate but because of your rejection reactions to possible would be suitors, your ideal thinks ‘wow I don’t want to be with that person! Perhaps I am guilty of this same reaction also but this is our minds working not our spirit. Can we honestly say these things and answer yes to all of them ‘we are lovely persons’? we truly unconditionally love ourselves? (Not in a conceited way) please get to know me you will love me? Pam, if the answer is ‘yes’ then we are in tune with our spirit and our true wish manifestation will happen right in front of us even without going onto dating web sites or speed dating events. You didn’t need to do anything to manifest the $1000 or that extra job needed, your spirit just put it out there and it happened so I think the same will happen with your true desire for a partner!
            Pam, you state that it is seven years that you want this but I think it is much longer than that and it is from the time that you began to notice boys in a romantic light! I know that mine and your soul mates are there waiting in the background ready to jump into our lives if we just drop the blocking limitations of our minds and let it happen.
            I hope this is of some help to you and please know that you are never alone. I would be interested to hear from you as to what happens in your life.
            Yours truly
            Dominic McKevitt

    • I’m sorry that is happening to you Pam. This is an exampl of exactly why I don’t want to do the work of being happy now without a relationship/marriage cause I just KNOW the man will still not come to me anyway. I hope things change for you very soon and you get what you want!

        • Hey there everybody,

          This is a good thread. A lot of people are with someone mostly because society tells you that if you are in a relationship, you will be happy. you are no good on your own because what the hell, humans are social creatures and that is how we roll. You see, the relationship will bring you happiness, according to them. This is what my sister is going through. all she has is problems with her husband, yet sticks with him like her life depends on it because, according to her, where the heck will she find someone new who makes his kind of money and she wants her kids to have the same father. Very poor choices if you ask me, especially as a student of LOA. I notice that she is missing something and she keeps looking for it in all the wrong places. Spirituality is what she needs, yet fills her life with other things, like this bad marriage and other stuff. Which is fine, as long as she does not dictate what others do.

          When of a higher vibration, all this does not sit well with you. when in bliss, a place in which you do not even need a relationship at all, and you are madly in love with life and everything in it and feel a passion for source, your dance card happens to overflow with all types of guys and you tell them to take a number. When pinched off from this state, that is when the above scenario occurs.

          This is getting long so I will stop, but I hope this has helped someone.

          • I agree. A lot of women I know admit they want the financial security, or they just cannot be alone, and I have one friend who was dating an extremely jealous and controlling guy years ago who actually told me at the time, “I know that I cannot do any better, so that’s why I am with him.”

            I actually don’t know of too many women at the moment who seem to be truly happy with their partner, but I have something better than that to focus on–I know of a few men, coworkers, who are really good guys, married, and 100% committed to their wives. One of them went through a reverse vasectomy because his second wife really wants to have a baby. The other guy is always doing stuff with his wife and two kids and posting photos on Facebook and changing his profile photos to him and his wife, which I think is sweet. I met his wife at the office party and she’s sweet, too. My boss is also a really dedicated husband/father to his family. It did take me a while to undo a lot of feelings I had about men, because I was hearing so many dating horror stories out there (which are hard to avoid, since I run my own Meetup group.) I just choose not to pay attention to them the best I can. I truly believe men of greatness exist–it’s just that society doesn’t give them much attention; we only hear about the bad apples.

          • Yes, Pam, exactly what you say in the last sentence. It is great that you acknowledged those good cases. Way to go! Also, when dating, yes, one is more open for horror stories and the like, but they are great opportunities from which to learn about people and oneself, most of all.

            We come here alone and leave alone; everything in between is seeing what we can create and attract, reflections of our vibe and all the stuff teachers tell us about. That is why I stress relationship with source, the most important one of all. Even if you do not want to go there, would you go for these guys these other women you mention are dating, like someone previously asked? Most probably not. Even if you did, it would not last long. Or maybe it would and you would be miserable. That is a very logical way of looking at it. It is great that you are noticing and focusing on the good cases. Awesome!

            Running your own meetup group is fantastic! you have so much going for you and are a goddess. Goddesses focus on what is going well and not on time, for in the grand scheme of things, is not a factor. Love is, cheesy as it may sound to some, but true. I suspect those who think it is cheesy are misaligned, though, because it makes prefect sense to others.

            I hope what I wrote is ok. It just flowed and I do not wish to delete it.

          • Melody babe ,are you reading through all of our comments?? i am just glad that i can find so many like minded people here virtually, and thank you for creating a forum where all of us can use some help from others..all the comments and conversations going on here are helping a lot of people and its feeling good to be here as a part of this awesome community, people whom we havent even met before trying to help out others..thank you so much for bringing us all together
            huge hugs 🙂 🙂

    • Six years ago I experienced a very painful and shocking betrayal in my marriage at the time, followed by a painful divorce, completely losing belief in relationships, marriage and love. It forced me to realize and admit to myself that I must have been deluding myself and that I knew nothing about relationships, because how else could it have gone so wrong?

      I decided two things, firstly, not to even think about engaging with a new relationship until I was truly ready, and secondly, that I wouldn’t be truly ready until I had taken complete responsibility for creating my own happiness and in no way would allow my happiness to rely on anything or anyone else.

      Four years later I finally arrived at that point, but I was I still quite cautious and disillusioned about love and relationships.

      Then by chance (or by LOA?) I encountered a very interesting woman who I found myself having conversations with, practically every single day, month after month, something that has been very rare throughout my life. For her too, happiness is an inside job, and she was equally cautious in starting a new relationship after bad experiences.

      Slowly we began open up our hearts to each other, healing each other, discovering how highly compatible we actually were, and finally fell in love and decided to get together.

      For the first time in my life I’m finding myself in what see as a “real” relationship, in every sense of the word, and for the right reasons. But it didn’t happen until I stopped looking outside myself for answers, and became emotionally independent.

    • Dear Pam,
      You seem like an intelligent and sensitive woman who deserves to meet the perfect guy. I’m certainly not an expert in the Law of Attraction, but I have had some successes with manifesting things, and one or two ocassions which have literally blown me away.
      I was single for over ten years before I finally met someone who made me happy. I think that the reason it took so long was because I couldn’t actually imagine being happy with someone. I had a fantasy about the right person, but it always seemed like a pipedream, not a reality.
      I often fantasise about being fabulously rich and winning the lottery etc, but these are fantasies, pipe dreams. As you can imagine, I have never won the lottery and I am not fabulously rich.
      What has worked for me in the past is the intention to do something, versus a fantasy about something which I don’t actually intend to happen or don’t actually believe that I could do.
      As I said, I have had a couple of ocassions which have actually blown my mind, and that’s how it happened. Once I had decided that I was definitely doing to do something, rather than just wishing that it would happen, I just did it. After making the decision I would have no idea of how I could possibly do it, but I just knew I was going to do it. I set a date as to when it was going to happen, and then I just let it go, without worrying about it.
      Setting a date seems to work for me because it’s a committment to the intention that something is actually going to happen, rather than just wishing it would happen someday.
      I think there is a distinction to be made between fantasising about something, wishing it would happen and actually intending it to happen.
      I don’t know if this will work for you, Pam, but for me, intention has been the thing that has allowed me to successfully manifest people and stuff into my life. While there are many things I still can’t manifest, like my elusive lottery win(!)
      I hope this helps.

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